It made me think of grating horrible and awkward moments. The ones that make you get up at 2:45am and wonder "How did I say that!? How did I survive?" The ones seared into your mind.
Here is one. A true story. My sister is much older than I. By, about a decade. By the time she was out of college and beginning her adult life I was in early high school. One time, she brought down a boyfriend to visit the family on the old island of Puerto Rico. The guy (Real nice guy. Ended up marrying him) wanted to learn Spanish and write down phrases to practice. He asked to go to a drug store and get a notebook. I overheard this and said "Oh, I have one you can use." I ran to my desk and found a tiny spiral bound notebook and scanned the pages. They were all clear. Which, was good as I had one notebook where I would write the most purple prose. Star Wars fan fiction (The Adventures of Kryat Squadron) and then narratives to myself of pretty girls in high school and how they would, of course, adore me. I once noted how Marilyn M wore her volleyball uniform all day (That was allowed if you were on a team) and how that was awesome. How Rachel H dressed up as Supergirl for Halloween and the wind hit her skirt just right sometimes to get a peek at her underwear. Did I tell you this is cringe?
But, this notebook? No, it was clean. I double checked it and gave it to to the guy. As I walked back to my room I heard him say "Is this a love poem?" and then I ran and locked myself in the space. I turned on the window AC and made it blast along with the stereo so that I could pretend to ignore any rings. "Let me see," was last thing I heard my sister say as I ran way to bury myself. Hours later they went to dinner and I snuck into his room* and scanned the notebook and...fuck...there was a poem there. About Irma A and how she was formed from all the elements into this goddess and it had to be dealt with ASAP. I ripped the page to pieces and flushed it in separate waves down the toilet. They never brought it up. Maybe they forgot? Or maybe they were too kind but this is the only record. To be read by the few eyes that see this.
Here is another cringe one. It also involves my sister save we are much younger and in the countryside of the hilly interior of Puerto Rico. I don't remember the town but the scene is something out of Sound of Music save everything is tropical. But yeah the rolling hills and open gullies set by wood framed country homes. We are there because a neighbor of ours (Who was Basque. What an Inception of the historical losers. A Basque guy living in Puerto Rico!) would take us to this big Basque party up there and we just went because it was one of those things your parents dragged you to. My childhood is lots of parties sitting on chairs or in corners trying to find a tv to watch. My sister was there playing with other young girls. She was always more outgoing and she and three other girls (I assume somehow Basque? There could have been maybe one Basque guy and he just had the gift of too many friends) playing Monopoly.
"Can I play?" I asked. They said sure. And I rolled some number and landed on the rail road. "What does that mean?"
"Oh you get on a train and have to leave the game. Thanks for playing" They all said.
And I believed it! Fuck! I just walked away to walk around the grounds and wait until Mami said it was time to go home.
This blog could be cringe but I think it can be too sincere sometimes for it to be too awful.
*My mother being Mami made sure to keep the adults in separate beds as they were not married. But only because "What would his parents think?" And, I don't know. They were not there.
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