Young Ears

One day will assembling Legos with my kids I put four square pieces on central round spoke and made an ersatz satellite. I showed the kids and they said "What about a song about satellites!?" This was in the vein of their favorite song "Raining Tacos"

I knew of one! But where to find it? I just remember it kept saying "satellite" in it and I loved it as a kid in high school. No, its not Satellite by Guster.

Its Satellite by Bosco (How can you forget Bosco!) off the 2001 Tomb Raider soundtrack. If you want to listen then here it is albeit I am surprised I did not die of a aneurysm listening to this jam on repeat as youth.



Ok, a few disclaimers...yes, I did like this soundtrack a bit too much. And, no, I am not some Tomb Raider fanboy. The only game in the series I ever played is the 2013 reboot and this is way after the game (and Lara Croft's) major pop culture influence and the movie (which in writing this blog I realized there is ANOTHER Tomb Raider movie series based on the reboots) which came out in 2001. And, because it has to be said because its part of the "lore" (at least the fandom), no I was not someone attracted to Lara Croft. I mean she is bad ass and that's awesome but when it comes to fictional character crushes I am much more of a Sailor Moon guy. Oh in another bad aughts action movie Jessica Biel was in Blade Trinity and yeah that was an awesome crushable character. At least for me. It's not a good movie but she has a BOW and a HOOD and she kills vampires!

Tomb Raider (2001) is not horrible. Its an early aughts action movie so you get what you paid for but for some reason I loved this soundtrack. I had a burned copy my brother in law gave me (We had to race to the store to get the soundtrack after seeing the movie) that I carried with me all through college. I do miss my little CD binder sometimes albeit it was filled with garbage.

I then listened to the whole album and the fact I somehow don't have my ass kicked every day is a giant surprise.

The premiere track is Elevation by U2. Sorry, hard pass. U2 is like The Beatles to me. I respect what they have done (And as someone who worked in humanitarian aid you are familiar with what Bono has done to fight HIV/AIDS worldwide) but it does not spark any joy.

The best song is Deep by NIN. Which my son loved! He also liked Galaxy Bounce by Chemical Brothers. All "big" bombastic aggressive songs. The soundtrack also has fun little techno-pop ditties. It has Wheres Your Head At by Basement Jaxx and Get Your Freak on by Missy Elliott. That's fun!

Oh, boy but does it have some stinkers including a very meta movie song called Illuminati by FatBoy Slim.

"Illuminati, a secret society that do exist! Iluminati..ti..ti..ti..ti"

YIKES! My son loves  a song from the Lego Ninjago movie where a main part of the chorus is "Hi-Ya!" and a lyric is "I see a shark and its NIN-JA-GO!" and that is less cringe inducing and more sincere than Illuminati



As to the Satellite song, I shouldn't say anything. My normal tone of voice is akin to a baby duckling trying to sound like a parody of Christian Bale's Batman so yeah singing (or any music) is not my thing. But the shrill computery voice mumbling gibberish. The Atari motherboard bleeps and blorps. It feels like a song someone would write as a parody. I am glad I grew to appreciate much better bleeps and blorps otherwise knowing as various movie and video game soundtracks.

Another Play

Too long for Twitter so into the blog

Note these are pseudonyms.

Coworker: Oh, hey. I need a new desk. Do we have like a furniture person?

Me: Yes, I can put you in touch with Salesperson Alex.

Coworker:  Me and the sales person have the same name? That's funny.

Me: Yeah, I call her salesperson Alex because you are fucking awesome Alex! *cymbal shot*

Coworker: 😳 Did you just like hum the cymbal shot noise?

Me: 😬We will get you that desk.

Coworker: Like...you even pantomined a drumming motion with your hands.

Me: Run away!

Sorting Hat and MTG Color Pie

Harry Potter is one of those pop culture phenomenons that I have no exposure to. Ditto Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica.

THis week at work there has been a running gag in the morning all staff message about "HP House Appreciation Day" It was "Hufflepuff Appreciation Day" one day then "Slytherin Appreciation Day" and people rejoiced calling out their houses and sharing coats of arms. I was beyond confused and felt like how most everyone must feel whenever I say something.

I ended up taking a quiz on the official Pottermore website and got sorted into House Gryffndor which I was told a lot of people want to be in because that is where Harry belongs and I was "Neat" albeit I have no clue what this means. Its a "good" house that values chivalry and doing the right thing. THat's cool, especially since that aligns with my MTG Color Alignment! So lets go really super nerdy! Consider this your warning!

Not a fan of linking to wiki pages to explain something (I mean you could do that) but honestly it is the best explanation without needing to know all the game's nuances. And it's 25 years of nuances. So here it is. 

If you have read this blog (or you follow me on Twitter. Take a drink if you do both because you do need it) then I am Bant.

Like the article says "Its Camelot on the savannah" There are knights that ride giant lions, there are castes but you can rise through them by gaining sigils. And sigils are like little Pokemon gym badges. Its order and learning. Rules but still inspired to grow. Its duty and doing the right thing even though it sucks to have to do that sometimes.  I am very much so a core "white" mage in MTG and this is the "white" plane in its story arc.

So, Im Bant because I'm white (I like order and getting things done. I want to protect) and Im a bit blue (I want to learn and improve) and then a bit green (Because I want to protect my community and things exist for a reason and yay nature and going hiking. These are not always so elegant). I'm also Bant because this is a card game and its my blog.

The head designer of MTG will answer color identity questions on Tumblr sometimes albeit it is usually around fictional characters. Short answer for what color you are is...all 5. Because people are complicated. But, that is no fun!

So I took the 25-plus people I work with and assigned them color identities. Now, I am not naming any names because (while no one reads this I am not that dumb) and nothing mean here but its also super weird because...its a trading card game where you put little pieces of cardboard in little plastic sleeves and then say stuff like "At end of your end step" or "Does it resolves" or "Get wrecked!"

Now, working at a school most people are blue-white or Azorius. Oh yeah, all the pairings have neat little names for branding.

And that makes sense because the Azorius are all about rules and order and setting law to improve the world. It can be heavy handed but they create the social contract for all of us to follow. In the game they really ham up the "angry bueracrats" because its a game about conflict but OSHA is Azorius. Public health is Azorius. Law and learning is Azorius. It is my default two color guild (If forced to choose just two colors) because yeah I am bit tightly wound.

So about 12 people are Azorius and like all the teachers I admire how they can teach and create order and learning from the chaos of a room of students. You really should thank a teacher more often.

Then about 4 people are Boros which is White and Red. And red in the game often is pigeon holed as FIRE FIRE FIRE (Remember its a game about conflict) but it is passion, impulse, creativity, love, and art. And Boros gets stereotyped as fight, fight (the logo is a giant fist! C'mon!) but these folks want to teach or effect change but are always sincere. In their likes and fears. In what makes them happy and what makes the nuts. I admire such honesty to themselves.

There is love in here

Then 3 are Izzet which are the "mad scientists" but here are people who are really creative and have big ideas that sometimes do drive me nuts. But those ideas make so many people happy and teaching and sharing them is admirable. Izzet folks also make things usually go Ka-Boom and yeah I can see some of these folks doing that.

Zap zap!

Then there is an oddball Orzhov someone whose ambition to always be right is admirable.

Also, an oddball Simic whose space is teeming with life and the amalgam of many living ideas.

An oddball Temur person (Red, Blue, and Green) who I could see scaling an icy facade or punching a bear.

I love the Temur. When I'm angry I become Temur

4 or 5 Selensya (Green and White) people which is my other other default two color guild. It reminds me of my younger days when I was much more idealistic. Wore a lot more hemp and carried recyclables back home. I love my Selesnya co-workers who bubble always upbeat and their spaces ordered and harmonious. Then one Naya co-worker (White, Green, and Red) who is all that but then always creating.

Selesnya Squad! 💓

Then 2 Esper people which is Blue and White with a bit of Black. Which if you are an old school MTG player black is the "evil" color but they have lately (ie last 10 years) tweaked that to ambition and "ends justifying the means." Which opens up a ton of potential for story and world building. And I admire how these folks want to affect change and maybe don't always stay so humble because yes what they did does deserve note.

Oh, one Abzan person (Green-White-Black) which is someone who would be Selesnya but they never stop and are always first and fast and best. Higher, Further, Faster!

I would follow my Abzan co-worker into the wastes

Then 4 Jeskai folks (Red-White-Blue) and these are awesome people (And I know I have said everyone is awesome) but these folks are awesome. Because they are everything the Azorius folks are but they never stop creating and doing even when it drives them nuts. Or others. I share an office with 2 of them and the red in them drives me up the wall sometimes (Why can't we do this? Oh, I did this already!) but that makes me a better person. And, yes, in game the Jeskai are flying kung-fu ninja monks which helps but everything else is true!

Hi-KEEBA! Also, do you know Narset is canonically on the autism spectrum. Representation matters!

I love the color pie. Its like Myers-Briggs but with MTG!

Tiny Scripts

On my Twitter (@garikapc) I often stage these little dialogues on stuff that happened or internal narratives. These often exceed the 240 character count and usually at that point I am sure no one there would care. Some people do read my Tweets. So I am staggering the longer ones here for your enjoyment, porn bots!

__________________________________________________________________________

Co-Worker: Hey ***Proceeds to being making copies***
Me: Hey
Also, me ***Her dress is nice. You should say her dress is nice***
Also, also me: ***No, that is weird***
AM: ***It is only weird because you are making it. Human beings are nice to each other***
AAM: ***WEIRD!***
AM: ***The only thing weird is your inability to talk to anyone***
AAM: ***How can I escape this situation?***
AM: ***What situation? You haven't said anything?!***
AAM: ***I need to go hide under my desk***
AM: ***NO. That is weird. Say something about the weather or making copies***
AAM: ***No. That is hackneyed***
Co-Worker: Are you, OK You keep staring at the wall?
Me:

Spring Break

Early warning that this post is a bit of wallowing. More so than any blog. But, no on reads this and it felt good to type out.

I cried for the first time this past week. And I mean break down, wtf, overwhelmed crying. The last time I did that it was August of 2018 and the sheer stress of the back to school rush (I work at a school and manage everything not related to curriculum/behavior) PLUS my son starting kindergarten was a knife to the heart.

I mean I teared up in Spiderverse (if you see any earlier blog posts) and sometimes I watch the last 3 minutes of G7 of the 2016 NBA Finals to get a nice heart murmur.

But this was crying.

It's spring break and I had my son all week, save for one day. And I love my son but he has not yet honed the ability to entertain himself, barring YouTube.

And I was sick with a wonky fever-cold that went on 5 days.

Then I can't sleep past 3am. I will wake up at 3am and then lie on the couch beating anxiety with endless scroll. Im up so I should work, knock out some emails. But, I'm exhausted, so let's try to go back to sleep. Oh, but here is a YouTube video I have not seen. I should read and stop wasting time online. I used to read so much. Then at 5am I am spent and dizzy tired/wired and a kid gets up.

The one day I went to the office I bounced around with contractors and paper pushing. Its helpful when no one is in the office but I take no long term satisfaction in what I get done. Its all regrets and I should

I should clean the office fridge.
I should tell the landlord to go fuck themselves.
I should do the math one nore time on those budget projections.
I should clean the milk fridge.
I should scrape and paint this hallway.
I should update the data on our staff compliance tracker.
I should bug infinite vendors.

And this is still doing an hour or two from home every evening

Then my daughter got sick and I had a sick toddler, my son, and me for 2 whole days. Being a daddy hurts my bones. I lose my patience and scream at them. I can't tie my daughter's hair back into even a simple pony tail because fine motor skills always evade me.

Then the New Zealand attacks happened and that is when I just cried. Which made me feel dumb (How is this different from any other tragedy or violence at which you have not bawled) then angry (at myself for the moral relativism, then at the attackers, then at myself again for being powerless to do anything) and then just drained.

I reported people who RT the live stream of the attack. What in the ever loving fuck would you do that? How awful when cruelty is so clever and effective.

Then I wanted to not be idle. I donated money to a Muslim American charity I worked with in another job. I would talk to my kids about what they see on YouTube. Nvm my kids can't really read. I would swipe away all the zany suggestions that can take a sudden turn down the rabbit hole. "Not interested" for days. I would go to the gym and get in shape. Maybe because sometimes the world does feel like is is fraying I will see if I take up a buddy on taking me to the shooting range. I should try it before criticizing, yes?

But then I'm raging again because I will likely stay the same tired fat guy lucky, however self-aware. to be born a male able to code switch into the majority. Then sad and angry I am making this about myself (blogging about it!) instead of those 50 victims. And shouldn't I felt like this for other victims? Yemen war victims. The Pittsburgh victims. Charlottesville.  What is wrong with me?!

So I cried because I felt if anything deserved tears it would be this.

Relax

I am incapable of relaxing.

"You are going to die at 30," my mother would say to me as a teenager. And while I chalk it up to her fatalism I also can't relax and while she was crazy my mom was not dumb.

Others relax by going to the gym. They sip coffee and read a book. They meditate. I take the edge off by making lists and checking them off. My life is post it notes (whether mental or physical or digital) stacked on each other.

And cross the marks off feels great!
30 minutes of firing off work emails or moving numbers around on a spresdsheet. There are days where that feels better than simpler vices like drinking or masturbating. Smoking too. Which I never done but somone once told me "Is the best thing in the world" and I like to think knocking those out feels equally as satisfying.

Extra points for doing this on the go. On my phone or in 10 minute intervals while kids are calm.

Each little bit takes the edge off.

The Club

At work there is someone in our building who put a Club on their car. Every morning they get there and take a few seconds to clamp on this steel shaft to their wheel. I am usually rushing and racing but they get there with enough time to do this ritual.

The Club reminds me of the go-go 90s and gimmicky gadgets that then seemed much more eccentric. Yeah, they were "As seen on TV" but seeing it now makes me think of Skymall Magazine, the ads in the back of old comics, and various catalogs including one a friend of mine got called "Things you never knew existed"

Onw of my aunts has a very good lesbian friend. To the point that my mom swore "Titi Viva es gay" in her older widowed phase of life. But my mom thought I was gay for a while to and that "at night all cats are black" so theres that.

We falled this goof friend of my aunt "Titi Gladys" and Gladys drove the 90s Mobile: LE Maygauez edition.

White Pontiac Lumina
Driver and passenger seats had the beaded wooden seat liners for your back
The "tin foil" folded solar shield WITH the embossed sunglasses design
The Club
The CD player that runs off the tape deck
A plastic supermarket bag tied around the shift handle for trash.

And, as a kid, did I think it was awesome riding in that machine going to the Tastee Freeze or my cousins house!