Sometimes restrictions breed creativity. I imagine the little 10 minute segment and scheduled cuts and "just your phone format" could make for some neat ideas. If anyone does that on Quibi I haven't found it yet. Instead these all feel like the kind of shows OTHER shows would make up to parody. Imagine if someone made the movies from the fake trailers in Tropic Thunder but then the chopped up into 10 minute segments you can only see on your phone!
I didn't watch every show on Quibi (I only had 14 days) but here are my hot takes on what I tried
50 States of Fright
This is a big one. 50 stories, one from each state about a chilling terror tale. That has some potential. Mothman for West Virginia! Jersey Devil for NJ. Some cowboy and natives stuff for Texas and Oklahoma. And, first episode of it is directed by Sam Raimi! One thing about Quibi is they GOT some big names.
And, its pretty much just the same sort of stuff you see on dramatic recreations on Unsolved Mysteries. Generic urban ghost story stuff. First one is a Michigan story and nothing of it to me feels representative of Michigan. Hell, It Follows is set in Detroit and that FEELS more Michigan and Great Lakes then this.
Now, this story is broken up into three 10 minute episodes. So The Golden Arm Part 1. Golden Arm Part 2, etc.
WHY CANT THIS JUST BE ONE 30 MINUTE SHOW!? THEY JUST TOOK A MINI MOVIE AND BROKE IT INTO 3 PIECES FOR MAXIMUM QUIBI EFFECT!
That's some BS Quibi. Its like when Panera folds over your piece of turkey over 20 times so it looks like hot damn I am getting this massive club sandwich but no it is just one piece folder over enough times to double as a ladder!
Agua Donkeys
Quibi describes this show as deadpan. Which is code for "not funny." Skip this. The premise is also bonkers as this shitty tiny pool some how merits enough staff for attempts at an Office style shtick.
Vox Answered
Oh, cmon! These are just those short "Now This" videos you see on Facebook or Twitter except there are no words so you can read it while pooping in the stall at work. That way no one knows you are watching videos while pooping on company time. The one I saw was "Why Am I Seeing More Rats?" I feel dumber for watching this.
60 in 6
There was a time when 60 Minutes was must see TV for me. Note that was also a time when all I had a was 13 inch TV and a so basic it should be called primitive cable connection that just got me 12 channel and then History and AE illegally and with wonky Max Headroom distortion. But, I love that intro
I''m Lesley Stahl
I'm Morley Shaffer
I'm Anderson Cooper on Assignment
This and Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes
You would watch it just for Andy and his original master ranter
That is what Quibi needs. Just stream those Andy Rooney bits. I would PAY for that
This show? Its shortened versions of what would make for larger and better true 60 Minutes bits. Fine, but we would benefit from taking MORE time with news
Flipped
This one is OK. Kaitlin Olson and Will Forte are failed narcissists who end up remodeling houses for a drug cartel.It has a Triangle Waist and Shirt Coat Factory fire joke! Children of the fire! Even passable nothing in the Quibi format lends any strengths to this. Make a couple of 30 minute episodes! Then its just an OK show as the least smelly turd on Quibi
Memory Hole
Ok, this one I liked but its checks a lot of boxes for me.
Will Arnett hosts it and I appreciate how he has committed to just channeling Gob Bluth 24/7 now.
Pokes fun at old and obscure pop culture. For someone who has very early Internet memories around SeanBaby, Agony Booth, and Good Bad Flicks this is my comfort food.
Has some funny bits and demands attention like MST3K. The phrases "North Korean Jubilee" and "Robin Thicke as a horny Bettlejuice" have entered the lexicon.
The show is very Canadian. Not in a Kids in the Hall Way or Degrassi way. But in that is directly references it. In the PSA episode Will Arnett mentions "Canada had no big PSAs" and in the workout video episode his brief sketch is a Canadian themed workout video. One episode is all about a Canadian televised stadium show for the debut of SkyDome which WAS insane but that pitch is way to narrow. This wanted to plant its flag up north but alas no. Maybe it was pitched to the CBC and they were "Fuck no. Get out of her and take this shit to Quibi or maybe that guy who makes shadow puppets outside the drugstore."
And the irony on Quibi likely getting a Memory Hole treatment in 30 years. Well that is chef's kiss.
I know the Princess Bride: Home Movie is the big get for Quibi but not going to lie I never got too hyped for that movie. Its good but, well, you read this blog and know what I want to get my nerd jam on. And, that is horrible phrasing. I am sorry.
If you come to this blog for advice then I, again, am sorry but when it comes to Quibi I suggest avoiding. Or get the free trial and jam everything in two days because no joke you can do that.
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