When You Have A Kid...

This will become a new feature on the relaunched blog. During the hiatus I learned what all this labeling business really means and think of how easy it will be for you to find all my insight!

As a quick aside...at my job I am currently covering our social media and I just figured out (Maybe something like two week ago) how to use hashtags. I can only compare my glee to figuring out this Internet trick to finding ways to fit more characters into your AIM profile way back in freshmen year of college.

Getting back to the post, my wife and I had a son in July of 2013. I am sure that if you go through the blog archives you will find some ninny poo post about me not wanting kids. And, indeed at that time, I did not want kids. When we got pregnant, we were OK with being so, but it wasn't the product of months of trying and deliberating. If you want to fight about whether having kids or not having kids is better for you, for society, for whatever then this is not the place. What I can talk about is what I wish I knew before having him. Not just what to buy or not buy (So many outfits that were never used, etc) but how you would feel or think. Especially being the father. It drove me crazy that so much of the "daddy" literature or sections in the pregnancy book seemed aimed at mean from ancient eras. Or truly deprived ones. All the advice either seemed aimed at quaint patriarchs (Why don't you try making yourself a quick sandwich instead of asking her to make dinner) or young gun dipshits. (You may need to play less video games every one in a while). Isn't knowing this prerequisite to getting the girl to actually let you in her presence much less into the bedroom?

So, here goes. I apologize for the sudden turn but when you have a kid you will have many many many dark thoughts. Vicious thoughts. The kind of thoughts where your lungs start to seize from the bottom up until your throat wiggles on baited gasps and screams. Choking. Drowning. Burns. Falls, Drops and Plastic Bags. Why do babies love plastic bags so much?! Is it the sound? The terror they strike in their parents?! WHY!?!?!?!

There are so many ways things can go wrong. So many ways for the baby to just go poof and gone. And it gets worse the older they get which is supposed to be the exact opposite except that instead of worrying about SIDS you are now worried about a car accident or falling down the stairs while holding him. I now walk down the stairs like a stop motion picture because I could trip and then KERSPLAT! Every trip to the living room is like learning to walk again because of these nagging and horrible dark thoughts.

The other day we were bundling him up to go for a brief car rider and he was not cooperating. I told my wife, "Hey, it is like a five minute drive and he will be outside for exactly one minute. Let's just put a blanket over him." Her response was, "Well, what if I am in a car accident and he needs to survive in the cold until help arrives?" Why didn't I think of that?!

An old phrase goes that being a parent means that you never stop worrying about your children. My own mother has pulled it out in chats with me. I am starting to see the logic of that but I hope it becomes much less about sheer terror and perhaps just general anxiety as the future proceeds. I don't have a cure for these feelings. I remind myself that my son is still alive and happy and healthy so I must be doing something right!