Wednesday, September 01, 2021

False Fall

Early September and everyone is switching to early spooky season. But, it is still hot, pushing on 82 degrees and still as soupy and buzzy as any other day in August or July before it. 

There are still mountains of tomatoes dropping from plants and becoming burdens to anyone not prepared. And those prepared (People with canners or raw tomato enthusiasts) likely grew their own tomatoes so instead they are left in office break rooms (Free! TAKE ONE!) or handed out like ticking white elephant style gifts. Quick, eat this before it spoils. 

This is when smart people will say "Pumpkin spice doesn't really taste like pumpkin you know?"
Indeed just like the butter at movie theaters is not butter and the fluff inside Oreos is fluff instead of cream. Or crème to keep it extra confectionary. 
Even smarter people will say "Pumpkin spice is a mix of mace, all spice, cloves, cinnamon etc that is used for all kinds of baking. Women started adding to their coffee because it reminded them of these things so when you hate pumpkin spice you actually hate women."
For sure, it began a something small. Is there a coffee shop where they first made pumpkin spice? I used to live in a place where they fought about being the originator of the term "ice cream sundae."  And, home is where the pina colada supposedly began albeit no one wants to claim it. No one who wants to be anyone or anything at least. So this has to exist. Wherever pumpkin town USA exists, some local coffee shop dropped that 25-30 years ago and then the genie could never be let back in the bottle. 
 
This early and its false fall. Its hoodie weather and everyone looks great in hoodies. 

Your rival? They looks extra zippy in that red hoodie

Your friends? They look great and maybe you can match dueling hoodies

Your crush? Act normal, not dumb, but they look banging in that heather grey hoodie. 

You! Yes, even you. This is my hooded sweatshirt from college ten years ago and yes I still fit in it and yes I look bomb in it.

As a young man I bought a solid white hoodie with royal blue trim and wore it all day on a flight from the tropics to the snow mounds of northern New York state. Did not spill a damn drop on it. Which would be first and last time that happens. As an old man I still quickly flip that hood up and when it catches over my scalp in one go I feel infinitely powerful. 

Apple picking weather. Apple picking is a racket. The farmer realized how profitable it would be to have people pay THEM money to pick apples because its fun or for family photos. You get to the orchard and they only have two sizes. 

Inconveniently small. This box is the size of a child's lunch box
Inconveniently large. This bag is the literal Bag of Holding from a Dungeons and Dragons quest. There could be a dragon in here!

The practical bags have already been stuffed full of apples and laid out in the orchard's gift shop. That is no fun. 

So you get the HUGE bag because 1) Fuck it 2) While I don't think I can eat 100 apples I sure as hell can eat more than the 5 the tiny bag can hold and 3) We will make apple pies. And butter and jams, etc, etc.

Then you need to haul the hug bag loaded with apples all over the orchard strategically trying to leave space for the varieties all the way at the end of the rows. Don't get too crazy with Jonagolds. There are Fujis in the WAY BACK and those are my favorite. Bright white blistering sweet apples. 

True fall comes later and after Halloween. In the doldrums between it and Thanksgiving. Here the charms are gone and it is getting to cold for any of the hay bale rides and cider sniffs. There it is blustery and scratchy as leaves pour over the pavement.

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