The Kitty Cat Game

I tend to be a "yelling" type dad. I am a quiet person but do come from a loud culture where it is OK to berate kids in public. I have never berated my kids in public but we have done lots of "We need to go the car" or "Come here" and then its the usual awkward hissing negotiating in corner of a restaurant booth or crouched in some abandoned aisle of Costco. Usually the aisle with the school supplies by the jewelry, where they also sometimes have oddball video games.
I also tend to lose my cool and never get physical but yeah get dramatic. Taking away toys is a premium strategy and I have often said "You will never see motorized Thomas again. He goes in the trash!" and then fake toss him in the garbage like you fake out a dog playing fetch. I did once smash some plastic happy meal toy because the kids were going apeshit over how (even though they each had the same one) the others was better. I also once popped a balloon they were fighting over because fuck be QUIET!

This is where I have I love my kids and they do wonderful in school. My son began kindergarten and all the teachers are "He is so great. He always listen to directions the first time and is so sweet" Well I am glad he is good at school because he is a pain in the ass at home. I would be mortified it is was the other way around, however.

Nothing gets me into a major angry dad yelling mode than the "Kitty Cat Game." It is the only thing outright banned in our house. I rather my kids smoke a pack of  cigarettes and cat call people in the street then play the "Kitty Cat Game." Would you kids rather play Russian Roulette? Or Desert Bus?

What is the "Kitty Cat Game?"

Well it starts as roleplaying where my kids get on all fours and pretend to be kittens. It always begins 'Oh, Im a little kitty! A little baby kitten" and then drop down (regardless of the flooring. I don't know how they have not busted knee caps Kyrie Irving style yet) and start to mewl and meow. And its pretty damn convincing. My son does a purr meow combo that i want to sell to a foley mixing studio but I pretty sure they got cats covered.

This then proceeds to the kittens either need to play or get in trouble. Both end in tears and yelling.

The Play Option is...the kittens roll balls and find "yarn" (usually a toy. Oddly enough Paw Patrol vehicles are top choices) and whip them around the floor. The kittens start playing in their own corners but slowly gravitate towards each other until they are in middle of the floor and then "accidentally" the toys get mixed up and the kids/kittens outright brawl for it. Oh, the brawl begins innocently. "That is my toy pretend ball of yarn! Wah! Meow! Hiss. Im going to jump on your back!" Which is what a cat would do (Save for the talking) but then it becomes a tangle of toddler arms and legs.

The Trouble Option....the kittens go on an adventure! We need to go to Grandpa's House. And as soon as they start..."Oh no. We fell into a mine" or "A scary bear has trapped us" and the kittens are frozen in fear save that one kid rolls into the other (For comfort you see) and it then becomes a God damn brawl. The peril can go on for a bit and even when we, as parents intervene, (Don't worry kittens. Daddy will save you from the mine) they just get right back into trouble. "Thanks for saving us from the mine, Daddy! Kittens are back on the road to Grandpa's! Meow meow...oh no fell into the mine again!" So it can take a while for it to build to a climax.

This makes it sound very BDSM and i think my son's peril fascination is due to this but then I remember feeling certain ways in certain scenes of Sailor Moon and I am aghast at the Hundred Years of Solitude sense of how families can never escape themselves. We are doomed to become our parents. My son also likes earthquakes and disaster news coverage so it could also be much more technical in terms of its mischief level. Rescue 911 was one of my favorites shows as a child.

All the brawls end the same with me or the wife needing to separate the mass of toddlers. My son likes to bite (Is this part of the cat game as well?) but he only bites us (Again the "good at school" phenomenon) and all my kids love the passive aggressive jab of "I don't like you anymore. You are not my friend." I really wish sometimes my kids would just call me "stupid" because that kind of verbiage makes me wonder if they are growing to grow up to be little master manipulators. I don't want my kids to be Ben Linus from Lost.

It really is a form of ritualized combat but I am not having any of it. No one is crowned king or queen after it ends.  I rather them say "Daddy, can we go beat the hell out of each other with sticks in the backyard?" then engage in the "Kitty Cat Game"