We will begin with the contestant's name then follow with their claim to fame and end with a brief explanation and sample of what outlandish judge Bruno Tonioli would say.
Gentlemen
Contestant #1
Name: Michael Keaton
Claim to Fame: Fading big star. He was Batman. Was almost Dr. Jack on Lost.
Why?: Wouldn't America love to learn what Keaton has been up to all these years? And love to learn it with a spicy salsa? He could deliver some icy glances, reiterate that, yes, he's Batman, and hope for a Multipilcity affect that gives he six more legs.
Bruno: "Say it Michael....I'm DANCING!"
Contestant #2
Name: Michael Phelps
Claim to Fame: Olympic superstar athlete. Won 16 Olympic medals, second highest in history. And he is still swimming.
Why?: Every season needs an Olympian and one season got Shawn Johnson, so we can handle the high priority guys.
Bruno: "Watch out because Michael P is going to make you all wet!"
Contestant #3
Name: Andy Rooney
Claim to Fame: Cranky guy on 60 Minutes. We should really spend all sixty of them with him. Sorry, Leslie Stahl
Why?: The guy could write a diatribe against breadsticks. Can't wait for him to cut a rug.
Bruno: "Spend a few minutes on the dance floor, Andy!"
Contestant #4
Name: Shaquille O'Neal
Claim to Fame: 15 time NBA All Star and 4 time NBA Champ. HUGE!
Why?: The latest Cleveland Cavalier will become the Big Dance once he hits the floor. Every season needs a major league athlete and I am tired of football players.
Bruno: "So BIG!"
Contestant #5
Name: Levi Johnston
Claim to Fame: Got Sarah Palin's daughter pregnant.
Why?: What a better way to celebrate reality television than having someone who is famous for knowing someone that knows a famous person. God Bless America!
Bruno: "We didn't see any of this in Playgirl!"
Contestant #6
Name: Rod Blagojevich
Claim to Fame: Former Illinois governor. Ousted in controversy surrounding then Senator Obama's empty Senate seat. Still trying to beat the false rap.
Why?: We wouldn't need to ask him. He would show up outside of the studio on the first day of call backs. The U.S Marshalls may have something to say against this though.
Bruno: "Sell every seat in the house with that waltz, Rod!"
Contestant #7
Name: Darius Rucker
Claim to Fame: Former front man of Hootie and the Blowfish. Solo star that now wins Country Music Awards.
Why?: To be honest, I did not know he was still around. Turned himself into a burgeoning solo star. Now he will become a dancing star!
Bruno: "With that samba, Darius, you do not need the blowfish."
Contestant #8
Name: Pauly Shore
Claim to Fame: Fading funny man that gave us such classics as Encino Man and Bio Dome.
Why?: He would do something wacky like try to dance with a live kitchen. People would tun in just to see him get voted off.
Bruno: "Pauly, Pauly, Pauly....um....that's it!"
There you go. Now...DANCE!
Name: Michael Keaton
Claim to Fame: Fading big star. He was Batman. Was almost Dr. Jack on Lost.
Why?: Wouldn't America love to learn what Keaton has been up to all these years? And love to learn it with a spicy salsa? He could deliver some icy glances, reiterate that, yes, he's Batman, and hope for a Multipilcity affect that gives he six more legs.
Bruno: "Say it Michael....I'm DANCING!"
Contestant #2
Name: Michael Phelps
Claim to Fame: Olympic superstar athlete. Won 16 Olympic medals, second highest in history. And he is still swimming.
Why?: Every season needs an Olympian and one season got Shawn Johnson, so we can handle the high priority guys.
Bruno: "Watch out because Michael P is going to make you all wet!"
Contestant #3
Name: Andy Rooney
Claim to Fame: Cranky guy on 60 Minutes. We should really spend all sixty of them with him. Sorry, Leslie Stahl
Why?: The guy could write a diatribe against breadsticks. Can't wait for him to cut a rug.
Bruno: "Spend a few minutes on the dance floor, Andy!"
Contestant #4
Name: Shaquille O'Neal
Claim to Fame: 15 time NBA All Star and 4 time NBA Champ. HUGE!
Why?: The latest Cleveland Cavalier will become the Big Dance once he hits the floor. Every season needs a major league athlete and I am tired of football players.
Bruno: "So BIG!"
Contestant #5
Name: Levi Johnston
Claim to Fame: Got Sarah Palin's daughter pregnant.
Why?: What a better way to celebrate reality television than having someone who is famous for knowing someone that knows a famous person. God Bless America!
Bruno: "We didn't see any of this in Playgirl!"
Contestant #6
Name: Rod Blagojevich
Claim to Fame: Former Illinois governor. Ousted in controversy surrounding then Senator Obama's empty Senate seat. Still trying to beat the false rap.
Why?: We wouldn't need to ask him. He would show up outside of the studio on the first day of call backs. The U.S Marshalls may have something to say against this though.
Bruno: "Sell every seat in the house with that waltz, Rod!"
Contestant #7
Name: Darius Rucker
Claim to Fame: Former front man of Hootie and the Blowfish. Solo star that now wins Country Music Awards.
Why?: To be honest, I did not know he was still around. Turned himself into a burgeoning solo star. Now he will become a dancing star!
Bruno: "With that samba, Darius, you do not need the blowfish."
Contestant #8
Name: Pauly Shore
Claim to Fame: Fading funny man that gave us such classics as Encino Man and Bio Dome.
Why?: He would do something wacky like try to dance with a live kitchen. People would tun in just to see him get voted off.
Bruno: "Pauly, Pauly, Pauly....um....that's it!"
There you go. Now...DANCE!
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