All I Want Is Bread

The doctor called and said "You are pre-diabetic"

"That's  not surprising," I said.

"I don't  want you to be diabetic!"

"Neither do I!" Albeit I thought this and did not say it aloud.

What runs in my family, I had dodged. High blood pressure? No, that's fine. High cholesterol. It's ok. The potential  to be diabetic? That I manifested myself defying any notion of genetics. I am the forerunner and my legacy is built on endless gummi bears.

The doctor put me on a low carb, high protein  diet. Cut down on the processed foods and skip the sodas. I never drink much soda but candy is processed and I would clean a stranger's gutters out with my daughter's plastic paw Patrol beach shovel  (It has Zuma on it, appropriately) for some candy. My shame is gone to ground if there is a Milky Way Midnight around.

And all I want is bread. All I want is the "taco de sal" which is a wholly un healthy but so satisfying of a dish. You take a flour tortilla and grill it in a scintillating hot frying pan with butter and salt. Just for a few second while the skin browns and blisters. That with a coffee or sparkling water was my vice. I've never smoked but if if really feels as good as people say then this has to be close because it felt illegal. Also, awful for you.

All I want is tiki drinks swirled up with rum. Rum a liquor literally made from sugar. Tiki drinks based on a trinity of rum, sugar, and lime. Now I can just have the lime. I imagine im a sailor fighting off scurvy. Shuffling dry powder from deck to deck and using the butter juice  to soften the hard tack bread.

The doctor also warned me of side effects of a pill she ordered. "Most patients see a 10 lbs weight loss when on it. Because it often gives diarrhea"

Like constant? Because I wondered that that would likely kill you before the diabetes.

Here he lies. Died in the bathroom trying to beat diabetes. Too bad.

"You actually dont have diabetes. This is just a kind of normal diet people do," my wife says.

But I fear become my father who died at 50 from choices he could have changed. I worry that I won't be there to prepare my kids for all the gives me anxiety in the world. This is how you purify water (because climate change will force more people to the well watered great lakes.) This is how you grow stalks of corn and trellis tomatoes. This how you jam in a drill bit (to board up your windows from super storms or maybe angry fanatics storming the streets) and how to escape a room in a mass shooting.

I worry about the cost if it becomes true diabetes because this is America and because I am selfish.

Because of this...I am not eating bread. Or, better put, eating lots less. So it now feels a luxury akin to how people market steak. Look at the marbling  on that galaxy of seeds and colors on the rye.