Something Scary, The Open House

For my birthday I got a copy of Shea Serrano's Movies and Other Things, which was my most anticipated book of 2019 (Well, my only one) and 3rd of his. At work people sometimes say my emails are funny and if they could be put into book form then they would look something like Serrano's essays. Except those are solid. Mine are about loading toner into copiers.

I have been trying to watch "scary" movies each day in October and I want to chronicle this on the blog. So here is one I watched with the wife, The Open House which is available on US Netflix.



 I was big mad after this movie ended. Its dumb, but not in a "Oh, to renew your license we need 3 pieces of proof of residency. Come back tomorrow." dumb. Its a mean dumb. Its the "The janitor didn't reload the toilet paper today because he wanted to take an extra smoke break and I just got diarrhea dumb." There is no innocence to its dumbness. This movie wasted time.

I don't want to spoil anything but I honestly would NOT recommend anyone watch this. Whenever I talk about any piece of media (book, movie, film, game) even if it is very esoteric or bad I really do want to talk about it with people. And find satisfying relationships and high adventures. And people will say "Yo, bro you like Black Mirror too!? We are going to best friends!" Or, "Oh, you like Watership Down?! Whelp, there goes my top"*

That said...this movie at time hints that is a ghost story but also a psychological thriller where we can't trust the protagonist. It is a warning against nosy neighbors and also a "small towns" type thriller. Its a slasher but also a bit of survival horror. It does all these things sloppily with fair people and sets and craft but in being everything it is nothing. It also feels slooooow like the last ten minutes of 8th period before the bell lets you out. Ultimately it is nihilistic. Everything it could have been (and what it was) really meant nothing. And I think the film makers likely felt this very clever (or brutal) but its grating and, going to use I word I don't like to say**....disrespectful to the audience.

One of my favorite series of video games is the Far Cry series. And the latest ones have that modern game syndrome of all feeling kind of samey but damn I can't quit them. And numbers 3 and 5 have these nihilistic endings which make me angry because 1)Again, nothing matters and 2) THINGS NEED TO MATTER BECAUSE THIS IS A GAME AND WE PLAYED IT BECAUSE THE POINT OF THE GAME IS CERTAIN THINGS MATTER!



Which I don't know why I made that aside except to say I loathe the "good" vs "bad" ending option in Far Cry 3. Why you would choose bad, beyond being a sadist***, is counter intuitive. You could have kept your 60 dollars, yo! Far Cry 5 at least forces it on you, which doesn't make it better save its not a test for sociopaths.

Play Far Cry 3 (And pick the good ending) but don't watch The Open House


*If anyone takes their top off because they love Watership Down then they are either very sick or you are El-ahrairah himeself
**Other words I find hard to use (not say per se like how people can't say moist or congeal) are unprofessional and intelligent. Not, I am also a hard believer that you can't describe yourself as funny nor creative. Others need to say that about you. Good looking/hot is OK to self diagnose but the power comes from others saying it.