Off My Meds

My whole family got struck with a mighty cold that waylays everyone but me. Until about a week later when the only time I wasn't a dripping, sniffling, shivering mess was in the 4 hour reprieves granted by Advil Cold and Sinus. A true wonder drug that makes Dayquil  feel like the bagged cereal of the OTC cold remedies.

For reasons that have no basis in science I stopped taking my other normal meds during this cold. It just felt odd and dirty. I already take 5 pills just to fucntion and now I needed one just to breathe. Let's give that one all the metabolic space it deserves.

Because of that I was off my antidepressant for 4 days. Its effectiveness is now proved by its absence. The guilt of not always doing something productive didnt become an awkward hollow fuzzy. It gnawed like before and I would want to bounce to blasting work emails and folding laundry and grinding in video games. If these were denied (because, you know, the kids need something. Can you believe it) then anxiety reigned until I wanted to curl into my couch. Luckily I spent a lot of time passed out so that helped.

I did appreciate losing the fuzzy cloud of feeling. The only way I can describe it is maybe having a significant other grab your palm under the table to silently sign, "No, stop." But all the time and in your mind. It's not normal albeit appreciated. 

I was also eating more and flipping out quicker. A co worker snap chatted me with "angry ostrich face" as I told someone how little they knew about things actually got done. "You always are salty just less so sometimes," they said. I also crushed hard to the point where I spent 10 minutes staring at someone's earrings so smitten I was they way they fell on their face.

Once the cold cleared I went back to the routine now more comfortable with that metabolic bandwidth being shared by the ground level rate of medication.