Watch out....its some haikus

Its more bad poetry, everyone! I read my son a book with a brief haiku chapter and it inspired me to dabble at this elegant artform.  

Frost left the forest

The crack of frozen amber

Melts into a void

 

Beyond the back shed

Frayed plastic tarp wilts

Under ice sun hurt

 

Heat pours out flowing

Wound in the dirt cut sliced

Current grabs panic

Tamagotchi

 Its a tragedy when my daughter's Tamagotchi died. It does not prompt you to restart. No "Game Over" or "Continue" button. Instead there is a pastel LCD headstone with a cartoony ghost blurb hovering over it. It lingers on this indefinitely. A digital memento mori to scar you further. Let me take this "F" grade and just magnet it right onto the fridge, OK?

To clear this you need to manually reset the device to factory settings. Get a sharp skinny needle and depress a pin head button in the back. Doing this to your toys always feels both perverse and deftly maneuvered. First finding the appropriate sized tool by rooting through a junk drawer (I once supervised someone who called these "hell drawers" and if I am ever president I will advocate to change our language to include this) or idle toolbox. Or something sharp from a bathroom cabinet coffee mug jammed with razor handles, makeup handles, and eye lash curlers. "Make sure to save this," you tell yourself and put that along the little Philips head screwdriver and AAA batteries. 

You do the thing and get a brilliant beep and  start all over again. An elite move.

Women and Ghosts

 I'm that sucker the read EVERY book assigned for a class. To the point that it became a running gag throughout the first twenty something years of my life. 

My mother even said "Why bother reading all of the book? Everyone just reads the Cliffs Notes. Or watches the movies?!" And this, was and is still, quite true but I felt honor bound to always read these books. 

Only exceptions were The Count of Monte Cristo in the 10th grade. I took my mother's advice and read the Cliffs Note and then promptly bombed the test. A test the teacher delayed because everyone complained about needing more time to read it. Serves me right. I sat behind my long running crush Irma Arzola and spent too much time day dreaming. Whenever we had gym as our special (10th grade was the last year with pre-assigned specials. 11th and 12th were for AP classes) she wore her gym outfit all day and it was all short shorts and a t-shirt a bit too tight as to see the outline of her bra. 

The other exception was in college, junior year, when I took a classes called Revolutions, Rebellions and Revolts. Beyond the metal sounding name it was taught by a mustachioed Polish-American named Zenon Wasyliw that headed the history department.  Less real politik than history we just learned about the details behind Che Guevara, Mao, the overthrow of the Shah. And we learned about SOuth Africa and had to read Mandela's autobiography which was huge. Two telephone books huge. Guy had plenty to say even though he was in jail for so long! And I made it until maybe 3/4ths of it before I gave up. We had maybe a week of discussion about this. In May. For a twice a week Tuesday-Thursday class. Fuck it. Until Zenon called on me because "We know you read the book!" Luckily, I bull shitted my way through the answer, which, no one could call me out on because...only I read the book!

That all said...I can't remember much of these books. Blame age. Blame the authors. Blame video games, work, kids, tiki drinks, or my allergies, but instead it series of flashes. I read them and spent money on them, but few stick.

Those that did are predominatly short story collections. CivilWarLand in Bad Decline by George Saunders. This is how you lose her by Junot Diaz. How to Breather Underwater by Julie Orringer. 

And Women and Ghosts by Alison Lurie which I thought was out of print but I'm basing that on how big a pain it was to get 15 years ago. But there it was on bookshop.org with other listing for late 80s early 90s brat pack literati. Jay McInerney and Bret Easton Ellis before they became dicks. That is my jam! 

These stories pop for their flow and lovely details without going overboard. All these stories center around people who are quite well off but are never un sympathetic even when receiving comeuppance. These are ghost stories after all. 

Like any anthology, the stories do vary in quality. "Counting Sheep" feels like one of the magical reasons type short stories I tried in the past. What sounds quite profound (he never wants to leave so he becomes a sheep!) is just goofy. This isn't a myth and its quite literal.

"The Highboy" is the story I remember and how it didn't become a goofy tv movie must be because Laurie had scruples. She only recently passed away in December 2020 so why not cash in for your kids or grandkids. Raul Julia in Street Fighter style! In it a malevolent piece of furniture looms literally in the living room and it makes you feel and think on how we anthromprmize things. Feel scorned and owned by what surrounds us.

"Ilse's House" and "Fat People" are also bangers. I know if I were a woman I would likely appreciate these better but if you want to read to learn about others then this is good one, my brothers.  Reading this gave me an early lesson that how I thought writing a female character worked was inherently wrong. Plenty of bad writing stopped right there. 

On The Road

Without planning it, the first two books I read in 2021 had to do with hobos.

You know, train hopping bindle and stick hobos. I guess somewhat appropriately both these books were reads of coincidence. 

Hobo by Eddie Joe Cotton and then Rock Candy Mountain Vol1 by Kyle Starks and Chris Schweizer.

Hobo is supposed to be creative non fiction albeit by the end some of the escapades seem too far fetched. Eddie Joe Cotton writes down all the scraps of paper and notesbooks he kept while traveling for a three week stretch in the 90s. The escapades do have a "one upper" feel to them especially once he reaches Las Vegas. These are books with very little women in them and in Hobo they are pure one dimensional piece of scenery. Shame as Eddie then does a great job describing all the filthy scabby people and situations he encounters. The railroad police (bulls) feel menacing and the term for a hobo camp stew "mulligan" is quite satisfying. Aside from Vegas no locale seems special and maybe that is the point. This books also has its one lexicon and an about 12 page glossary of tramp terms. A book without anything to say really but still an interesting if shallow look at this sub culture.

Rock Candy Mountain has a literal hallway prison fight. Like Daredevil. Thats's awesome!

Light and breezy with a cartoon pull style this is a fun comic series. 

Our hero is untouchable but a clever stipulation explains why (He made a deal with the devil, who is in the story, so that no ONE man can beat him) so it doesn't feel forced or dulling. It also has the FBI, a hobo mafia, and a bit of bare knuckle pop folklore. Has a boxer named Hundred Cat beacuse fighting him is like fighting a hundred cats This! That is awesome! This is a kinetic comic with lots of panels with little verbiage followed by then dense exposition. Perfect analogy for rumbling across the rails. 

After reading all this I do not want to abandon all material possessions and slither away. I do, however, now consider myself part of the elite that knows the difference between a hobo, tramp, and bum. Ill share it because if you are reading this then you must be extra wonderful!

A hobo travels and works. A migrant worker. 

A tramp travels and does not work. Wanderlust

A bum does not travel and does not work. Doldrums.

New Years Cabin 2021

Every quarter mile or so, up would come a trailer flanked by a sagging above ground pool and varying shacks and piles of toys. A power wheels jeep about to bound over a hill of mud. Dollar store bulldozers and monster trucks on their sides in rivulets cut by driveway runoff. This is back-of-beyond Ohio, just a few miles from I77. The part of the state lonely and hilly, emblematic of the bore the state lives up to. I only judge those houses flying Stars and Bars confederate flags since irs traitorous and defeated.  A purely incendiary symbol in a union state like Ohio. Fuck me so fuck you. Small towns like Duncan Falls or Cumberland boil up this settler feeling in me. Well, I could work at this little convenience store and eat at the Rusty Rooster. During the summers I would go every night to Zanesville or even Canton for a movie. A League basketball game. I would have a po box at the two room post office and would read and scribble by the Muskingum River. I can dig it. But the Stars and Bars? Paint that on the side of your truck and roll it right into the river. You are not a Duke boy.

This is all tucked in and around and the Jesse Owens State Park and the irony is indeed lost. The whole place has spindly trees and sense shrubs reclaimed from coal mining just 40 years ago. They made this place better. As recent as the 90s it was a bigger shit hole. 

When I live in Central New York they called this Hollow Country. Every road was soemthing Hollow...Possum Hollow. Quail Hollow. White Hollow, etc. And each was this butt puckering Mr Toad Wild ride down a hill and then back up it twice just to swoop into a zip zag curve lousy with hidden drives. Rusted mailboxes on beat pipe piles that indicated some lonely cabin 100 yards behind the honeysuckle and sycamore.

Save...those were paved. These in Blue Rock OH were not. 

Or not completely. They were a weapons grade half ass patch of pavement and gravel that disintegrated into gravel the further you got from the junction with the actual state roads.  Thanos snapped his fingers and all he got was Bethlehem Road in God, people live here, Ohio.

These are the places you come to for love. Or never leave. Or, like us, to recreate. 

The wife rented a posh cabin in the woods for New Years. Just one night but deep down a self made gully to a honey blonde wood cabin with a hunter green metal roof. A tall A frame with sleek stainless steel appliances. A hot tub and Private pond and hiking trails all out of an Ikea Christmas spread. Everyone loves it and the kids nest for beds. Should we sleep in the loft? Or in the basement bunk beds.

It is the only light for a three mile radius. And it is bright so you are very clear through the floor to ceiling glass window. I find myself constantly side eyeing the glass to see someone walk by. An errant local hired to be a cleaner or person trying to quickly ATV across the private property. Or someone stanf menacingly tapping on the glass. They should be in a mask because that is appropriate. Ghostface. Michael Meyers. Jason. The Strangers. But, why hide your face in rugged isolation? This guy would be brazen and flitting. 

It is difficult to enjoy one self perpetually looking to the dark edges of your AirBnB. I am already anxious and juggle a sense of self doubt with a desire to control. But the family had a good time.