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| The Go-Go 90s |
I watched this movie way too much as a kid. It was one of those return to the video store and immediately renew movies to re-watch. The lone copy in Buho Video in Rio Piedras? Oh that was mine effectively.
That all said this movie is awful. Its like Top Gun but with helicopters save there is no awesome soundtrack or memorable one-liners. And if Top Gun did have maybe a tongue in cheek (or purposeful?) gay theme then...oh boy is the movie beyond manly.
"When do they get to the part where the blow up the cartel? That is all we want to see, right? Them kicking ass?" asks my wife about 75 minutes in and I realized I may have been doing a lot of fast forwarding as a kid.
The movie opens with a title screen/opening crawl. Like Top Gun!
Its about the war on drugs and a statement from Pres George HW Bush about the war on drugs. We are going to get you, ya drug dealers.
This is where the movies reaches its first radical 90s moment as it was a simpler time with the War on rugs. The War on Drugs made GI Joe and Cobra team up! Who cocaine must be a hell of a drug to get that to work. And while this was boiled down to simple "Just Say No" back home it has complicated socio-economic impacts domestically and abroad. That is beyond this blog (Because this blog is kind of like the Firebirds of blogs) but you don't send military advisers to a country without some ripples.
And in this case the country is...South America. All of it. The movie never names a specific country save it is set in the Catmarca Desert which per some cursory review is around Argentina. Which is not even close to where I think a hack writer would want to site a drug cartel movie (Really expecting the Columbia with a U to show up on the title screen) but that location looks a lot like the desert they train in over in the US so likely a money saver. The whole thing irks me know as an adult geography nerd as it is some "Africa is a country" tone deafnesses.
We then meet our here, Jake Preston played by Nicolas Cage.
Look...a lot has been said about Nicolas Cage and he has been in a lot of good stuff. He won an Oscar! But he is ALWAYS going hard. Going at 13 out of 10. And in this movie it is not charming or goofy but insufferable. He is chewing the scenery and trying to play a version of Maverick from Top Gun that would never make it past a first draft.
The most emblematic is this scene which is played 100% seriously
Oh this movie is cringe inducing. One particularly awful scene (that I luckily can't find) is one where Nicolas Cage and his love interest (Played by Sean Young who based on research for this article was kind of a minor sex symbol in the 90s. I was way too young which really sums up my explanation for a lot in this movie) have a training flight. And he lays it on thick and awful. He flies behind her helicopter and says "I got a great view of your tail" and then flies over her helicopter in a kind of inverted upside curve (which is cool to see) and then says "As I recall you like me on top." Which she laughs off because it was the go-go 90s and well...I think the Army still has a sexual harassment problem except now there is at least a class people take.
Another cringe-y scene takes place in a laundromat where Nicolas Cage is once again trying to "charm" her bu you know grabbing her and pinning her against the machines but she eludes him all while folding what seems like 30 pairs of lacy delicate pairs of underwear. Its a whole basket full of them. She has no other clothes! This movie took 3 guys to write do you know that?
Tommy Lee Jones is in it and he is always fun albeit it is funny now to see him being chided for being the "Old Man" at 40. That was his shtick even back then. He has got aphorisms for days and channels everything from that search scene in The Fugitive where he lists every house he wants searched. Except that scene was good. My favorite aphorism is "You are going to be busier than three peckered goat."
The hell?!
He also pronounces helicopter as "hee-low-copter" during random times. This would be endearing if consistent (maybe its the old gruff veteran way of saying it) but its not so it is annoying.
Aside from the mean old drug dealers (For real there is a scene that is supposed to create pathos I think where Nic Cage watches a new clip about a major drug bust but that police are helpless to stop the endless tide of drugs. Did Sean Hannity write this?) there is an internal conflict because Nic Cage's character has an eye dominance problem and he can't fly the Apache without fixing it. I never got this much as a kid and still not too much today but it is due to having to use a sort of heads up display in one eye and then use the other eye to watch a screen (or look out the window). But these are two man aircraft so isn't someone supposed to fly and the other shoot? I am sure its a legitimate problem (and I appreciate its not something super hackneyed like the pilot has got the "shakes" after his buddy died) but it feels a bit too specific and underwhelming. This is where they wanted to get the verisimilitude badge?
Don't worry that is also solved by Tommy Lee Jones and some, again, women's underwear. Tommy Lee Jones straps what I assumes is his wife's underwear to Nic Cage's head and ties a sort of periscope to his eye with that and a ton of duct tape. Then they go for a drive in a Humvee around the base with him only using that scope. I guess it forces his weak eye to do all the work? I don't know but Nic's wingman says "I always said you would look good in red panties, Jake"
Really? How did that come up? Of your wingman? Maybe "You always look good in red" but that seems really granular.
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| I am not one to judge but I think one of the writers had a clear thing going on |
Of course I was drawn to the action which TBH there is very little of. The final 15 minutes or so with a lot of setup through convenient exposition. The cartels have hired a super mercenary to protect them. He is unstoppable. Literally entire armies of other sovereign South American countries can't stop this one guy so they need Nic Cage and the Apache helicopter. These helicopter scenes are fun albeit they don't have the deep pit of your stomach feel of good action scenes. I think I just liked helicopters and had not discovered AirWolf just yet.
I am no expert on military tactics or helicopter warfare but watching as an adult I have to think
- Does it make sense to have helicopters dog fight like this? Can we just shoot the mercenary helicopter down with like a jet? Or a missile? This is the only way?
- I know the cartels had a lot of money and ended up effectively running some SA countries but these guys are sophisticated enough that they could buy two freaking fight jets to fly along with super mercenary?!
The movie then ends as you expect. At one point my wife asked me if Sean Young's character dies ("Because this movie fucking hates women!") to which I say not because its pretty much paint by numbers style. This would be a bit charming if maybe the movie were self aware but it plays it dead serious.
I'll leave you with the trailer which comes off a jumbled and wimpy for what is supposed to be a man movie. It doesn't tell you much but gives away everything. Enjoy and remember to keep your nose up.
Trailer for Fire Birds on TrailerAddict.
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