But these are also experiences. Ever seen a movie or show you wish to never watch again? I have dodged Snoopy Come Home for roughly 27 years after watching it once as a youth. Another film I dodged is Jumanji. Its not a bad film and it includes my only celebrity crush ever, Kirsten Dunst***, but once was enough. Even getting this poster made me suck in my breath, flick some nails, and curl up my toes inside my shoes.
 |
| Fuck |
Ok, a bit of backstory on this.
Why I am talking about this is because I saw the new version with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Jack Black. And its pretty fun for kind of a throw away PG-13 distraction. Worth a watch on a rainy afternoon.
The when is December 1995 going into January 1996. I'm 11.
My dad passed away in 1994 And, I don't recal ever feeling any grief or pain. Not because he was horrible but because I was young and he was either sick or working for most of my childhood. I was inevitable and it happened.
I have a "cousin" (who is actually my second cousin. I think? Read on) named Ana**** who is my age. One month older than me. Her mom is my actual cousin (Martita) but she is much older like 20 something years older. Because of the difference in age between my aunts and Mami and because Mami had me at 35 both Mami and Martita (So my mom and her niece) were pregnant at the same time in 1984 and had us within a month of each other. Not that me an Ana were super close but we grew up as cousins are supposed to whenever we got together.
Anyway in the winter of 1995 Ana's family (Her mom and her dad, Pedro, but everyone called him Peter) decided to spend Xmas in NYC. And they invited me. I would see snow for the first time! And my mom sent me with a wad of 20s and an Orlando Magic winter coat (The only one they had at the Sears in PR but that's OK because in the go-go 90s the Magic were good) on this trip. The only thing I remember her telling me was that these people "owed your father" which I didn't put much weight into at the time but, much later, realized my dad helped pay for a lot of things in the extended family back in the day. At some point in the pass we were the "rich" folk in the family and he was sort of an ersatz godfather. The full details still escape me but things changed as his health declined but those favors were still owed.
And it was an awesome trip. A hotel right in NYC. Walking through Central Park. Times Square. Top of the WTC and Empire State building. Going out to eat every meal We went to FAO Schwartz and then took a train up for one day in Lake Placid where it SNOWED AND SNOWED. Tried eggnog for the first time and even visited a long lost "aunt" who lived in a rent controlled apartment on the Upper East Side.
So, how does this relate to Jumanji.
Ok, so when the New Year rolled around we flew from NYC to Eunice, LA.
And I try to not be too judgmental on this blog because its a lame blog no one reads and I am an overweight guy with too much anxiety but Eunice, LA can go fuck itself. It even has a horrible sounding name. I rather live in Enema, LA.
We went there to visit some long lost sideways relatives. They were Ana's god parents and used to live in PR but left for the dad of the clan (A man named Kermit. Well at least his nickname) to become a pediatrician. "He was a horrible man," Mami later said. "It is why they moved to that awful town so far away."
We stayed for a few days going into New Years Eve and Day. I don't remember anyone's names but the family had 2 young boys and a sister about a year older than me and Ana. And we played a ton of video games and goofed around. Their house was tacky with lots of faux wood and fake plants. Lounge chairs with ruffled skirts and doilies on the couch arms. My parents house was pretty mod***** and I felt as if on a joke movie set. Was Alf going to come out at some point. But the parents were odd and without my own family (ie Mami) to be my advocate I felt like an unwelcome guest. I had to sit at the kids table for dinner which was boggling to me. "What the fuck is a kids table?" I thought. Fireworks are legal in LA and we bought some but kids were not allowed to use them which was beyond lame. Fireworks are NOT legal in PR PR but every NYE we would go to my aunt's house, down the street, and fire off an amount of ordinance suitable to take down the government of say Chad with all sorts of cousin. It is the only constant family gathering memory i have and something, the only thing, I looked forward to with them. Not being able to blow away things on NYE sucked. They prayed before eating which we didn't do and I was chastised for only mouthing the grace******. At some point I could feel my chest tighten with the start of an asthma attack and I got the bottle of liquid albuterol my mom gave me. I asked for a glass of water and the Kermit fellow asked why. When I told him he was shocked "Why would your mother let you carry that and dose yourself!?" Which, now, I realize he had a point but also go fuck yourself because I needed it. I also remember they had just gotten a puppy. A lovely chocolate and white Cocker Spaniel and they asked me to take it out and put on the run. And I carried it out in my arms and as it was yipping and being excitable it fell out of my arms and somersaulted in the air landing on its back. And it didn't move. And I remember the pronounced rush of emotions of "Oh shit " to "Good. Fuck this family" that hit me before it shook itself off and romped around the yard.
This all relates to Jumanji because on evening we went to see it with the family one evening in a literal two screen theater. The older me would think ti quaint and "yeah support a local business" but at the time the young me missed the gigaplexes and it just enshrined how backwards these folks were.
I was glad to leave and I never watched Jumanji again.
So, that's why. Because of that awful experience where I felt alien and judged for decisions made by my family. About a year ago my mother told me she heard "Kermit" had passed away and she and I agreed it was a good thing. Fuck that guy.
*I actually enjoy black licorice something I share with Mami who ONLY likes black jelly beans. "Black like an old telephone. That is what I like," she would say whenever we got some Jelly Bellys.
** Now, Butter Schnapps. Those were good times.
***Swoon
****In a weird tick of language I pronounce her name "Anna" (like in Frozen) because in Spanish you emphasize the last a. This carried over into English so even a random "Ana" becomes "Anna" much to the chagrin of the "Ana" I ran into once I left the island. Thankfully, Frozen came out and now I can use that excuse. "Its just always on! Sorry....Annnnnnaaa!"
*****A bit on my parents house. It was huge but only in its verticality. We had two living rooms that no one used. One was on a lower level and it had pastel couches, two grey love seats, a coffee table with unsecured marble tile tops and a 12 foot ceiling. Then mounted to the side was a sculpture of a faux gold rod bent into a S shape. Then about 20 three foot metal rods hanging down from it. Like an indoor wind chime. Above this was the dining room which had an 8 foot glass table top. Six high back black chairs and a wall made of a solid mirror panels. Next to that was the normal living room with a wooden couch lined with white cushions. If you want a visual guide imagine the house of the yuppies in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. That's our house.
******Something my nuclear family never embraced is religion. I think my parents only indulged it because their parents did and while I was "raised" Catholic it never was a central part of our lives. That said religion to me is in Spanish. I cannot say the Lords Prayer in English. It sounds very alien like the clicking of wild beasts. I've been to masses at weddings and everything feels like a wispy dejavu.
No comments:
Post a Comment