1) Drink more water. Getting up to go pee is an excuse to be away from my desk for a minute or so!
2) Try to pay more paper MTG. Maybe it's drafting at a new store or Commander at my current store. Or encouraging my friends to draft (Note I give most of them rides to the hang out spot but it's ok. I didn't have a car until 25) but going to give it a shot.
3) Eat less sugar. Not like keto or anything but I absolutely love candy. And cookies and cakes and brownies and blondies and ice cream and give it to me now! I want the whole world! And it won't be cold turkey but I'll have maybe one Oreo cookie instead of four.
4) Commit to this blog writing idea where it's a series of interconnected stories. It's the Decameron set during a blizzard at a school. I'll tag them as Snow Day. Not promising it's good
5) I'm calling this one....mourning less. 2023 was a year that professionally was perfectly fine. In these early 2020s I have a job that pays as much as my last one, has less responsibility, a calmer and professional atmosphere, a good, responsive boss, and a supportive set of c- suite leaders. I got a holiday bonus just for working there and I'm allowed a flexibility to work from home quite liberally. All that said, I hate it. Not the people (All quite lovely) but I find myself filled with a negative space. Its an emptiness that had me tearing up in my car at end of shift. Now I just mumble fuck or blerg. I get through with memes and energy drinks. I don't have a work beastie whereas in other jobs I had multiple. There is nothing I love which is unfair to a people and place quite deserving of it.
That said, I left the "professional" hero business for a reason. Was it enriching? Were there people I would jump over a table and throw down for? Of course! But the jobs had me always on call and I attached my emotional validation to them. I don't haul boxes upstairs anymore. I don't work Saturdays or get messages on a Sunday evening that "I didn't expect you to read."
Maybe it is less mourning and just finding validation in something else. However, I'm working at finding peace I may never have that again and find joy that I did have it for 15 plus years. No one is trying to hit me with their car in the office. I can't tell my kids what I do all day. And, note, not because I do anything salacious but beacuse it's a corporate busy ambiguous job with emails and spreadsheets. But I have my war stories of loading an ambulance into a shipping container and a day where everyone wore matching shirts in my honor.
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