Tuesday, November 12, 2019

The Numbers Don't Lie

This little blog is a pretty sleepy part of the Internet. Which is fine because I don't have anything particularly insightful today. Had I been born 50 years earlier I would have kept a diary. Sometimes I tease my kids when they say they want to be "YouTube producers" when they grow up and then I realize that in the mid aughts being a hot blogger was the thing. We are doomed to become our parents every generation. 

Even though this blog is sleepy I still do poke around on the metrics and I was surprised to see 15 page views come through this specific URL in what appears to be Ukraine and Romania...

www.chaturbate.eu

Which is exactly what you think it is. 

Look, Ukrainian and Romanian readers...I don't know what excites you on this blog but whatever it is I am sure you can find better content elsewhere. I'm flattered but I feel bad. And better content for free! Is Pornhub a thing in Europe? I am sure it is. Is it the blocks of text that go nowhere? Maybe get a book from the library and stare at that. If...chaturbate takes you hear then I suggest you ask them for your money back because they are 1)Not giving me any and 2)Really wasting your time with tales of anxiety and Mami jokes. 

In my heart of hearts I know this is just some random internet traffic (or my blog is hijacked and will help launch a denial of service attack against Russia. In which case, yay! Eat it, Putin!) but I can't help but list what these people love

1) Its the Mami jokes, right? Everyone loves these and I can't blame them. Mami is a specific level of crazy often reserved for days lost at the DMV while trying to understand the tax code.
2) Its the anxiety and nadirs of despair, yes? They make you feel better in a Fight Club kind of way, right? Well my doctor put me back on happy pills so better go to the archives!
3) Its a plot! Ack! Its someone from work trying to run a VPN through Ukraine to find out who the favorite teachers are. To then black mail me to buy them name brand post it notes and pencils! Jokes on them because i think its pretty obvious who they are and I am obligated to use proper public purchasing protocols to secure materials regardless of how cute someone is. You won't win!
4)Its my new cool color scheme right? It looks like a doctor's office from Dimension Bland where someone threw up, right? Ill change it. But then will that stop the traffic?!


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