After a full week of posts I come to you with some cosmic justice. I was getting into a blogging groove and then my computer crashed. I just woke up the next day and my desktop was making all kinds of horrible noises and failing to start up.
Thankfully, in a serendipitous turn of events, Amanda just got a new laptop and that is where I am currently blogging from.
Not really an excuse, per se, but this will seriously hurt my "Great Works Defiled" tradition of putting funny hats on the varmints. I had several pictures of the animals on the desktop and last thing I want to do is clutter up the laptop with such silliness.
I still have the blog, thankfully. Unless Google's computers crash, but, if that were to happen, I think people would want their G-Mail back up before FOTBP. When I could no longer access my files this morning, I realized that almost all my short stories are up on the blog. And all of my work for Tompkins Weekly remains on their website. I take a lot of pride in these little posts. Sure, they are riddled with typos I made in haste and lame jokes. But if trying to get someone to read any of this is my dream (My person, if you allow me to be so bold) then it is comforting to know that it will remain up and active. My work remains as "cloud computing," even though I really want those varmint pictures.
Peace!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
X-Files: I Want To Believe-FOTBP Review
It is done. With the X-Files: I Want to Believe firmly in my cortex, I only need to wait for Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen to come out next June and my movie going days are set.*
I purposely stayed away from IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and even the local movie critic before watching the film. I tend to whore out the movie info sites before watching anything. I never look for spoilers, but any information is welcome.
Speaking of which...The Truth is Still out there and SPOILERS ARE IN HERE!
If you want to be surprised, then stop reading at the posters and look for the Apollo 11 logo at the bottom. Anything in between those two images comes with SPOILERS. I am sorry for the SPOILERS, but I cannot give my full opinion of the film without telling you about some concrete images.
Well, I liked it, but I am a die hard fan. If a movie based on a TV show were ever to alienate or disappoint its fanatics then something horrible must have happened. Something along the lines of the devil making the movie himself. The X-Files: I Want to Believe (IWTB) does no such thing. The exact opposite happens and everything seems to happen to bring Mulder and Scully to the focus.
What did the rest of America think about it?
EEEEPPP! A 31% rating on Rotten Tomatoes! Not good at all! That is only six points higher then Step Up 2: The Streets and five points below 2 Fast 2 Furious! What was that about the devil again?
It is not fair to compare those movies to IWTB. Both of those movies were horrible from the first teaser trailer. If IWTB is supposed to be as big a flop as that rating indicates then we were disappointed once the film ended? What happened?
Duchovny and Anderson bring back their patented energy and chemistry for the movie. Their own little drama makes up for the weak points in the plot. Anderson looks particularly fabulous as Scully. Time has been kind to her and she has not lost any of the dominance she had over the role. I think Duchovny looks great too and for an actor that has tried to move beyond the Mulder role, he falls right back into the quips, rants, and asides. Watching them on screen feels like slipping on a pair of old jeans. The people have still got it.
I got several of my movie wishes granted. No Krycek and CSM. Skinner shows up, but he comes so late in the movie that he is as ethereal as many of the ghosts the agents hunted during the series. I do not know what Mitch Pileggi has been up to since the series ended, but he to comes right back into the Skinner role. He just has the screen presence and intense look (Here in dubbed, "The Pileggi") that makes it feel like he is recognizing ten different things in the room he can use to kill you. You don't fuck with "The Pileggi" look.
Skinner's cameo was great, but it came out of nowhere. He just happens to pop out of black SUV after Scully says she need to speak to someone else at the FBI. What is he? The FBI's special teams? These quick intros and exits exemplify what I think to be the biggest weakness in the film. Like the season 7 episode, this movie is in a "Rush," and it shows. In an opening scene we are lead to believe that Scully and Mulder had some sort of a falling out and hardly speak to one another. This makes sense in light of Mulder's fugitive status at the end of the series and the existence of the neo-conspiracy. Scully has a bit of a tighter alibi and spared of Mulder's pariah status, she becomes a full-fledged doctor at a Catholic hospital. However, right after the scene where Scully explains the relationship, she drives up to an isolated farm house that she and Mulder share. I thought it was his little hideout, but that is there house. I ran with my mistaken belief through the first crime scenes. Mulder and Scully are definitely getting back into their groove while the question the supposedly psychic Father Joe (Well acted by Billy Connolly, but with little character development), but Scully fears that Mulder will be swept back into "the darkness." She would also then be swept into the mix, forcing her to abandon her work and terminally ill pediatric patient. Hence, they are former partners and lovers, divided by their desire for stability and safety versus "the truth."
Of course, the very next scene is a classic Scully in bed moment where she reflects on the case under the covers. We then see Mulder pull up from behind her and start to spoon with her! We do not get to see the deed, but it is directly implied that they made love just a few moments ago and you were probably out getting popcorn you sucker movie goers.
Don't get me wrong! Seeing Mulder and Scully spooning in bed like a pair of old lover set my fanboy heart a flutter. And not in some kinky way, but in a Fuck Yeah! sort of way. All wonderful stuff, but didn't we just spend thirty minutes realizing that they are trying to keep a low profile? I guess not.
The plot is a bit loopy. This creates both pros and cons. I will not get into any huge spoilers, but there a few notable scenes that just seem there to pad for time, most notably an exchange between one of the villains and a lawyer. Consequently, all the characters in that scene are played by no-names with no connection to the franchise canon. Considering that what brought Mulder and Scully back together was a missing FBI agent, we spend no time learning exactly why this agent is impossible enough to ask for Fox Mulder's help. Amanda Peet does as much as she can with her brief character and their are inklings that she is supposed to have some sort of professional crush on Mulder. Thankfully, these ham handed bits do not lead to a Scully/Dakota Whitney catfight and Peet's character is quickly killed off. This also felt rushed, as if the creators wanted to up the villains "evil" ranking. Are we supposed to feel bad for her? No one on the case seems to. Xzibit acts what is essentially an X-Files mold role of "super skeptical cop." He does it well with a deep voice that comes off as both authoritative and defiant. Like Sam Jackson Lite. Very lite, actually.
The nice bit of the loopy plot is that we get treated to several possible explanations for the crimes. Could it really be a psychic connection? Or is it something more mundane like plain old fashioned kidnapping? The twists are OK and keep the plot fresh, albeit un-shocking. The end proves anticlimatic. The agents get their man, but considering that the criminals one henchman is "Guy With An Ax," it makes you miss the days when the agents had to battle Alien Bounty Hunters and the entire Peacock family to solve the case. It was nice to see a true mad scientist as the villian and you cannot deny the sheer fun of an actual mutant two-headed guard dog! But, again, he only has one.
It is a beautiful looking movie with many gorgeous snows capes. None of the images are especially haunting or arresting, but the slow pacing of a line of FBI men with scouting poles contrasts nicely with the exploding summer blockbusters. There is one lovely scene where we view Father Joe face on as he walks toward us (i.e., a frozen lake). In the background is a snowy cabin and the spruce trees behind it are throwing off a faint miasma of snow that creates an icy rainbow. If the X-Files series had been shot as a cheap set sitcom/drama then these scenes would be mind blowing and innovative. However, IWTB is a victim of its parent's own success and just meets the bar of lovely X-Files backdrops.
Mark Snow is back at the sound board and you couldn't ask for anyone else but this series veteran to provide a soundtrack. There are some humorous touches. I think some people might find an early scene where Scully and Mulder are waiting in an FBI hallway and the cameras pans to a portrait picture of George W. Bush. The X-Files theme music then chimes in and both agents looked puzzled. This is both a jab at an unpopular president (And he looks particularly goofy in the picture in case you want to thrown in "Leftist Hollywood" conspiracy observations) and a reference to the show's history. Pictures of public officials are not uncommon in federal facilities and you could always see the floating head of Bill Clinton or Janet Reno in Skinner's office. In the later seasons this was changed to Bush to reflect his swindl...err...I mean election in 2000. In an ultimate "Pileggi" moment I could Skinner beating CSM to death with a framed picture of Janet Reno!
I find it interesting how many online discussions mentions how a successful (or unsuccessful) movie performance could determine the future of the series. I must have missed something because I consider this a nice epilogue. Like Sex and The City: The Movie, IWTB exists because it would be great to see our favorite characters again. The film is unkind to newcomers. If you never watched an episode of The X-Files then this would be a truly horrible movie. It might do well if you have a casual attraction to the show or remember older family and friends watching it in the 1990's. It can make you want to explore all the back story that the movie plays fast and loose with. All the nostalgic touches (William, the fish tank, the sunflower seeds, the pencils, Samantha, Scully's faith, etc.) whip up fanatics, but can either confuse or annoy first comers. Sadly, IWTB has no scares or chills. If this was supposed to be an important chronicle in X-Files history then where is the scary zing?! The writer play around with the very idea of the X-Files. When Scully fears that Mulder will get sucked back into "the darkness" and lose his mind he retorts by saying this is what he does. Interesting to consider the X-Files defined not so much by finding the elusive truth, but instead defined by the search for it. Getting there is half the fun in The X-Files and it lends the show an air of agelessness.
If you could not guess from the X-Files Week coverage, I was excited for this movie and the lack of hype actually made me even more anxious. I never expected it to become a smash, but still expected something higher then 31%. Designed to signal the end of the summer 2009 movie season, IWTB premiered only a week after The Dark Knight. Since our theater still had three screens showing that Batman bad boy it is safe to say that IWTB had quite the expectations to meet. We got a big long episode, which is usually the flaw in TV to film adaptations, but considering the movie was just supposed to have some fun in the X-Files universe, that formula feels necessary. It still accounts for many of the film's weaknesses, but bringing the conspiracy back to full life and ending on some cliffhanger would have muddied the X-Files experience.
I would have paid $9.50 to see Mulder and Scully share a cup of coffee and slice of pie at the local diner. I would have still wanted to see Skinner pull off his "Pileggi," but X-Files can take me anywhere. If IWTB makes even just one new viewer want to give the TV series a try then it was all worth it.
Peace and Don't Give Up!
*Well...they might make a Green Lantern movie. Someday. Or another movie based on a Palahniuk book or CivilWar Land in Bad Decline film. I pray for a Daredevil remake. Every God damn day.
I purposely stayed away from IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and even the local movie critic before watching the film. I tend to whore out the movie info sites before watching anything. I never look for spoilers, but any information is welcome.
Speaking of which...The Truth is Still out there and SPOILERS ARE IN HERE!
If you want to be surprised, then stop reading at the posters and look for the Apollo 11 logo at the bottom. Anything in between those two images comes with SPOILERS. I am sorry for the SPOILERS, but I cannot give my full opinion of the film without telling you about some concrete images.
Well, I liked it, but I am a die hard fan. If a movie based on a TV show were ever to alienate or disappoint its fanatics then something horrible must have happened. Something along the lines of the devil making the movie himself. The X-Files: I Want to Believe (IWTB) does no such thing. The exact opposite happens and everything seems to happen to bring Mulder and Scully to the focus.
What did the rest of America think about it?
EEEEPPP! A 31% rating on Rotten Tomatoes! Not good at all! That is only six points higher then Step Up 2: The Streets and five points below 2 Fast 2 Furious! What was that about the devil again?
It is not fair to compare those movies to IWTB. Both of those movies were horrible from the first teaser trailer. If IWTB is supposed to be as big a flop as that rating indicates then we were disappointed once the film ended? What happened?
Duchovny and Anderson bring back their patented energy and chemistry for the movie. Their own little drama makes up for the weak points in the plot. Anderson looks particularly fabulous as Scully. Time has been kind to her and she has not lost any of the dominance she had over the role. I think Duchovny looks great too and for an actor that has tried to move beyond the Mulder role, he falls right back into the quips, rants, and asides. Watching them on screen feels like slipping on a pair of old jeans. The people have still got it.
I got several of my movie wishes granted. No Krycek and CSM. Skinner shows up, but he comes so late in the movie that he is as ethereal as many of the ghosts the agents hunted during the series. I do not know what Mitch Pileggi has been up to since the series ended, but he to comes right back into the Skinner role. He just has the screen presence and intense look (Here in dubbed, "The Pileggi") that makes it feel like he is recognizing ten different things in the room he can use to kill you. You don't fuck with "The Pileggi" look.
Skinner's cameo was great, but it came out of nowhere. He just happens to pop out of black SUV after Scully says she need to speak to someone else at the FBI. What is he? The FBI's special teams? These quick intros and exits exemplify what I think to be the biggest weakness in the film. Like the season 7 episode, this movie is in a "Rush," and it shows. In an opening scene we are lead to believe that Scully and Mulder had some sort of a falling out and hardly speak to one another. This makes sense in light of Mulder's fugitive status at the end of the series and the existence of the neo-conspiracy. Scully has a bit of a tighter alibi and spared of Mulder's pariah status, she becomes a full-fledged doctor at a Catholic hospital. However, right after the scene where Scully explains the relationship, she drives up to an isolated farm house that she and Mulder share. I thought it was his little hideout, but that is there house. I ran with my mistaken belief through the first crime scenes. Mulder and Scully are definitely getting back into their groove while the question the supposedly psychic Father Joe (Well acted by Billy Connolly, but with little character development), but Scully fears that Mulder will be swept back into "the darkness." She would also then be swept into the mix, forcing her to abandon her work and terminally ill pediatric patient. Hence, they are former partners and lovers, divided by their desire for stability and safety versus "the truth."
Of course, the very next scene is a classic Scully in bed moment where she reflects on the case under the covers. We then see Mulder pull up from behind her and start to spoon with her! We do not get to see the deed, but it is directly implied that they made love just a few moments ago and you were probably out getting popcorn you sucker movie goers.
Don't get me wrong! Seeing Mulder and Scully spooning in bed like a pair of old lover set my fanboy heart a flutter. And not in some kinky way, but in a Fuck Yeah! sort of way. All wonderful stuff, but didn't we just spend thirty minutes realizing that they are trying to keep a low profile? I guess not.
The plot is a bit loopy. This creates both pros and cons. I will not get into any huge spoilers, but there a few notable scenes that just seem there to pad for time, most notably an exchange between one of the villains and a lawyer. Consequently, all the characters in that scene are played by no-names with no connection to the franchise canon. Considering that what brought Mulder and Scully back together was a missing FBI agent, we spend no time learning exactly why this agent is impossible enough to ask for Fox Mulder's help. Amanda Peet does as much as she can with her brief character and their are inklings that she is supposed to have some sort of professional crush on Mulder. Thankfully, these ham handed bits do not lead to a Scully/Dakota Whitney catfight and Peet's character is quickly killed off. This also felt rushed, as if the creators wanted to up the villains "evil" ranking. Are we supposed to feel bad for her? No one on the case seems to. Xzibit acts what is essentially an X-Files mold role of "super skeptical cop." He does it well with a deep voice that comes off as both authoritative and defiant. Like Sam Jackson Lite. Very lite, actually.
The nice bit of the loopy plot is that we get treated to several possible explanations for the crimes. Could it really be a psychic connection? Or is it something more mundane like plain old fashioned kidnapping? The twists are OK and keep the plot fresh, albeit un-shocking. The end proves anticlimatic. The agents get their man, but considering that the criminals one henchman is "Guy With An Ax," it makes you miss the days when the agents had to battle Alien Bounty Hunters and the entire Peacock family to solve the case. It was nice to see a true mad scientist as the villian and you cannot deny the sheer fun of an actual mutant two-headed guard dog! But, again, he only has one.
It is a beautiful looking movie with many gorgeous snows capes. None of the images are especially haunting or arresting, but the slow pacing of a line of FBI men with scouting poles contrasts nicely with the exploding summer blockbusters. There is one lovely scene where we view Father Joe face on as he walks toward us (i.e., a frozen lake). In the background is a snowy cabin and the spruce trees behind it are throwing off a faint miasma of snow that creates an icy rainbow. If the X-Files series had been shot as a cheap set sitcom/drama then these scenes would be mind blowing and innovative. However, IWTB is a victim of its parent's own success and just meets the bar of lovely X-Files backdrops.
Mark Snow is back at the sound board and you couldn't ask for anyone else but this series veteran to provide a soundtrack. There are some humorous touches. I think some people might find an early scene where Scully and Mulder are waiting in an FBI hallway and the cameras pans to a portrait picture of George W. Bush. The X-Files theme music then chimes in and both agents looked puzzled. This is both a jab at an unpopular president (And he looks particularly goofy in the picture in case you want to thrown in "Leftist Hollywood" conspiracy observations) and a reference to the show's history. Pictures of public officials are not uncommon in federal facilities and you could always see the floating head of Bill Clinton or Janet Reno in Skinner's office. In the later seasons this was changed to Bush to reflect his swindl...err...I mean election in 2000. In an ultimate "Pileggi" moment I could Skinner beating CSM to death with a framed picture of Janet Reno!
I find it interesting how many online discussions mentions how a successful (or unsuccessful) movie performance could determine the future of the series. I must have missed something because I consider this a nice epilogue. Like Sex and The City: The Movie, IWTB exists because it would be great to see our favorite characters again. The film is unkind to newcomers. If you never watched an episode of The X-Files then this would be a truly horrible movie. It might do well if you have a casual attraction to the show or remember older family and friends watching it in the 1990's. It can make you want to explore all the back story that the movie plays fast and loose with. All the nostalgic touches (William, the fish tank, the sunflower seeds, the pencils, Samantha, Scully's faith, etc.) whip up fanatics, but can either confuse or annoy first comers. Sadly, IWTB has no scares or chills. If this was supposed to be an important chronicle in X-Files history then where is the scary zing?! The writer play around with the very idea of the X-Files. When Scully fears that Mulder will get sucked back into "the darkness" and lose his mind he retorts by saying this is what he does. Interesting to consider the X-Files defined not so much by finding the elusive truth, but instead defined by the search for it. Getting there is half the fun in The X-Files and it lends the show an air of agelessness.
If you could not guess from the X-Files Week coverage, I was excited for this movie and the lack of hype actually made me even more anxious. I never expected it to become a smash, but still expected something higher then 31%. Designed to signal the end of the summer 2009 movie season, IWTB premiered only a week after The Dark Knight. Since our theater still had three screens showing that Batman bad boy it is safe to say that IWTB had quite the expectations to meet. We got a big long episode, which is usually the flaw in TV to film adaptations, but considering the movie was just supposed to have some fun in the X-Files universe, that formula feels necessary. It still accounts for many of the film's weaknesses, but bringing the conspiracy back to full life and ending on some cliffhanger would have muddied the X-Files experience.
I would have paid $9.50 to see Mulder and Scully share a cup of coffee and slice of pie at the local diner. I would have still wanted to see Skinner pull off his "Pileggi," but X-Files can take me anywhere. If IWTB makes even just one new viewer want to give the TV series a try then it was all worth it.
Peace and Don't Give Up!
*Well...they might make a Green Lantern movie. Someday. Or another movie based on a Palahniuk book or CivilWar Land in Bad Decline film. I pray for a Daredevil remake. Every God damn day.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Your homework is due
It is July 26, 2008 If you haven't seen the X-Files: I Want to Believe already, then drop everything you are doing and go see it! Yes, stop reading this blog and go! I shudder to think of all those new readers I must be losing, but you have to see the movie.
I already did. What did I think of it? Well, you will have to wait until Sunday for that. Use the time to go the see the movie! Peace!
I already did. What did I think of it? Well, you will have to wait until Sunday for that. Use the time to go the see the movie! Peace!
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Day is Here!
It is July 25th! Back in the PR, it is Constitution Day and, depending on your political preferences, you are either celebrating or protesting. Everyone gets a day off and at every event there will be lots and lots of Coors Light. Seriously, Coors Light is to Puerto Ricans like Spam is to Hawaiians. Remember that truck from Smokey and the Bandit filled with Coors Light? It went right past the South and floated all the way to San Juan.
It is also the day the Andrea Doria sunk and the day the Cerro Maravilla killings took place and atomic test took place on Bikini Atoll and the Air France Concorde crash.
Christ on a Bike! What a day to launch what has to be the greatest thing to come out of 2008! The movie will make up for all those things*
What movie, you say?
Of course, there are a few things I would like to see and not see. Let us start with the good...
Aside from those specifics, I just want to have fun! Here is a link to Fandango for those of you that have not already found your X-Files crucibl...errr....I mean local movie theather.
Peace and happy movie viewing!
*No, it will not. But it is still X-Files!
** An overreaching analogy, but, like Batman's Joker, Cigarette Smoking Man was originally created a a filler character. They then both grew to prominent evil doing.
It is also the day the Andrea Doria sunk and the day the Cerro Maravilla killings took place and atomic test took place on Bikini Atoll and the Air France Concorde crash.
Christ on a Bike! What a day to launch what has to be the greatest thing to come out of 2008! The movie will make up for all those things*
What movie, you say?
DID YOU JUST STUMBLE UPON THIS BLOG!?!?!?
Just like the first X-Files movie, the creators have kept quiet about the film and I have stayed away from teaser/discussion sites. I will be thorughly unprepared for the film and isn't that the way we should watch our based on a TV show movies? Here comes a big episode and I refuse to press the "Info" button on the remote.If so, thanks for reading and go to your local movie theatre because X-Files: I Want to Believe is premeiring today nationwide!!!!!!!
Of course, there are a few things I would like to see and not see. Let us start with the good...
- I would like to see or hear a reference to Doggett and Reyes. What ever happened to them after they break Mulder out of jail and escape the Black Helicopters? I realize that they are not in movie, but give us something Mr. Carter!
- I want Walter Skinner! Mitch Pileggi dominated that role and I even think he did his best when he narrated Fox's Magic's Biggest Secrets Revealed specials!
- Another Mulder and Scully kiss! EEEEE!
- The expected twist ending. All the "monster of the week" episodes ended with a twist that showed us the beasts were still out there. With the movie being a monster episode, I would appreciate a nice focus shot on a thicket of trees and then see some eyes staring back at us. With out such a touch, it really isn't X-Files.
- Alex Krycek. HE IS DEAD! I remember the episode (Season 8's "Existence") where Skinner shot him ice cold killa style with a 9mm bullet to the head. I lept off the bed and shouted in murderous joy! Never have I despised such a TV villain until Lost's Others. It was fun to watch them blown to bits in the Season 3 finale.
- The Cigarette Smoking Man. He is also dead. He single handily changed history several times and is the Joker to Mulder and Scully's Batman**, but all men pay for their sins.
- Crap. Oh man, I really hope the movie doesn't suck.
Aside from those specifics, I just want to have fun! Here is a link to Fandango for those of you that have not already found your X-Files crucibl...errr....I mean local movie theather.
Peace and happy movie viewing!
*No, it will not. But it is still X-Files!
** An overreaching analogy, but, like Batman's Joker, Cigarette Smoking Man was originally created a a filler character. They then both grew to prominent evil doing.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Over A Shark Or Two
I do not think The X-Files ever "jumped the shark." Of course, I am quite the fan, so you would expect me to remain loyal even after the movie, Duchovny's exit, and the riddles wrapped in enigma conspiracy arcs. My definition for "jumping the shark" centers around an actually crazy or wacky stunt/plot point that makes me want to stop watching the show. As a fan, I appreciate the effort that creators and actors put into each little 44 minute drama and I do not immediately crucify them for a weak episode or two.
Jumping the shark needs to be something truly insane and out of character. Since the X-Files features many shades of mutant and monster, it's jump the shark would need to be big. Really big.
I remember when Amanda and I started dating and she introduced me to Gilmore Girls. A solid show that features a quintessential of "jumping the shark." We never got to see the final season on TV, because we did not have cable that year and Ithaca is infamous for it's lack of over the air broadcasts. I once got a Christian gospel channel and the FOX affiliate out of Syracuse with a massive English Lop style bunny ear antennae.
When we received the final season of DVD, we eagerly awaited for a resolution. Then there was that episode where a pickle train derails outside of Stars Hollow and makes the whole town stink of dill!
Oy! My sides! The hilarity just writes itself with that concept. Stop it Palladinos! You're killing me!
I mean, Stars Hollow, CT could not really exist to begin with, but do trains full of pickles criss cross our nation? Do they say "Pickles" on the side of the box cars? Are the box cars shaped like pickles, like in the Richard Scary books! Wouldn't the state or NTSB be involved in the gerkin disposal. Not the usual army of volunteers from Stars Hollow. The town could raise an army to rival Hannibal's elephants. And the quips they would deliver! OY!
That was crazy and we both just watched the rest to see what happened. Oh, and when did Rory become a stary-eyed hopeless romantic. Wasn't she going to change the world? Thankfully, Lorelai totally ends up with Luke, which is how it should be! WOOOOO!
OK, let's get back to X-Files. That is why I gave you that little picture of John Dogget and Monica Reyes. It is X-Files week. A Gilmore Girls week would probably result in me getting my ass kicked.
Duchovny's departure was a loss. Initially, I was left reeling. Where would X-Files go without Mulder? Isn't he the entire reason that unit got off the ground, albeit still in the basement offices of the FBI. I pretty much freaked out!
I now realize that losing Mulder did some good for the series. In a show where the agents are shot at, attacked by monsters, and killer viruses, it would make sense that a main character either dies or decides to retire. Mulder does neither, but within the show's organic potential, his exit is understandable. It would have been weirder if one of the characters from Friends got their head decapitated by driving a convertible under a truck trailer. The kids from Central Perk do not routinely engage in death defying so such a trick would be a true jump the shark.
In the wake of Duchovny's departure and Anderson's mostly behind the scene roles in the final seasons, we got new X-Files agents. I think that time has justified Agent John Doggett and Agent Monica Reyes. When they first appeared, there was this universal feeling of betrayal that the writers incorporated into the show. Upon first meeting Doggett, Scully is distrustful of the man supposedly sent to find Mulder and throws water in his face. I am not a mean ahead of my time, but I always liked Doggett and Reyes.
First off, Robert Patrick is a woefully undervalued actor. His role as the T-1000 brought him to national attention, but it limits the roles he is assigned. I would not cast Patrick to play the dad on 7th Heaven, but he excels in the Doggett role. He is just a good cop put into an insane unit. And with a mind better suited at finding murderers and kidnappers, he is supposed to track down batmen and guys made out of metal. He showed a sense of wonder when first encountering paranormal phenomenon (Even though he kept it inside) and stood in stark contract to Mulder. I love Mulder, but he always seemed to know what was the monster or anomaly. His sense of amazement came from "I told you so and here is proof." Doggett's comes from "HOLY SHIT. That guy's arm just melted off his body!" We got to spend a few seasons with Doggett and he has a nice enough repertoire to get a handle on his character.
Annabeth Gish, who plays Monica Reyes, had even less time to develop her character. You could feel that in her episodes where she sometimes came off a New Age Flower Girl with a gun and other times felt like something akin to Law and Order: SVU's Detective Olivia Benson. Oh, and she was half-Mexican too. With another season or two the writers could have could have sharpened her character into the "Mulder-lite" she was supposed to represent. She brought this wonderful sincerity and energy to the duo. If Mulder was smug, Scully was stubborn, and Dogget gruff, then Reyes was just wonder. She was everyone's inner fan, that little voice that kept saying, "Isn't this stuff cool!?" One-time X-Files Agent Leyla Harrison is supposed to be our onscreen X-Files fanatic (And she does this wonderfully), but Reyes represents that curiosity the convinced so many people back in 1993 to stay in on a Friday night.
Doggett and Reyes could have carried the show beyond the ninth season. If the FBI really did have a X-Files unit then you would most likely see something like Doggett and Reyes. Again, I want Mulder and Scully to come to my wedding, but the team up is a bit implausible. Scully is the young and bright doctor that gave up medicine to become a talented FBI agent. Oh, and she is hot! Mulder is another young agent who could have caught the Green River Killer if allowed, but gave up that gift to become an encyclopedia of paranormal knowledge. Oh, and he is hot too!
Doggett and Reyes were also supposed to share a muted romance. I admit it would be a bit lazy to have these two agents fall in love as well (Is there something about those basement offices that make people fall in love? The gypsum board? The decaying celluloid of Mulder's dirty movies?), but it would have been nice to see. They could have approached it from a different angle then the Scully and Mulder romance. If Doggett and Reyes knew that their relationship would get them in the same situation as Mulder and Scully, then they could have taken it slow and nuanced.
It has been about six years since The X-Files left the air. This is all water under the bridge, but in light of the movie coming out tomorrow, you cannot help to ask...What if we were still tuning in?
Peace!
Jumping the shark needs to be something truly insane and out of character. Since the X-Files features many shades of mutant and monster, it's jump the shark would need to be big. Really big.
I remember when Amanda and I started dating and she introduced me to Gilmore Girls. A solid show that features a quintessential of "jumping the shark." We never got to see the final season on TV, because we did not have cable that year and Ithaca is infamous for it's lack of over the air broadcasts. I once got a Christian gospel channel and the FOX affiliate out of Syracuse with a massive English Lop style bunny ear antennae.
When we received the final season of DVD, we eagerly awaited for a resolution. Then there was that episode where a pickle train derails outside of Stars Hollow and makes the whole town stink of dill!
Oy! My sides! The hilarity just writes itself with that concept. Stop it Palladinos! You're killing me!
I mean, Stars Hollow, CT could not really exist to begin with, but do trains full of pickles criss cross our nation? Do they say "Pickles" on the side of the box cars? Are the box cars shaped like pickles, like in the Richard Scary books! Wouldn't the state or NTSB be involved in the gerkin disposal. Not the usual army of volunteers from Stars Hollow. The town could raise an army to rival Hannibal's elephants. And the quips they would deliver! OY!
That was crazy and we both just watched the rest to see what happened. Oh, and when did Rory become a stary-eyed hopeless romantic. Wasn't she going to change the world? Thankfully, Lorelai totally ends up with Luke, which is how it should be! WOOOOO!
OK, let's get back to X-Files. That is why I gave you that little picture of John Dogget and Monica Reyes. It is X-Files week. A Gilmore Girls week would probably result in me getting my ass kicked.
Duchovny's departure was a loss. Initially, I was left reeling. Where would X-Files go without Mulder? Isn't he the entire reason that unit got off the ground, albeit still in the basement offices of the FBI. I pretty much freaked out!
I now realize that losing Mulder did some good for the series. In a show where the agents are shot at, attacked by monsters, and killer viruses, it would make sense that a main character either dies or decides to retire. Mulder does neither, but within the show's organic potential, his exit is understandable. It would have been weirder if one of the characters from Friends got their head decapitated by driving a convertible under a truck trailer. The kids from Central Perk do not routinely engage in death defying so such a trick would be a true jump the shark.
In the wake of Duchovny's departure and Anderson's mostly behind the scene roles in the final seasons, we got new X-Files agents. I think that time has justified Agent John Doggett and Agent Monica Reyes. When they first appeared, there was this universal feeling of betrayal that the writers incorporated into the show. Upon first meeting Doggett, Scully is distrustful of the man supposedly sent to find Mulder and throws water in his face. I am not a mean ahead of my time, but I always liked Doggett and Reyes.
First off, Robert Patrick is a woefully undervalued actor. His role as the T-1000 brought him to national attention, but it limits the roles he is assigned. I would not cast Patrick to play the dad on 7th Heaven, but he excels in the Doggett role. He is just a good cop put into an insane unit. And with a mind better suited at finding murderers and kidnappers, he is supposed to track down batmen and guys made out of metal. He showed a sense of wonder when first encountering paranormal phenomenon (Even though he kept it inside) and stood in stark contract to Mulder. I love Mulder, but he always seemed to know what was the monster or anomaly. His sense of amazement came from "I told you so and here is proof." Doggett's comes from "HOLY SHIT. That guy's arm just melted off his body!" We got to spend a few seasons with Doggett and he has a nice enough repertoire to get a handle on his character.
Annabeth Gish, who plays Monica Reyes, had even less time to develop her character. You could feel that in her episodes where she sometimes came off a New Age Flower Girl with a gun and other times felt like something akin to Law and Order: SVU's Detective Olivia Benson. Oh, and she was half-Mexican too. With another season or two the writers could have could have sharpened her character into the "Mulder-lite" she was supposed to represent. She brought this wonderful sincerity and energy to the duo. If Mulder was smug, Scully was stubborn, and Dogget gruff, then Reyes was just wonder. She was everyone's inner fan, that little voice that kept saying, "Isn't this stuff cool!?" One-time X-Files Agent Leyla Harrison is supposed to be our onscreen X-Files fanatic (And she does this wonderfully), but Reyes represents that curiosity the convinced so many people back in 1993 to stay in on a Friday night.
Doggett and Reyes could have carried the show beyond the ninth season. If the FBI really did have a X-Files unit then you would most likely see something like Doggett and Reyes. Again, I want Mulder and Scully to come to my wedding, but the team up is a bit implausible. Scully is the young and bright doctor that gave up medicine to become a talented FBI agent. Oh, and she is hot! Mulder is another young agent who could have caught the Green River Killer if allowed, but gave up that gift to become an encyclopedia of paranormal knowledge. Oh, and he is hot too!
Doggett and Reyes were also supposed to share a muted romance. I admit it would be a bit lazy to have these two agents fall in love as well (Is there something about those basement offices that make people fall in love? The gypsum board? The decaying celluloid of Mulder's dirty movies?), but it would have been nice to see. They could have approached it from a different angle then the Scully and Mulder romance. If Doggett and Reyes knew that their relationship would get them in the same situation as Mulder and Scully, then they could have taken it slow and nuanced.
It has been about six years since The X-Files left the air. This is all water under the bridge, but in light of the movie coming out tomorrow, you cannot help to ask...What if we were still tuning in?
Peace!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Turn of Phrase
Donnie Darko told us there is no word more beautiful in the English language than "cellar door." Apparently, this is attributed to Edgar Allan Poe. Or Mark Twain. Or it was made up by Frank the Rabbit.
While that might be the word, X-Files gives us the loveliest phrase in the English language. Maybe in all of oral communication!
While that might be the word, X-Files gives us the loveliest phrase in the English language. Maybe in all of oral communication!
"Fight The Future"
That is the tagline for the first X-Files movie. It represents the agents' efforts to stop the conspiracy and the 2012 invasion of Earth. Since the conspiracy has been working towards the invasion since 1947, stopping it is a race against the clock. Save the present by fighting our predestined future.
The phrase helps me play some fabolous mental gymnastics. It is a loaded phrase filled with potential, even though it it telling us to stop something. We are supposed to look forward to the future and, sometimes, even fear it. And we can change it or make it brighter, but only the X-Files tells us to fight it. I consider fight the future to be a stronger and thriving version of something like "Take Charge of Your Future" or "The Future is in our Hands." When my nieces and nephews graduate from high school, I am going to hand them a blank card that says "Fight the Future" in it. They will think I am weird, but, unlike Mulder's uncle who used to do magic, I am the strange uncle that gives you cryptic messages alongside gift cards.
You can fight the future everyday! Whenever you do something for your or society's future benefits then you are fighting the future! ALRIGHT!
Remember to go to school and get your degrees so you can fight the future!
Remember to go and vote on November 2nd so you can fight the future!
Eat those five servings of frutis and vegetables a day so you can fight the future!
Exercise tirty minutes a day so you can fight the future!
Tell your mom you love her so you can fight the future!
Take the bus to work today you can fight the future!
Try it! It is really fun and it makes you feel great and dynamic. Fighting the future is my therapy and I like to thing everything I do has a butterfly effect that ripples along my lifetime.
Oh, and remember...go see X-Files: I Want to Believe on July 25, 2008 so you can Fight the Future!
The phrase helps me play some fabolous mental gymnastics. It is a loaded phrase filled with potential, even though it it telling us to stop something. We are supposed to look forward to the future and, sometimes, even fear it. And we can change it or make it brighter, but only the X-Files tells us to fight it. I consider fight the future to be a stronger and thriving version of something like "Take Charge of Your Future" or "The Future is in our Hands." When my nieces and nephews graduate from high school, I am going to hand them a blank card that says "Fight the Future" in it. They will think I am weird, but, unlike Mulder's uncle who used to do magic, I am the strange uncle that gives you cryptic messages alongside gift cards.
You can fight the future everyday! Whenever you do something for your or society's future benefits then you are fighting the future! ALRIGHT!
Remember to go to school and get your degrees so you can fight the future!
Remember to go and vote on November 2nd so you can fight the future!
Eat those five servings of frutis and vegetables a day so you can fight the future!
Exercise tirty minutes a day so you can fight the future!
Tell your mom you love her so you can fight the future!
Take the bus to work today you can fight the future!
Try it! It is really fun and it makes you feel great and dynamic. Fighting the future is my therapy and I like to thing everything I do has a butterfly effect that ripples along my lifetime.
Oh, and remember...go see X-Files: I Want to Believe on July 25, 2008 so you can Fight the Future!
Fighting the Futre since 1993
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Today?
Whenever I watch episodes of The X-Files I tend to muse about the show's age and impact. According to the typewriter reminder text during their first adventure, Mulder and Scully first busted aliens in 1992! The premiere episode aired in 1993 and we are getting a second movie almost 15 years later!
Some of those earlier episodes have a dated quality to them. Season 1's "Ghost in the Machine," which concerns a killer artificial intelligence, does not seem to cut it when the computer uses a DOS interface! And the Samantha abduction scene, where we see her floating mid air in a spread eagle position, falls apart during that hard full frontal shot. I think I can see the gurney she is strapped to!
Then there are those moments that the writers could not have controlled or imagined. I just saw Season 2's "Little Green Men" where Mulder tells Skinner that the FBI had no right to wiretap his phone without a warrant. I laughed during the quip only to realize it is kind of sad I cannot imagine a time before the Patriot Act and FISA.
The X-Files always was and remained an intelligent show. Current debates about the limits of genetic research and loss of nature have some thematic episodes in the X-Files. You also have lovely What If episodes that just fuel those late evening discussions over beer. "Hey, what if I could turn invisible or fly! Like have superpowers! I would totally not stop crime. Forget that!" And there are emotional pieces about what it means to be human in the face of deformities or emotional limits. Like with Mystery Science Theater 3000, that intelligence gives it a timeless quality even when the effects start losing their luster and we forgive the set designer for plastering an angst ridden kid's room with Busta Rhymes posters. Of course, X-Files was a fun show with a good scare potential. The weekly adventures were not academic treatises, but by working with eternal concepts (Even if you do not believe in ghosts or werewolves, they will still populate the imagination long after we are all gone) the show retains this dynamic quality. You can rewatch episodes of the show and take new meanings from everything. When I was a younger fan, I dug the monsters and fangs, but as an older fan, I enjoy a good bit of dialogue or inside joke.
I also wonder if the X-Files could premiere today. What would happen? This is a tough thought experiment because many contemporary shows owe something to the X-Files. The show was originally shot as it were a movie and this help up the integrity and appeal to 1993 audiences. I think that if the X-Files were to premiere today, it would not last as long as it did. It would premiere with some jaw dropping Hollywood opener (Pushing Daisies, much), but then have to cut corners to save money. And while the original X-Files slowly tapped into the then nascent Internet chatroom/fandom support, the new show would be a victim of its own success. It takes time to create a brand phenomenon. There was a certain mystique to X-Files fandom when you talked about it to your friends and co-workers. "Who the hell are these Mulder and Scully people, Garik in legal keeps talking about? I better check them out someday." The weekly broadcasts hooked people and demanded their continued attention if they wanted more.
Look, I LOVE Wikipedia and YouTube and IMDB and all the Internet spolier/discussion sites. I want my shows to give me something beyond the 60 minutes on the TV screen. However, the early X-Files required the sort of discipline that all these things make moot. You can get entire season summaries on Wikipedia. Whatever happened to cruising the reruns on FX for that one season 6 episode you had yet to see? The way we watch television is changing and in a modern day premiere The X-Files would be akin to Lost. Phenomenally good, but already stunted from the start.
We can also speak out about the themes of the show. Would a show about questioning the government be accepted in today's world? What would Jack Bauer have to say about Mulder and Scully? Conversely, considering all the foibles of our government and how we are just getting a handle on Iraq (Shock and awe, much?) would all these decade long conspiracies hold water? As Scully said to Mulder, "They couldn't hide Iran-Contra and they can hide aliens?"
Peace!
Some of those earlier episodes have a dated quality to them. Season 1's "Ghost in the Machine," which concerns a killer artificial intelligence, does not seem to cut it when the computer uses a DOS interface! And the Samantha abduction scene, where we see her floating mid air in a spread eagle position, falls apart during that hard full frontal shot. I think I can see the gurney she is strapped to!
Then there are those moments that the writers could not have controlled or imagined. I just saw Season 2's "Little Green Men" where Mulder tells Skinner that the FBI had no right to wiretap his phone without a warrant. I laughed during the quip only to realize it is kind of sad I cannot imagine a time before the Patriot Act and FISA.
The X-Files always was and remained an intelligent show. Current debates about the limits of genetic research and loss of nature have some thematic episodes in the X-Files. You also have lovely What If episodes that just fuel those late evening discussions over beer. "Hey, what if I could turn invisible or fly! Like have superpowers! I would totally not stop crime. Forget that!" And there are emotional pieces about what it means to be human in the face of deformities or emotional limits. Like with Mystery Science Theater 3000, that intelligence gives it a timeless quality even when the effects start losing their luster and we forgive the set designer for plastering an angst ridden kid's room with Busta Rhymes posters. Of course, X-Files was a fun show with a good scare potential. The weekly adventures were not academic treatises, but by working with eternal concepts (Even if you do not believe in ghosts or werewolves, they will still populate the imagination long after we are all gone) the show retains this dynamic quality. You can rewatch episodes of the show and take new meanings from everything. When I was a younger fan, I dug the monsters and fangs, but as an older fan, I enjoy a good bit of dialogue or inside joke.
I also wonder if the X-Files could premiere today. What would happen? This is a tough thought experiment because many contemporary shows owe something to the X-Files. The show was originally shot as it were a movie and this help up the integrity and appeal to 1993 audiences. I think that if the X-Files were to premiere today, it would not last as long as it did. It would premiere with some jaw dropping Hollywood opener (Pushing Daisies, much), but then have to cut corners to save money. And while the original X-Files slowly tapped into the then nascent Internet chatroom/fandom support, the new show would be a victim of its own success. It takes time to create a brand phenomenon. There was a certain mystique to X-Files fandom when you talked about it to your friends and co-workers. "Who the hell are these Mulder and Scully people, Garik in legal keeps talking about? I better check them out someday." The weekly broadcasts hooked people and demanded their continued attention if they wanted more.
Look, I LOVE Wikipedia and YouTube and IMDB and all the Internet spolier/discussion sites. I want my shows to give me something beyond the 60 minutes on the TV screen. However, the early X-Files required the sort of discipline that all these things make moot. You can get entire season summaries on Wikipedia. Whatever happened to cruising the reruns on FX for that one season 6 episode you had yet to see? The way we watch television is changing and in a modern day premiere The X-Files would be akin to Lost. Phenomenally good, but already stunted from the start.
We can also speak out about the themes of the show. Would a show about questioning the government be accepted in today's world? What would Jack Bauer have to say about Mulder and Scully? Conversely, considering all the foibles of our government and how we are just getting a handle on Iraq (Shock and awe, much?) would all these decade long conspiracies hold water? As Scully said to Mulder, "They couldn't hide Iran-Contra and they can hide aliens?"
Peace!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Monster
X-Files: I Want To Believe explores the second type of X-Files episodes. To the unknowing, if an episode did not involved the agents trying to unravel The Conspiracy (and subsequent Neo Conspiracy), it usually had them waving flashlights at all kids of freaks.
These are the bread and butter of the X-Files. Even to die hard fans like me, the Conspiracy episodes are convoluted and stretched out over several seasons. This often requires a quick refresher in previous seasons and episodes before approaching new episodes. They were also hard for new viewers. If every episode was a conspiracy episode then the X-Files would have never become the phenomenon it is. It would have been more like Twin Peaks. Miss an episode because your kid is sick or the power goes out and you are boned. X-Files came about in the pre-Hulu and You Tube days so you hoped that someone had recorded it on VHS.
The monster episodes were great filler. The word filler might describe their purpose, but it does no justice to the adventures. These were the episodes that hooked your girlfriend or cousin that thought sci-fi was just plain weird or the show too scary. X-Files had so many episodes with so many plot points that you could find an episode to fit any interest. Is your friend William Gibson fan? Well, introduce him to X-Files with the solid Season 7 "First Person Shooter" which was co-written by the science fiction legend. Does he like Lucy Liu? Well show him the famous actress in pre anything days in Season 3's "Hell Money," which also featured Law & Order: SVU's B.D. Wong. If you had even the passing interest in voodoo, robots, environmentalism, time travel, artificial intelligence, cults, and even zoo keeping then there was an episode of the X-Files to meet.
My first ever X-Files episode was the strange Monster/Conspiracy hybrid Red Museum from Season 2. Those are quite rare, but the combination of vegatarian religious fanatics, alien DNA experiments and kidnappings convinced me this was a fun show with potential. It was meant to be!
In celebration of whatever beastie will come out of the sequel, here are my five favorite X-Files Monster of the Week Monsters!
5) The Lizard Man/Herman Stites
From Season's 8 "Alone" is the slithering lizard man. This episode is notable for a bunch of reasons. It is David Duchovny's last Monster episode after leaving the series. He returns at the end, but those are mythology episodes. It has pesky agent Leyla Harrison in it. She represents the fans and bugs the newyl assigned Doggett with fan girls observations. We also get teased with the possibility of finding out how Scully and Mulder escape from Antarctica in the first X-Files movie, but then the credits role.
Stites, a reptile specialist separated from academic (Hey, an actual mad scientists!) can become a lizard creature able to spit venom that blinds people and turns them into husks of easy to digest bodily fluids! He traps victims in an abandoned wine cellar below his mansion and stalks them through the maze. Imagine Alien 3 and you can get a sense of the action. He can do this at will and there is a nice shot of reptile Stites scampering across the lawn and up the ivy of his house into an open window. As he climbs the wall, his body transforms back into a pasty naked man.
4) The Devil Doll
Mulder and Scully decide to take a weekend break from the X-Files. Mulder stays in DC and Scully heads off the Maine where she rents a convertible and wears a white t-shirt with the word "Maine" on the chest. However, just like that episode of Scooby Doo wear they head to Puerto Rico, trouble follows Scully and soon she finds a town where people are clawing their eyes out and cutting themselves with broken vinyl records.
Co-written by Stephen King, Season 5's "Chinga/Bunghoney*" concerns a possessed doll that latches onto an autistic girl.
Dolls, especially porcelain dolls, t-e-r-r-i-f-y me. I still cannot watch any of those cursed "Child's Play" movies and my sister's room at our old house was filled with them. My mom would ask me to go and fetch the blow dryer from in there and I would let the dog scout out the scene first.
The dolls speaks by opening its eyes and screaming out in a voice you usually only find on three pack a day smokers. "Lets have fun!," says the thing before someone gets their head pulled into an ice cream machine! "Let's play with the hammer!," she orders at the climax where she hopes to kill the girl's mother.
The episode has a nice duality with the agents separated and Mulder feeding Scully information from his apartment. His life is kind of sad without monsters to chase and it strengthens their bond. Particularly awesome is how Scully kills the demon doll...SHE FRIES IT IN THE MICROWAVE! SWEET!
3) Virgil Incanto
Fat-sucking vampire. Imagine the symbolism in all that. Vampires are usually portrayed as suave Euro trash that feed off the beautiful. Stoker's Dracula played off Victorian fears of sexuality and passion. However, here we have a vampire that feeds off the fragile emotions of America's overweight. I used to be really fat and it is heart breaking to know that society considers anyone overweight as stupid, lazy or lacking in any control. We call all laugh at the occasional fat joke, but being fat is anathema in many circles.
Virgil Incanto needs to feed because he body cannot make or store fatty acids. His victims feed off of him because they are so used to rejection. Cruising the online dating sites, he tells his women what they want to hear and they give him what they want.
Season 3's "2Shy" gets my pick because his premise is that unique brand of X-Files high concept. Fat sucking vampire! GO! And it is seat in our new home of Cleveland,OH. This is achieved by a lot of waterfront shots representative of Lake Erie and some people wearing Indians shirts. Vancouver is a dynamic place!
2) The Tulpa
From Season 6's "Arcadia" this has to be a great monster from my favorite episode of the show. Mulder and Scully pose as a happily married couple to investigate disappearances in an exclusive San Diego suburb. A mix of Stepford and Amityville, The Falls at Arcadia is just too perfect. The draconian zoning rules would be even funnier if actual cities did not have such regulations. Everything needs to be in by 6pm. You cannot have more than 13 pounds of pet! You can't have a pool in your front yard, but you can have a reflecting pond!
The Tulpa keeps everything in check. It is the neighborhood busybody and Incredible Hulk in one convenient form. And it is made of the garbage from the landfill underneath the development. If you put up a pink Flamingo in the rose bushes (Which Mulder does because he is pimp) then it will come to kill you for your tackiness. Whatever happened to old fashioned ostracizing and denial of coveted cobbler recipes?
1) Flukeman
From Season 2's "The Host" comes Flukeman. Half man. Half fluke worm. Born out of the slime of the Chernobyl meltdown he is an homage to those old 50's B-movie monsters and an X-Files villain we actually get to interact with. Mulder (with some help from the Newark, New Jersey Department of Sanitation) actually catches the damn thing! Scully sees it in plain daylight and we get some real results from the X-Files. He is one of those rare monsters that became seminal to the series and it is too bad he does not get an encore like Victor Tooms or Pusher.
Considering Flukeman swims up through the sewer pipes, he strikes in a room where we are at our most vulnerable and retreats to the sewers and porta-potties that are too gross to explore! he is like the Jaws of brown water. And he is still out there!
There are many other great Monsters. The Peacock family from the notorious Season 4 "Home" are another quintessential X-Files villain. I also like Leonard from Season 2's "Humbug" in all his killer puppet ways.
X-Files sure had a lot of monsters, but I was always disappointed we never got a true Chupacabra episode. 'El Mundo Gira" demonstrated how the show could stretch its creative wings and work with a Spanish soap opera style, but those were not even close to the "real" Chupacabra that orginated PR before stomping off to Mexico and all of Latin America
Peace!
*Speaking of Mexico, if you speak Spanish, particularly Mexican Spanish, you might know that "chinga" is pretty much "fuck." As in, "Chinga tu mama!" Apparently, Stephen King thought it up as a nonsense word and only later learned of its content. The international verions of the episode are titled the truly silly "Bunghoney"
These are the bread and butter of the X-Files. Even to die hard fans like me, the Conspiracy episodes are convoluted and stretched out over several seasons. This often requires a quick refresher in previous seasons and episodes before approaching new episodes. They were also hard for new viewers. If every episode was a conspiracy episode then the X-Files would have never become the phenomenon it is. It would have been more like Twin Peaks. Miss an episode because your kid is sick or the power goes out and you are boned. X-Files came about in the pre-Hulu and You Tube days so you hoped that someone had recorded it on VHS.
The monster episodes were great filler. The word filler might describe their purpose, but it does no justice to the adventures. These were the episodes that hooked your girlfriend or cousin that thought sci-fi was just plain weird or the show too scary. X-Files had so many episodes with so many plot points that you could find an episode to fit any interest. Is your friend William Gibson fan? Well, introduce him to X-Files with the solid Season 7 "First Person Shooter" which was co-written by the science fiction legend. Does he like Lucy Liu? Well show him the famous actress in pre anything days in Season 3's "Hell Money," which also featured Law & Order: SVU's B.D. Wong. If you had even the passing interest in voodoo, robots, environmentalism, time travel, artificial intelligence, cults, and even zoo keeping then there was an episode of the X-Files to meet.
My first ever X-Files episode was the strange Monster/Conspiracy hybrid Red Museum from Season 2. Those are quite rare, but the combination of vegatarian religious fanatics, alien DNA experiments and kidnappings convinced me this was a fun show with potential. It was meant to be!
In celebration of whatever beastie will come out of the sequel, here are my five favorite X-Files Monster of the Week Monsters!
5) The Lizard Man/Herman Stites
From Season's 8 "Alone" is the slithering lizard man. This episode is notable for a bunch of reasons. It is David Duchovny's last Monster episode after leaving the series. He returns at the end, but those are mythology episodes. It has pesky agent Leyla Harrison in it. She represents the fans and bugs the newyl assigned Doggett with fan girls observations. We also get teased with the possibility of finding out how Scully and Mulder escape from Antarctica in the first X-Files movie, but then the credits role.
Stites, a reptile specialist separated from academic (Hey, an actual mad scientists!) can become a lizard creature able to spit venom that blinds people and turns them into husks of easy to digest bodily fluids! He traps victims in an abandoned wine cellar below his mansion and stalks them through the maze. Imagine Alien 3 and you can get a sense of the action. He can do this at will and there is a nice shot of reptile Stites scampering across the lawn and up the ivy of his house into an open window. As he climbs the wall, his body transforms back into a pasty naked man.
4) The Devil Doll
Mulder and Scully decide to take a weekend break from the X-Files. Mulder stays in DC and Scully heads off the Maine where she rents a convertible and wears a white t-shirt with the word "Maine" on the chest. However, just like that episode of Scooby Doo wear they head to Puerto Rico, trouble follows Scully and soon she finds a town where people are clawing their eyes out and cutting themselves with broken vinyl records.Co-written by Stephen King, Season 5's "Chinga/Bunghoney*" concerns a possessed doll that latches onto an autistic girl.
Dolls, especially porcelain dolls, t-e-r-r-i-f-y me. I still cannot watch any of those cursed "Child's Play" movies and my sister's room at our old house was filled with them. My mom would ask me to go and fetch the blow dryer from in there and I would let the dog scout out the scene first.
The dolls speaks by opening its eyes and screaming out in a voice you usually only find on three pack a day smokers. "Lets have fun!," says the thing before someone gets their head pulled into an ice cream machine! "Let's play with the hammer!," she orders at the climax where she hopes to kill the girl's mother.
The episode has a nice duality with the agents separated and Mulder feeding Scully information from his apartment. His life is kind of sad without monsters to chase and it strengthens their bond. Particularly awesome is how Scully kills the demon doll...SHE FRIES IT IN THE MICROWAVE! SWEET!
3) Virgil Incanto
Fat-sucking vampire. Imagine the symbolism in all that. Vampires are usually portrayed as suave Euro trash that feed off the beautiful. Stoker's Dracula played off Victorian fears of sexuality and passion. However, here we have a vampire that feeds off the fragile emotions of America's overweight. I used to be really fat and it is heart breaking to know that society considers anyone overweight as stupid, lazy or lacking in any control. We call all laugh at the occasional fat joke, but being fat is anathema in many circles.
Virgil Incanto needs to feed because he body cannot make or store fatty acids. His victims feed off of him because they are so used to rejection. Cruising the online dating sites, he tells his women what they want to hear and they give him what they want.
Season 3's "2Shy" gets my pick because his premise is that unique brand of X-Files high concept. Fat sucking vampire! GO! And it is seat in our new home of Cleveland,OH. This is achieved by a lot of waterfront shots representative of Lake Erie and some people wearing Indians shirts. Vancouver is a dynamic place!
2) The Tulpa
From Season 6's "Arcadia" this has to be a great monster from my favorite episode of the show. Mulder and Scully pose as a happily married couple to investigate disappearances in an exclusive San Diego suburb. A mix of Stepford and Amityville, The Falls at Arcadia is just too perfect. The draconian zoning rules would be even funnier if actual cities did not have such regulations. Everything needs to be in by 6pm. You cannot have more than 13 pounds of pet! You can't have a pool in your front yard, but you can have a reflecting pond!
The Tulpa keeps everything in check. It is the neighborhood busybody and Incredible Hulk in one convenient form. And it is made of the garbage from the landfill underneath the development. If you put up a pink Flamingo in the rose bushes (Which Mulder does because he is pimp) then it will come to kill you for your tackiness. Whatever happened to old fashioned ostracizing and denial of coveted cobbler recipes?
1) Flukeman
From Season 2's "The Host" comes Flukeman. Half man. Half fluke worm. Born out of the slime of the Chernobyl meltdown he is an homage to those old 50's B-movie monsters and an X-Files villain we actually get to interact with. Mulder (with some help from the Newark, New Jersey Department of Sanitation) actually catches the damn thing! Scully sees it in plain daylight and we get some real results from the X-Files. He is one of those rare monsters that became seminal to the series and it is too bad he does not get an encore like Victor Tooms or Pusher.
Considering Flukeman swims up through the sewer pipes, he strikes in a room where we are at our most vulnerable and retreats to the sewers and porta-potties that are too gross to explore! he is like the Jaws of brown water. And he is still out there!
There are many other great Monsters. The Peacock family from the notorious Season 4 "Home" are another quintessential X-Files villain. I also like Leonard from Season 2's "Humbug" in all his killer puppet ways.X-Files sure had a lot of monsters, but I was always disappointed we never got a true Chupacabra episode. 'El Mundo Gira" demonstrated how the show could stretch its creative wings and work with a Spanish soap opera style, but those were not even close to the "real" Chupacabra that orginated PR before stomping off to Mexico and all of Latin America
Peace!
*Speaking of Mexico, if you speak Spanish, particularly Mexican Spanish, you might know that "chinga" is pretty much "fuck." As in, "Chinga tu mama!" Apparently, Stephen King thought it up as a nonsense word and only later learned of its content. The international verions of the episode are titled the truly silly "Bunghoney"
Sunday, July 20, 2008
It's X-Files Week!
In the spirit of no-longer comic book (However, still wonderful) blogger Dave Campbell, here comes an official theme week on the blog!
Amanda and I saw The Dark Knight this weekend and it certainly deserves all the accolades and excitement. But, I am over the top excited for X-Files: I Want To Believe coming out on July 25th!
In celebration of this splendid end to the 2008 summer movie season, I will post all week about the X-Files. Yes, a post every day! Just like a real blog with real readers! After I have seen the movie, I will conclude this week with my own thoughts about the film.
So expect my favorite monsters, why I actually liked the last few seasons of X-Files, musings on specific episodes and "what if thought" experiments on the show if it were to premiere today.
Here is the legendary theme music to set you up for the week. Peace!
Amanda and I saw The Dark Knight this weekend and it certainly deserves all the accolades and excitement. But, I am over the top excited for X-Files: I Want To Believe coming out on July 25th!
In celebration of this splendid end to the 2008 summer movie season, I will post all week about the X-Files. Yes, a post every day! Just like a real blog with real readers! After I have seen the movie, I will conclude this week with my own thoughts about the film.
So expect my favorite monsters, why I actually liked the last few seasons of X-Files, musings on specific episodes and "what if thought" experiments on the show if it were to premiere today.
Here is the legendary theme music to set you up for the week. Peace!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Eats
No, I am not dead. Still waiting and still anxious, but I have been reading* and if you are interested...
Give Pete Singer and Jim Mason's The Ethics of What We Eat a try.
I have blogged about Singer in an earlier post. He spoke at IC and he even signed my copy of the book after the event. Which also means I have put off reading this until now.
The book is a nice overview of food production as viewed through three American families. There is a "traditional" American diet family who buy all their groceries at Wal-Mart, a sort of Hippie Yuppie couple that frequent Trader Joes and farmer's markets, and a devout vegan couple. If you want a bit more muck racking and shocking imagery then you might want to read some of Singer's older stuff or something like Fast Food Nation or the last chapter in The Botany of Desire.
When I first read that setup, I was a bit nervous. I do not like WalMart as much as the next person (Or maybe not since they are America's largest private employer), but I am tired of the bashing of people that shop there. After reading "What's The Matter With Kansas," I am always leery of when socially progressive people tend to belittle the people they are trying to help. Oh sure, there are Bubbas and Yokels. And WalMart is your place for cheap plastic crap, but it feels like we lose the message.
Singer and Mason allow people to make their own food choices. If there is a theme to the book it is that food and eating have deep impacts on society and the environment. Eating is an ethical decision made by all of us (Hopefully!) several times a day.
Of course, the WalMart couple has the biggest impact since most of their food comes from traditional agribusiness. The vegan couple has the smallest impact. Singer and Mason heap plenty of praise on their diet, but, unlike the preachy veganism of say a small city in Central New York, their conclusions are backed by observation. The chapters are very readable, almost conversational, and you can hear Singer and Mason saying, "Look, pal. If you were to remove all the meat and dairy in your diet, you would lower your impact, just because! Even an organic farmer with 500 head of super happy cows has to find a place for all the manure and keep clearing fields for grazing." Of course, this all sounds better in the book. There was one bit about the vegan family that irked me and that was when the authors mentioned how the couples kids had never broken a bone, taken antibiotics, or developed any allergies. The 43 year old mothr is able to jog three miles without missing a beat! Much can be said about the health benefits of a well thought out vegan diet, but those last observations seem a bit strained. I have never broken a bone and my favorite summertime meal as a child was three hotdogs with plenty of mustard! You can live well on a diet that includes animal products and while the authors probably inserted that for color, it threw up some red flags not used since the move to Lakewood.
The very last bits of the books actually have a header that reads "You don't have to be fanatical about food choices. " Eating is often a communal activity, regardless of the diet and source of the food. The one big thing that vegan couple misses is going out to eat or to a dinner party without the need for elaborate pre-work. The world might be a better place if we all went back to the land and lived like Edward Abbey in some trailer in the Utah desert. It would be a lot less fun and, yes, we can have both! It will take education and work. While the book does not wax about the interconnections and webs of of our food system, it is complex and frustrating. Organic milk can still come from intensive feed lots where cows are stacked on top of each other. It only certifies that the food is free of synthetics, not that the food is treated nicely. Fair trade certification is not a certification of taste or quality, but of production values. A small family farm might give you hamburgers for a steal just to move some of their products. But you just need to be a savvy shopper and it starts to make sense.
Peace!
Give Pete Singer and Jim Mason's The Ethics of What We Eat a try.
I have blogged about Singer in an earlier post. He spoke at IC and he even signed my copy of the book after the event. Which also means I have put off reading this until now.
The book is a nice overview of food production as viewed through three American families. There is a "traditional" American diet family who buy all their groceries at Wal-Mart, a sort of Hippie Yuppie couple that frequent Trader Joes and farmer's markets, and a devout vegan couple. If you want a bit more muck racking and shocking imagery then you might want to read some of Singer's older stuff or something like Fast Food Nation or the last chapter in The Botany of Desire.
When I first read that setup, I was a bit nervous. I do not like WalMart as much as the next person (Or maybe not since they are America's largest private employer), but I am tired of the bashing of people that shop there. After reading "What's The Matter With Kansas," I am always leery of when socially progressive people tend to belittle the people they are trying to help. Oh sure, there are Bubbas and Yokels. And WalMart is your place for cheap plastic crap, but it feels like we lose the message.
Singer and Mason allow people to make their own food choices. If there is a theme to the book it is that food and eating have deep impacts on society and the environment. Eating is an ethical decision made by all of us (Hopefully!) several times a day.
Of course, the WalMart couple has the biggest impact since most of their food comes from traditional agribusiness. The vegan couple has the smallest impact. Singer and Mason heap plenty of praise on their diet, but, unlike the preachy veganism of say a small city in Central New York, their conclusions are backed by observation. The chapters are very readable, almost conversational, and you can hear Singer and Mason saying, "Look, pal. If you were to remove all the meat and dairy in your diet, you would lower your impact, just because! Even an organic farmer with 500 head of super happy cows has to find a place for all the manure and keep clearing fields for grazing." Of course, this all sounds better in the book. There was one bit about the vegan family that irked me and that was when the authors mentioned how the couples kids had never broken a bone, taken antibiotics, or developed any allergies. The 43 year old mothr is able to jog three miles without missing a beat! Much can be said about the health benefits of a well thought out vegan diet, but those last observations seem a bit strained. I have never broken a bone and my favorite summertime meal as a child was three hotdogs with plenty of mustard! You can live well on a diet that includes animal products and while the authors probably inserted that for color, it threw up some red flags not used since the move to Lakewood.
The very last bits of the books actually have a header that reads "You don't have to be fanatical about food choices. " Eating is often a communal activity, regardless of the diet and source of the food. The one big thing that vegan couple misses is going out to eat or to a dinner party without the need for elaborate pre-work. The world might be a better place if we all went back to the land and lived like Edward Abbey in some trailer in the Utah desert. It would be a lot less fun and, yes, we can have both! It will take education and work. While the book does not wax about the interconnections and webs of of our food system, it is complex and frustrating. Organic milk can still come from intensive feed lots where cows are stacked on top of each other. It only certifies that the food is free of synthetics, not that the food is treated nicely. Fair trade certification is not a certification of taste or quality, but of production values. A small family farm might give you hamburgers for a steal just to move some of their products. But you just need to be a savvy shopper and it starts to make sense.
Peace!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Hot, Hot Heat
It is not as hot as when I blogged about the heat, but, the humidity!
TOO MUGGY TO COHERENTLY* BLOG!
Even Dante G. Pig thinks it is too hot and spends his time lounging by our above ground pool. OK, well by the rabbit's water dish. In my head this scene looks much nicer and you can get this Riviera look in between the fan, cans of soup, and flakes of bedding.
The apartment doesn't always look this horrible. I just read a short story by T.C. Boyle (Who I very much enjoy) in The New Yorker about a man with 1300 hundred rats. Two varmints is enough for us!
I also just finished reading a scholarly text on PR called Puerto Rico in the American Century. It stared at me from the "New Arrivals" section of the library and I thought it would be nice to reacquaint myself with the homeland. The last, and only time, I ever took PR history was in senior year of high school and our book was published in 1983! This was 2002, mind you. Those nine missing years became a sort of living history which we discussed through photocopies.
Very nice book, albeit for the academic crowd interested in PR history. It introduced me to a new word that describe that awkward feeling that makes me feel like a crappy Puerto Rican. It is "neonationalism." If you want to sound like you know what you are talking about, just put the prefix "neo" or "post" in front of anything.
Anyway, it is the idea that you strongly identify with the culture (nationalizing the culture) while also taking less of an interest in the actual apparatus of the state (denationalizing the state). While traditional nationalism could be used to strengthen the power of the state (Rally around the flag), neonationalism creates a strong brand image and does not guarantee anything beyond that. Hence, Puerto Ricaness** is defined by going to the beach every weekend, listening to regeaton, partying at San Sebastian, calling all breakfast cereals "Con Flakes," talking really loud, dancing to salsa music, driving really bad, and having Frech fries with your Chinese food. The phenomenon also ties directly into advertisements, with foreign companies sometimes interlacing PR identity with their good/service. When I lived in PR, McDonald's served this breakfast sandwich called "McCriollo." Criollo (a Spanish word akin to Creole) is used in PR to evoke the traditional and old, often exemplified by rural farm workers. The McCriollo was just a Egg McMuffin on bakery rolls, but since the bread had the hard crust atypical of PR bakeries, eating this sandwich was affirming your identity as Puerto Rican.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of your culture and heritage. While the neonationalist asides in the book gave me some touchstones, I am not one of those post modernists that believe in erasing borders and racial/ethnic identities. These are sources of pride and are healthy. But when you sensationalize a culture at the expense of the people who live it, then isn't that a raw deal. Considering PR has field day mentality to its gooferme...err...I mean, government, the un-watching public concerns me.
This talk also ties into the PR identity of all of us that live off the island. Should we extend this PR image to the mainland? Should we incorporate into existing communities? If Puerto Ricaness requires you to wear it on your sleeve and say it loud and proud, what do we become when we do not do so? We were already technically Americans, so where is the category? All minority communities struggle with these questions, but if you are interested in PR, then you might want to give the book a try.
Peace!
*This also accounts for yesterday's piece.
**While what I wrote is silly and fun, exactly what and who Puerto Ricans are has been the defining question of Puerto Rican history. To have found the answer to this 500 year old question in a cooler of Medalla Light beers on the beach in Luquillo feels a bit too convenient.
Even Dante G. Pig thinks it is too hot and spends his time lounging by our above ground pool. OK, well by the rabbit's water dish. In my head this scene looks much nicer and you can get this Riviera look in between the fan, cans of soup, and flakes of bedding.The apartment doesn't always look this horrible. I just read a short story by T.C. Boyle (Who I very much enjoy) in The New Yorker about a man with 1300 hundred rats. Two varmints is enough for us!
I also just finished reading a scholarly text on PR called Puerto Rico in the American Century. It stared at me from the "New Arrivals" section of the library and I thought it would be nice to reacquaint myself with the homeland. The last, and only time, I ever took PR history was in senior year of high school and our book was published in 1983! This was 2002, mind you. Those nine missing years became a sort of living history which we discussed through photocopies.
Very nice book, albeit for the academic crowd interested in PR history. It introduced me to a new word that describe that awkward feeling that makes me feel like a crappy Puerto Rican. It is "neonationalism." If you want to sound like you know what you are talking about, just put the prefix "neo" or "post" in front of anything.
Anyway, it is the idea that you strongly identify with the culture (nationalizing the culture) while also taking less of an interest in the actual apparatus of the state (denationalizing the state). While traditional nationalism could be used to strengthen the power of the state (Rally around the flag), neonationalism creates a strong brand image and does not guarantee anything beyond that. Hence, Puerto Ricaness** is defined by going to the beach every weekend, listening to regeaton, partying at San Sebastian, calling all breakfast cereals "Con Flakes," talking really loud, dancing to salsa music, driving really bad, and having Frech fries with your Chinese food. The phenomenon also ties directly into advertisements, with foreign companies sometimes interlacing PR identity with their good/service. When I lived in PR, McDonald's served this breakfast sandwich called "McCriollo." Criollo (a Spanish word akin to Creole) is used in PR to evoke the traditional and old, often exemplified by rural farm workers. The McCriollo was just a Egg McMuffin on bakery rolls, but since the bread had the hard crust atypical of PR bakeries, eating this sandwich was affirming your identity as Puerto Rican.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of your culture and heritage. While the neonationalist asides in the book gave me some touchstones, I am not one of those post modernists that believe in erasing borders and racial/ethnic identities. These are sources of pride and are healthy. But when you sensationalize a culture at the expense of the people who live it, then isn't that a raw deal. Considering PR has field day mentality to its gooferme...err...I mean, government, the un-watching public concerns me.
This talk also ties into the PR identity of all of us that live off the island. Should we extend this PR image to the mainland? Should we incorporate into existing communities? If Puerto Ricaness requires you to wear it on your sleeve and say it loud and proud, what do we become when we do not do so? We were already technically Americans, so where is the category? All minority communities struggle with these questions, but if you are interested in PR, then you might want to give the book a try.
Peace!
*This also accounts for yesterday's piece.
**While what I wrote is silly and fun, exactly what and who Puerto Ricans are has been the defining question of Puerto Rican history. To have found the answer to this 500 year old question in a cooler of Medalla Light beers on the beach in Luquillo feels a bit too convenient.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Detroit Avenue
Hey, it is a post!
My new apartment overlooks Detroit Avenue, a main drag that runs from Cleveland and into the Western suburbs. I do not see much of the traffic that goes along the road, but instead hear it from the living room recliner. I can not stick my head out the window because the edges are caked with the soot from the tractor trailers forced off the highway, making deliveries to the United Dairy Farmers convenience store and Pet Supplies Plus. The wood frames are bent, maybe from the rumble of the traffic or the lack of building maintenance. Still, I can hear everything and when I must look, I press myself to the dusty screens and leave my imprint on the wire checkerboard.
RTA buses have this low rumble combined with the pop and his of hydraulics. You can hear them from a block away and the noise signals me to pull the bus fare out of my pockets. If the buses have their air conditioners fired up, then I am transported to a small airport, waiting to jump on my puddle jumper across the plains. When I anthropomorphize them, the buses whine out "I'm coming, I'm coming!" as they pull up to the bakery downstairs from the apartment.
Cars all sound the same to my untrained ears. I need a gear head listener, with an ear most often featured on an avid birder. Sometimes the radios share their music and each day will have a surprise soundtrack. In my previous homes, such shared blaring would produce reggeaton or country music. respectively. Here the street is a mix CD. A pavement tuner set to the maximum value and permanently on scan.
"Two minutes to midnight...."
"Sexual eruption..."
"After two days in the desert sun..."
"Reeboks with the straps, with the straps..."
To snap out my noisy reveries, I rely on the slam of the loading dock doors of the pizzeria across the street.
I tried some onomatopoeia.
Peace!
_______________________
Untitled Aside
Untitled Aside
My new apartment overlooks Detroit Avenue, a main drag that runs from Cleveland and into the Western suburbs. I do not see much of the traffic that goes along the road, but instead hear it from the living room recliner. I can not stick my head out the window because the edges are caked with the soot from the tractor trailers forced off the highway, making deliveries to the United Dairy Farmers convenience store and Pet Supplies Plus. The wood frames are bent, maybe from the rumble of the traffic or the lack of building maintenance. Still, I can hear everything and when I must look, I press myself to the dusty screens and leave my imprint on the wire checkerboard.
RTA buses have this low rumble combined with the pop and his of hydraulics. You can hear them from a block away and the noise signals me to pull the bus fare out of my pockets. If the buses have their air conditioners fired up, then I am transported to a small airport, waiting to jump on my puddle jumper across the plains. When I anthropomorphize them, the buses whine out "I'm coming, I'm coming!" as they pull up to the bakery downstairs from the apartment.
Cars all sound the same to my untrained ears. I need a gear head listener, with an ear most often featured on an avid birder. Sometimes the radios share their music and each day will have a surprise soundtrack. In my previous homes, such shared blaring would produce reggeaton or country music. respectively. Here the street is a mix CD. A pavement tuner set to the maximum value and permanently on scan.
"Two minutes to midnight...."
"Sexual eruption..."
"After two days in the desert sun..."
"Reeboks with the straps, with the straps..."
To snap out my noisy reveries, I rely on the slam of the loading dock doors of the pizzeria across the street.
_______________________________________
I tried some onomatopoeia.
Peace!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
With Children?!
Here is that story (Or, better out, creative endeavor) I mentioned at the end of last week.
___________________________________________
Untitled
By Garik Charneco
Untitled
By Garik Charneco
Anne had just learned the best way to settle down baby Estelle. She squawked out "wada-wada-wada," while playing a quick game of peek-a-boo.
"It look like she is your kid," I told her while I cleared space in the broom closet for the diapers we bought. I snuck into the wholesale club with my brother-in-law's card and all the new items overwhelmed our loft.
'Oh, shut the hell up," she responded with a half-smile. She carried the baby off towards the crib in our bedroom. That, also, barely fit. We had to remove the oak headers and caravan it down the steps of my sister's house and up the fire escape to our apartment.
"Did you put Mickey, to bed, already?" Her voice carried from the bedroom. Baby Estelle cooed.
I was still trying with my nephew. "I wanted honesty as a kid. No more bullshit from my parents. Just wanted to be treated like an adult," I told Anne when we drove over to pick the kids up the night after the accident. A neighbor had come in the house and laid them up in their little robes and bulging overnight bags. Mickey ran from the hallway and wrapped him self around my knees. His forehead bumped against my belt buckle, but he made no sign of pain.
"Are mami and papi, OK?" I strapped him into the back of our car and pulled the straps extra tight. The neighbor had brought out a booster seat from my sister's Town and Country mini van, but I stuffed it in the back. Mickey seemed to appreciate this.
"Are they, OK?"
"We will go see you dad tomorrow in the hospital. Your mom...," I struggled for a lie. Almost like a reflex, I wanted to say she is with Grandpa Hector in the sky or in everything so that she would always watch him. "she is gone, Mickey, but she loved you very much and you and Estelle will be OK with me an Aunt Anne."
Mickey stared at the back of my seat. "Will I see hear at a funeral?"
I imagined what funeral he might remember. Maybe it was someone on Mike's, my brother-in-law, side of the family. Or he learned it on TV or in a book.
"Yes," even though we had barely thought of that.
On another separate ride, returning from the hospital, Anne told Mickey that his dad was still asleep, but that the doctors thought he would wake soon. Mickey looked out on the lights of Detroit Avenue and while staring at the low glow of a Convenient Market sign asked, "Why did mami die?"
Baby Estelle began to cry and Anne swung around in her seat to tend to her. I thought about entropy and randomness. "It just happens, Mickey. You can't do anything about it except make sure that you work hard and have fun each and ever day."
He then began to cry. It was the first time we had seen him cry since the accident. I focused on the driving. All four traffic lights in front of me turned green and I shifted into auto pilot. Anne then tended to Mickey.
At home, she ripped into me.
"Who the fuck says that existential junk to a six-year old?!"
"What else do you want me to say? You can expert on children, now!?"
"And then that little "seize the day" stuff at the end. Jesus, you trying to run his life like a finishing school, Antonio?"
"Just trying honesty." I could not imagine myself saying anything about God, angels, or bad men with a straight face.
Baby Estelle began to cry. Anne ran to the bedroom. "These are your niece and nephew, Antonio!" Then the door closed. Not with a slam, but gently, as to not bother the baby any longer.
We had converted the only spare room into a bed room. We had pulled out the particle board desk and shuffled the computer to the living room. Any books on the shelves were covered by Mickey's own books and toys. We had slid our pet rabbit's cage out of the room, even thought Mickey wanted to keep him there. "Can I share him with you as my pet, too," he asked that first morning after everything. We had no idea where he went to school and decided to just keep him at home. "Sure," Anne said, even though the rabbit, Marzipan, struggled with even the thought of children. I barely see her anymore, but am reminded of her presence by the soft thumping noise coming from behind the couch sometimes.
In the room, Mickey lay on the air mattress staring at an infomercial on the 13-inch TV we brought from our bedroom. The living room TV was no bigger, but he adjusted well to that. "Time for bed, Mickey."
He nodded, but kept the TV on.
Not spotting a remote, I clicked it off before I kneeled next to the air mattress. I felt the rubber and it bounced back against my palms. "Are you ready for school tomorrow?" It had been two weeks, but the school contacted us through the hospital.
"I guess so," he said. "Do you think the other kids will make fun of me."
'Because of your parents?" I wondered if children were really that cruel. Whatever happened to the sheer sanctity of bringing your mother into this? "No, of course not. Not unless you go to school with some really sick classmates!"
"Terry Jameson once killed a cat!" Mickey's eyes went wide and he shook away the bits of hair in front of his forehead. "He threw rocks at it down by the creek behind the school and told everyone the next day."
I tucked the comforter under the mattress. I went deep because sheets slid off the mattress and Mickey would wake up with nothing on him but his pajamas.
A lie came out of me. "Hey, all those mean kids. One day they will work for you." The lie felt necessary. Mickey returned it with a smile. "Mami, used to say that."
If enough adults say a lie is true, it seems to stick with kids. The Easter Bunny. Tooth Fairy. The Three Kings. "Did she?"
Mickey nodded.
"Well, it is true. I learned it from your grandmother and look at me!" I turned around the room and showed him everything that two combined department assistants (Me, legal, and Anne, collegiate admissions) could afford. I stomped around and held a plastic sword tucked behind a cedar chest as a scepter. He laughed, loving the lie.
"It look like she is your kid," I told her while I cleared space in the broom closet for the diapers we bought. I snuck into the wholesale club with my brother-in-law's card and all the new items overwhelmed our loft.
'Oh, shut the hell up," she responded with a half-smile. She carried the baby off towards the crib in our bedroom. That, also, barely fit. We had to remove the oak headers and caravan it down the steps of my sister's house and up the fire escape to our apartment.
"Did you put Mickey, to bed, already?" Her voice carried from the bedroom. Baby Estelle cooed.
I was still trying with my nephew. "I wanted honesty as a kid. No more bullshit from my parents. Just wanted to be treated like an adult," I told Anne when we drove over to pick the kids up the night after the accident. A neighbor had come in the house and laid them up in their little robes and bulging overnight bags. Mickey ran from the hallway and wrapped him self around my knees. His forehead bumped against my belt buckle, but he made no sign of pain.
"Are mami and papi, OK?" I strapped him into the back of our car and pulled the straps extra tight. The neighbor had brought out a booster seat from my sister's Town and Country mini van, but I stuffed it in the back. Mickey seemed to appreciate this.
"Are they, OK?"
"We will go see you dad tomorrow in the hospital. Your mom...," I struggled for a lie. Almost like a reflex, I wanted to say she is with Grandpa Hector in the sky or in everything so that she would always watch him. "she is gone, Mickey, but she loved you very much and you and Estelle will be OK with me an Aunt Anne."
Mickey stared at the back of my seat. "Will I see hear at a funeral?"
I imagined what funeral he might remember. Maybe it was someone on Mike's, my brother-in-law, side of the family. Or he learned it on TV or in a book.
"Yes," even though we had barely thought of that.
On another separate ride, returning from the hospital, Anne told Mickey that his dad was still asleep, but that the doctors thought he would wake soon. Mickey looked out on the lights of Detroit Avenue and while staring at the low glow of a Convenient Market sign asked, "Why did mami die?"
Baby Estelle began to cry and Anne swung around in her seat to tend to her. I thought about entropy and randomness. "It just happens, Mickey. You can't do anything about it except make sure that you work hard and have fun each and ever day."
He then began to cry. It was the first time we had seen him cry since the accident. I focused on the driving. All four traffic lights in front of me turned green and I shifted into auto pilot. Anne then tended to Mickey.
At home, she ripped into me.
"Who the fuck says that existential junk to a six-year old?!"
"What else do you want me to say? You can expert on children, now!?"
"And then that little "seize the day" stuff at the end. Jesus, you trying to run his life like a finishing school, Antonio?"
"Just trying honesty." I could not imagine myself saying anything about God, angels, or bad men with a straight face.
Baby Estelle began to cry. Anne ran to the bedroom. "These are your niece and nephew, Antonio!" Then the door closed. Not with a slam, but gently, as to not bother the baby any longer.
We had converted the only spare room into a bed room. We had pulled out the particle board desk and shuffled the computer to the living room. Any books on the shelves were covered by Mickey's own books and toys. We had slid our pet rabbit's cage out of the room, even thought Mickey wanted to keep him there. "Can I share him with you as my pet, too," he asked that first morning after everything. We had no idea where he went to school and decided to just keep him at home. "Sure," Anne said, even though the rabbit, Marzipan, struggled with even the thought of children. I barely see her anymore, but am reminded of her presence by the soft thumping noise coming from behind the couch sometimes.
In the room, Mickey lay on the air mattress staring at an infomercial on the 13-inch TV we brought from our bedroom. The living room TV was no bigger, but he adjusted well to that. "Time for bed, Mickey."
He nodded, but kept the TV on.
Not spotting a remote, I clicked it off before I kneeled next to the air mattress. I felt the rubber and it bounced back against my palms. "Are you ready for school tomorrow?" It had been two weeks, but the school contacted us through the hospital.
"I guess so," he said. "Do you think the other kids will make fun of me."
'Because of your parents?" I wondered if children were really that cruel. Whatever happened to the sheer sanctity of bringing your mother into this? "No, of course not. Not unless you go to school with some really sick classmates!"
"Terry Jameson once killed a cat!" Mickey's eyes went wide and he shook away the bits of hair in front of his forehead. "He threw rocks at it down by the creek behind the school and told everyone the next day."
I tucked the comforter under the mattress. I went deep because sheets slid off the mattress and Mickey would wake up with nothing on him but his pajamas.
A lie came out of me. "Hey, all those mean kids. One day they will work for you." The lie felt necessary. Mickey returned it with a smile. "Mami, used to say that."
If enough adults say a lie is true, it seems to stick with kids. The Easter Bunny. Tooth Fairy. The Three Kings. "Did she?"
Mickey nodded.
"Well, it is true. I learned it from your grandmother and look at me!" I turned around the room and showed him everything that two combined department assistants (Me, legal, and Anne, collegiate admissions) could afford. I stomped around and held a plastic sword tucked behind a cedar chest as a scepter. He laughed, loving the lie.
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So what did you think? It hops around and I decided not to go with my usual "* * *" breaks. Maybe the readers could keep track of it. If you cannot, then it is my shortcoming and we can go to second draft!
Peace!
Peace!
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