Today, I had about 20 minutes to kill before lunch at work and I decided to access my home email and fiddle around with the settings and clear out some spam. I complain much about my job (Not here! I want to keep it, yo!) but there are fringe benefits and one is a culture that is fine with juggling between your FB page and work email. I can pay bills and work at the same time? Easy come and easy go.
While cleaning out my spam one subject line caught my attention. It read, "Get COCKZILLA now!"
What a word! I did not click the link because it is spam (And I'm at work) but searching online for the word brings up all kinds of porn sites. Apparently it refers to a very large member. Makes sense, but I really expected a vial of pills with a cartoon roster on the front surrounded by swooning hens. And then all the double entendres! I mean...do the pills come in chewable form? Easy to swallow? Juicy centers? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is icky but they write themselves! C'mon evil Russian hackers. You are leaving gold on the floor.
I used to say that I wanted a job posting fake job listings on Craigslist (Seriously, if you are an evil Russian hacker and need some help, please let me know. All that must wear on the fingers) but I could freelance writing jokes for spam messages.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
That time of the year
I did not grow up with snow. However, I went to an international school and experienced enough multicultural zietgiest growing up that the concept of it was not so foreign. People I knew had lived with snow and there were movies and TV that showed both its magic and its mundane. When I first saw snow at 10 and first lived with it at 17, the whimsy felt muted and practical. As a quick aside, I had few touchstones for hail and freaked out when a sudden storm cracked open while I walked to the Ithaca College library to study for spring final freshmen year. Ice balls falling from the sky?! WHAT?!
While not a pro at snow, I am at peace with it. It happens. From about October-ish to April-ish you could get snow here in the Northeast. That all being said, it appears the rest of the world has lot concept of snow and of winter. Maybe it is the same thing that happens with vaccines. The sheer success of our ability to deal with it has made us forget just indeed how horrible the effects of it can be. One of my favorite quotes from Watership Down is "“Many human beings say that they enjoy the winter, but what they really enjoy is feeling proof against it." I enjoy everything that allows we to proof against winter and find the complaining about it being cold feels hollow. Tell me something new.
However, even with all this, I can now say I am over winter. Not because it is cold (See the above) but because of everyone freaking out because of the cold. The news recently were all about polar vortices and people throwing pots of hot water in the air. Yes, it is particularly cold out, but damnit, it's January. Why is this a big deal? Why does this dominate the news? It goes far beyond practical when CNN opens prime time shows with "Gee, it is particularly cold out." If this was happening in say October then I would say it is news, but IT IS JANUARY! Truly obnoxious people will claim that the fact that it is cold in January means climate change is all poppy cock. Indeed, it is like vaccines with the strawman argument that if this is happening/not happening to me then the entire phenomenon must be false. I've actually unlisted people from my Facebook feed over this lunacy, which is something I never thought I would care enough to do, but IT IS JANUARY!
While not a pro at snow, I am at peace with it. It happens. From about October-ish to April-ish you could get snow here in the Northeast. That all being said, it appears the rest of the world has lot concept of snow and of winter. Maybe it is the same thing that happens with vaccines. The sheer success of our ability to deal with it has made us forget just indeed how horrible the effects of it can be. One of my favorite quotes from Watership Down is "“Many human beings say that they enjoy the winter, but what they really enjoy is feeling proof against it." I enjoy everything that allows we to proof against winter and find the complaining about it being cold feels hollow. Tell me something new.
However, even with all this, I can now say I am over winter. Not because it is cold (See the above) but because of everyone freaking out because of the cold. The news recently were all about polar vortices and people throwing pots of hot water in the air. Yes, it is particularly cold out, but damnit, it's January. Why is this a big deal? Why does this dominate the news? It goes far beyond practical when CNN opens prime time shows with "Gee, it is particularly cold out." If this was happening in say October then I would say it is news, but IT IS JANUARY! Truly obnoxious people will claim that the fact that it is cold in January means climate change is all poppy cock. Indeed, it is like vaccines with the strawman argument that if this is happening/not happening to me then the entire phenomenon must be false. I've actually unlisted people from my Facebook feed over this lunacy, which is something I never thought I would care enough to do, but IT IS JANUARY!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
The Ringing
This may not require a stretch of the imagination but I am a millennial. And while I actively resist broad generalizations of my peers and what we have/have not done to America, there is one characteristic that fits me.
I really can't stand to use the phone. This blog may not be the best example, but I do express my self better in writing and appreciate that I have the opportunity to do this so often. I rather email the bank and wait two business days to get a response than fuss with my phone. My wife and I stay in touch throughout the day, but it is exclusive on text and gchat. I still have a few friends that prefer to chat over the phone and that is all well and good, but it is rare and special. That makes it fun!
Because of all this, the sound of my phone ringing now brings up only negative emotions. As a child, if the phone rang, I thought "Oh, the phone. Ok." Now, as a grown up millennial, I hear the phone ringing and I am "FUUUUCCCKKKKK! The phone!" Why? Well, because of text messages and email and social media and instant messaging I know get most of my info via the written word. When the phone rings, it can only be one thing out of a telecommunicative rogue's gallery. So, when my phone rings it is either...
A) My mother (Or someone else from my family, but 99% it's my mother)
Great! Here goes thirty minutes hearing about those that have died, those that are dying, and those surely to die next!
B) ADT
SHIT! Someone is breaking into my house...AGAIN! Or, its the cats. Do I tell them to call the cops or not? I mean it is probably the cats, right?
C) A Telemarketer
No, thank you!
D) Bad News
Your lab results came back in and they are positive! Why haven't you paid us? Did you know that your house is on fire? This person died. Etc, etc.
The worst is getting my wife's name popping up on the caller ID. This immediately makes me pickup and say "WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG!?!?!"
With all this said, I do pickup the phone quickly usually on the first ring. Or try to and end up knocking over half of the furniture in front of me. I mean, it could be a job calling for an interview. We can always dream.
I really can't stand to use the phone. This blog may not be the best example, but I do express my self better in writing and appreciate that I have the opportunity to do this so often. I rather email the bank and wait two business days to get a response than fuss with my phone. My wife and I stay in touch throughout the day, but it is exclusive on text and gchat. I still have a few friends that prefer to chat over the phone and that is all well and good, but it is rare and special. That makes it fun!
Because of all this, the sound of my phone ringing now brings up only negative emotions. As a child, if the phone rang, I thought "Oh, the phone. Ok." Now, as a grown up millennial, I hear the phone ringing and I am "FUUUUCCCKKKKK! The phone!" Why? Well, because of text messages and email and social media and instant messaging I know get most of my info via the written word. When the phone rings, it can only be one thing out of a telecommunicative rogue's gallery. So, when my phone rings it is either...
A) My mother (Or someone else from my family, but 99% it's my mother)
Great! Here goes thirty minutes hearing about those that have died, those that are dying, and those surely to die next!
B) ADT
SHIT! Someone is breaking into my house...AGAIN! Or, its the cats. Do I tell them to call the cops or not? I mean it is probably the cats, right?
C) A Telemarketer
No, thank you!
D) Bad News
Your lab results came back in and they are positive! Why haven't you paid us? Did you know that your house is on fire? This person died. Etc, etc.
The worst is getting my wife's name popping up on the caller ID. This immediately makes me pickup and say "WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG!?!?!"
With all this said, I do pickup the phone quickly usually on the first ring. Or try to and end up knocking over half of the furniture in front of me. I mean, it could be a job calling for an interview. We can always dream.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
WYHAK-Sleep
Our son took to sleep like something out of a text book. One month old and sleeping for four hours at a time in his own bassinet and then crib! This parenting stuff is easy!
Seriously, what is it about all this sleep battling and fussiness? Cry it out versus no tears? Ferber versus Spock? Really? I mean you just put him in it and boom! Sleep time.
At four months, our son became an absolute sleep hating monster. He must have thought the bed was made of knives since ever the act of slowly dipping your hips to put him in the crib sent him into a screaming fit. Four hour stretches of sleep turned into thirty minute sleep sessions with two hours of rocking, singing, shushing, and kissing. The only thing that would console him, that would allow us to sleep would be to allow him to sleep in our bed.
So, when you have a kid, you will want to co-sleep.
Saying this I must caveat that I am 100% against co-sleeping. There. I drew a line in a "mommy wars" debate, but yeah, I don't want the soul shattering trauma of rolling over onto my kid. I still get chills if I think about an injured groundhog I drove by one time while commuting from work in the summer of 2013. Or get them so used to it that by the time they are truly vocal (i.e. also too big to be in your bed) they are screaming something like "Mommy mommy" or "You don't love me" from their crib in the middle of the night
But, it seemed to be the only thing that calmed him down. Once your patience has run dry and rocking softly becomes rocking until you feel you could just scream even louder than him it all makes sense. It's the perfect drug! Sleep! And not some cheating sleep where your wife is up and you are asleep, but actual holistic sleep.
Damnit, I could feel myself turning! It was so easy. "Honey, you sleep this way. And I will sleep on my side and then I put this pillow here and voila! No murder!"
If you do co-sleep normally then good luck and go nuts. You already agreed to my WYHAK statement. If you are like me then you will agree (Oh you will come to flirt with the dark side) since it makes it so much easier!
After a month of this we decided it was too much. We are still battling but it is going better. We realized that A) There is a difference between not liking the crib and not being able to fall asleep on one's own and B) That we needed backup.
I would never dare use my blog to shill thing (Except my scintillating comments!) but we bought him a Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit and it is manna from heaven!
This shit really works. I mean really really really works. Like when man first discovered "really" works. If you have a baby then you need to buy it. BUY IT NOW! Not sure on the voodoo they use to make it work but I hypothesize that the tight bundling (Your kid will look like one of those inflatable sumo wrestler outfits all the rage in the 90s) make the kid feel extra secure. They also can't move their arms much in it so if they move in their sleep they are less likely to have a sudden jolt and startle themselves awake. BUY IT NOW
Seriously, what is it about all this sleep battling and fussiness? Cry it out versus no tears? Ferber versus Spock? Really? I mean you just put him in it and boom! Sleep time.
At four months, our son became an absolute sleep hating monster. He must have thought the bed was made of knives since ever the act of slowly dipping your hips to put him in the crib sent him into a screaming fit. Four hour stretches of sleep turned into thirty minute sleep sessions with two hours of rocking, singing, shushing, and kissing. The only thing that would console him, that would allow us to sleep would be to allow him to sleep in our bed.
So, when you have a kid, you will want to co-sleep.
Saying this I must caveat that I am 100% against co-sleeping. There. I drew a line in a "mommy wars" debate, but yeah, I don't want the soul shattering trauma of rolling over onto my kid. I still get chills if I think about an injured groundhog I drove by one time while commuting from work in the summer of 2013. Or get them so used to it that by the time they are truly vocal (i.e. also too big to be in your bed) they are screaming something like "Mommy mommy" or "You don't love me" from their crib in the middle of the night
But, it seemed to be the only thing that calmed him down. Once your patience has run dry and rocking softly becomes rocking until you feel you could just scream even louder than him it all makes sense. It's the perfect drug! Sleep! And not some cheating sleep where your wife is up and you are asleep, but actual holistic sleep.
Damnit, I could feel myself turning! It was so easy. "Honey, you sleep this way. And I will sleep on my side and then I put this pillow here and voila! No murder!"
If you do co-sleep normally then good luck and go nuts. You already agreed to my WYHAK statement. If you are like me then you will agree (Oh you will come to flirt with the dark side) since it makes it so much easier!
After a month of this we decided it was too much. We are still battling but it is going better. We realized that A) There is a difference between not liking the crib and not being able to fall asleep on one's own and B) That we needed backup.
I would never dare use my blog to shill thing (Except my scintillating comments!) but we bought him a Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit and it is manna from heaven!
 |
| Why can't I give this six stars!? |
Monday, January 20, 2014
Thievery!
I got pinged in the whole Target brouhaha about their data breach. Some brigand used my debit card to "buy" $100 worth of stuff at a gas station in the NYC area. I think it was probably an ATM withdrawal since not sure how you could get $100 exactly of gas. If it was gas then he must have gotten like 10 gallons of if it since NY state gas is taxed all which way to tomorrow.
In the summer of 2013 we were broken into (Another thing that happened during the blog hiatus is that we bought a house!) and it was another case of minor items and major headaches. In both these cases I am amazed at the pettiness of the crimes. The robber in our house break in took my Xbox 360, an eight year old laptop on its last legs, our Wii (leaving behind the controllers and sensor bar. So, he got a paperweight essentially), some Blu Ray movies, and postage stamps. If I had the gall and balls to steal someone's financial info or break into their house then I would need go to all out and take as much as I can. I mean, of course I am going to take this oven mitt that says "Hail to the Chef" on it! I just broke into someone's house so I might as well! The cops came and dusted for prints in this case, but they got very little good ones (I knew TV shows made it seem like evidence gathering is easy, but even I was blown away at how hard it is to get a good fingerprint. Basically, cover your house in wood and dust every day so you can get a decent chance at it) and the thief remains at large. The dark part of me sometimes hopes dead in a ditch, but I remind myself that I was fortunate enough to buy a new XBox and not have to steal someone's.
Both of these cases brought out my bonkers side. As my mother always told me "Defend yourself like a cat on its back" and her ever fatalistic paranoid world view colors mine even though I feel that much more moderate (A WYHAK post will have to be that you are doomed to become your parents) of a person. I come unglued when it comes to debt collectors and money problems. I pay my bills. If, I owe you money then I will do so promptly, but the number of times I've gotten calls from debt collectors because of a clerical error. Oh man..that is like three calls and all three times I went nuts!
In the case of the robbery, I came back to the house and could not find one of our cats. I called out for her and she never came. I assumed that maybe she had lept out the open window to the backyard, but she is skittish of the outdoors and our backyard fence to high for her. I feared the worst, that she brigands had taken her and were slowly torturing her! As minutes turned to hours it got even worst. I knew (Just knew and still feel it to this day) it had to be bastard kids behind us and I stomped up and down the block ready to absolutely murder anything that came in my path. Literally, for I was armed with my flashlight and whatever weapons I could find. I stood out in front of their house with two knives hidden on my person and my collapsible baton ready to go sick house. Thankfully that never happened (and they didn't call the cops) and we found our cat hiding in a crawl space later that evening. I've never felt so mad. Never so blinded. This is what people must mean when they talk about road rage. Getting upset because someone cut you off is not road rage. Slipping off one of your house keys from the ring while it is still in the ignition so you can poke the guy in the eyeball when you surely catch up to him is road rage. Afterwards, with my cat and family in my arms, I felt so dumb for being so mad, but it is a much better me that can resist.
With the swindler I went nuts on the bank guy. While in college I fell for a phishing scam and have since been very nervous whenever someone calls me about a financial matter. It did not help that they guy from Huntington Bank sounded like a robot on Quaalude. He said his name was Tim and all I could think of was "How phonier a name can you get!?" Surely this was the Bulgarian mob trying to take all 800 of my dollars in my bank account. It marked the first time I ever said "Let me talk to your supervisor!" which he said he could not do, but that I could call the bank's customer service line to work it from the other end. Oh yeah, I would buddy. I would.
When I called it turned out to be all so true. It was also embarrassing since to prove that you are indeed who you are my bank asks people to state the amount of their last deposit. I said something horribly crass and elitist (I don't know. I'm professionally poor!) but hell if I knew! And I was mad! Once we finally got on the same page that I was I and the bank was the bank I told the lady "I kind of freaked out at the guy who called me. If you know Tim in Electronic Loss Prevention, please say I am sorry." Her response? "Oh, let me connect you to him."
SHIT!
In the summer of 2013 we were broken into (Another thing that happened during the blog hiatus is that we bought a house!) and it was another case of minor items and major headaches. In both these cases I am amazed at the pettiness of the crimes. The robber in our house break in took my Xbox 360, an eight year old laptop on its last legs, our Wii (leaving behind the controllers and sensor bar. So, he got a paperweight essentially), some Blu Ray movies, and postage stamps. If I had the gall and balls to steal someone's financial info or break into their house then I would need go to all out and take as much as I can. I mean, of course I am going to take this oven mitt that says "Hail to the Chef" on it! I just broke into someone's house so I might as well! The cops came and dusted for prints in this case, but they got very little good ones (I knew TV shows made it seem like evidence gathering is easy, but even I was blown away at how hard it is to get a good fingerprint. Basically, cover your house in wood and dust every day so you can get a decent chance at it) and the thief remains at large. The dark part of me sometimes hopes dead in a ditch, but I remind myself that I was fortunate enough to buy a new XBox and not have to steal someone's.
Both of these cases brought out my bonkers side. As my mother always told me "Defend yourself like a cat on its back" and her ever fatalistic paranoid world view colors mine even though I feel that much more moderate (A WYHAK post will have to be that you are doomed to become your parents) of a person. I come unglued when it comes to debt collectors and money problems. I pay my bills. If, I owe you money then I will do so promptly, but the number of times I've gotten calls from debt collectors because of a clerical error. Oh man..that is like three calls and all three times I went nuts!
In the case of the robbery, I came back to the house and could not find one of our cats. I called out for her and she never came. I assumed that maybe she had lept out the open window to the backyard, but she is skittish of the outdoors and our backyard fence to high for her. I feared the worst, that she brigands had taken her and were slowly torturing her! As minutes turned to hours it got even worst. I knew (Just knew and still feel it to this day) it had to be bastard kids behind us and I stomped up and down the block ready to absolutely murder anything that came in my path. Literally, for I was armed with my flashlight and whatever weapons I could find. I stood out in front of their house with two knives hidden on my person and my collapsible baton ready to go sick house. Thankfully that never happened (and they didn't call the cops) and we found our cat hiding in a crawl space later that evening. I've never felt so mad. Never so blinded. This is what people must mean when they talk about road rage. Getting upset because someone cut you off is not road rage. Slipping off one of your house keys from the ring while it is still in the ignition so you can poke the guy in the eyeball when you surely catch up to him is road rage. Afterwards, with my cat and family in my arms, I felt so dumb for being so mad, but it is a much better me that can resist.
With the swindler I went nuts on the bank guy. While in college I fell for a phishing scam and have since been very nervous whenever someone calls me about a financial matter. It did not help that they guy from Huntington Bank sounded like a robot on Quaalude. He said his name was Tim and all I could think of was "How phonier a name can you get!?" Surely this was the Bulgarian mob trying to take all 800 of my dollars in my bank account. It marked the first time I ever said "Let me talk to your supervisor!" which he said he could not do, but that I could call the bank's customer service line to work it from the other end. Oh yeah, I would buddy. I would.
When I called it turned out to be all so true. It was also embarrassing since to prove that you are indeed who you are my bank asks people to state the amount of their last deposit. I said something horribly crass and elitist (I don't know. I'm professionally poor!) but hell if I knew! And I was mad! Once we finally got on the same page that I was I and the bank was the bank I told the lady "I kind of freaked out at the guy who called me. If you know Tim in Electronic Loss Prevention, please say I am sorry." Her response? "Oh, let me connect you to him."
SHIT!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
It's the Internet so time for CATS
There can be peace in the world because I saw this...
Our two cats (Lila on top and Curie on the bottom) hate each other in that special way cats reserve for each other. It is to toxic that I often refer to Curie as the upstairs cat and Lila as the downstairs cat (Which means two litter boxes and food bowls), but here they are all snuggled up relatively close on the couch.
It is tricky to tell in this photo, but they are not "twins" or otherwise related. They are both gray and white and in eerily similar layouts only compounded by the fact that we got them eerily similar collars.
Enjoy it!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Helix (TV Show)
Something that began my original blogging was my desire to talk about movies, books, and TV. My mistakes with this were assuming people would think my wit was particularly sharp or funny and that somehow folks would neatly stumble upon my wit. There are many people who do this much better than I, but I still enjoy it so the newer blog will hopefully have some more casual conversation.
I don't remember that last time I tuned in to the Sci-Fi (I can't call it Syfy. Or as my wife says it "Cee-Fee.") Channel, but it had to been around 1998 or 1999. Once the final credits rolled on MST3K's series finale well then that was pretty much it. I think I stuck around for FarScape, but not sure if I followed through. The network formed a core of my adolescence particularly on school breaks when I would catch up on syndicated runs of Sightings, The Flash, Twilight Zone, The Friday the 13th series, and the umpteen Stargate series. I knew the network changed (It has wrestling now. One day I will have to put down the sheer lunacy of my pro wrestling phase. All boys must go through a pro wrestling phase. Like chicken pox, you hope it is in your earlier days as, later in life, it is much worse and tends to linger), but if you want a catharsis well you better go find another blogger.
Sci-Fi just premiered a new show called Helix. I caught some of the promos and buzz for this show which is saying a lot since I rarely watch actual TV anymore. Consume media on Netflix and Youtube well yes, but sit down and surf channels? My younger self could not recognize me. This is where Facebook helps since most of my news and even weather updates come from the newsfeed. I remember one college colleague post that she was happy to hear about this show because it was real science fiction coming back to the Sci-Fi Channel after so much had been lost to wrestling and shows about stage makeup.
Science fiction and fantasy are easy to spot, but tricky to nuance down once you start to really label things. Is Ghostsbusters science fiction or a comedy first? Isn't the new movie Her a bit of science fiction? We have such voices on our phones, but one so well evolved is sometime in the future. Doesn't that mean science fiction?
Helix certainly feels like science fiction but only because the stories it follows. The story begins at a remote Arctic (Greenland to be specific) research base where something has gone wrong and a super virus has infected some folks. They call in the Centers for Disease Control and they send in a five man team (Lead Guy, Lead Guy's Ex Wife (Who also slept with his brother who is one of the guys infected in the lab), Cute Young Girl (I have jokingly called this actress Kate Mara's stunt double. They look alike and I am horrible with names. It is amazing I know who Kate Mara is!), Butch Girl, and Army Guy. They then meet their counterparts at the station (Head Research Guy who may or may not be evil and his faithful lieutenant..who kind of looks like Chris Pratt) and, while they don't have mustaches to twirl, are certainly up to no good. Hijinks ensue at the lab where everyone is trapped, who knows who is infected, and secrets abound.
Makes for a nice pitch and neat show, but I only considered it science fiction because A) It is on the Sci-Fi Channel so it needs to have some connection and B) There are many similar stories firmly affirmed in science fiction. Helix feels much like that X File Season 1 episode "Ice" which makes it feel like The Thing which makes it feel like The Thing From Another World. Oh, and there is duct crawling scene that along with the whole "Who has the disease in them" and "You can't leave!" make the whole thing feel like Alien.If not for these I would say the thing feels much more like a medical thriller as if Outbreak stood a bit too long next to the microwave. Because of my job, I cannot resist fussing over silly details. The pilot has a wide shot of the helicopter coming up on the ice base which shines with an albedo to rival the ice cap and is surrounded by green blinking wind turbines. Meant to be impressive and it looks sharp but my first thought is "How are they funded!?" or "How do you support the supply chain for such a place?" We may never know as we many never learn who cleans the toilets in heaven.
While we have seen the premise before it does have that Lost like feeling gnawing feeling of needing to know more! There is a neat scene where one of the characters stumbles upon a cache of hidden bodies that reminded of the polar bear scene in Lost and you can't help but to take the bait. Production values are decent and we have seen this all once before but as long as they are not making it up as they go along (Again, Lost) then it is worth a try. You can watch online and I saw the first two episodes for free using my Xbox Live Gold Microsoft takes your money whatever account. I will be watching every Friday or so!
Seriously, there are enough tropes here to send freshmen writing seminars into a frenzy. A hero with daddy issues, a young heroine not taken seriously because of her age/looks, ball busting lady scientist, and jump scares. A harsher review could say it is a bit flat footed, but there is something about the mystery, the need to know more and more, that makes me end of a much more positive note.
I don't remember that last time I tuned in to the Sci-Fi (I can't call it Syfy. Or as my wife says it "Cee-Fee.") Channel, but it had to been around 1998 or 1999. Once the final credits rolled on MST3K's series finale well then that was pretty much it. I think I stuck around for FarScape, but not sure if I followed through. The network formed a core of my adolescence particularly on school breaks when I would catch up on syndicated runs of Sightings, The Flash, Twilight Zone, The Friday the 13th series, and the umpteen Stargate series. I knew the network changed (It has wrestling now. One day I will have to put down the sheer lunacy of my pro wrestling phase. All boys must go through a pro wrestling phase. Like chicken pox, you hope it is in your earlier days as, later in life, it is much worse and tends to linger), but if you want a catharsis well you better go find another blogger.
Sci-Fi just premiered a new show called Helix. I caught some of the promos and buzz for this show which is saying a lot since I rarely watch actual TV anymore. Consume media on Netflix and Youtube well yes, but sit down and surf channels? My younger self could not recognize me. This is where Facebook helps since most of my news and even weather updates come from the newsfeed. I remember one college colleague post that she was happy to hear about this show because it was real science fiction coming back to the Sci-Fi Channel after so much had been lost to wrestling and shows about stage makeup.
Science fiction and fantasy are easy to spot, but tricky to nuance down once you start to really label things. Is Ghostsbusters science fiction or a comedy first? Isn't the new movie Her a bit of science fiction? We have such voices on our phones, but one so well evolved is sometime in the future. Doesn't that mean science fiction?
Helix certainly feels like science fiction but only because the stories it follows. The story begins at a remote Arctic (Greenland to be specific) research base where something has gone wrong and a super virus has infected some folks. They call in the Centers for Disease Control and they send in a five man team (Lead Guy, Lead Guy's Ex Wife (Who also slept with his brother who is one of the guys infected in the lab), Cute Young Girl (I have jokingly called this actress Kate Mara's stunt double. They look alike and I am horrible with names. It is amazing I know who Kate Mara is!), Butch Girl, and Army Guy. They then meet their counterparts at the station (Head Research Guy who may or may not be evil and his faithful lieutenant..who kind of looks like Chris Pratt) and, while they don't have mustaches to twirl, are certainly up to no good. Hijinks ensue at the lab where everyone is trapped, who knows who is infected, and secrets abound.
Makes for a nice pitch and neat show, but I only considered it science fiction because A) It is on the Sci-Fi Channel so it needs to have some connection and B) There are many similar stories firmly affirmed in science fiction. Helix feels much like that X File Season 1 episode "Ice" which makes it feel like The Thing which makes it feel like The Thing From Another World. Oh, and there is duct crawling scene that along with the whole "Who has the disease in them" and "You can't leave!" make the whole thing feel like Alien.If not for these I would say the thing feels much more like a medical thriller as if Outbreak stood a bit too long next to the microwave. Because of my job, I cannot resist fussing over silly details. The pilot has a wide shot of the helicopter coming up on the ice base which shines with an albedo to rival the ice cap and is surrounded by green blinking wind turbines. Meant to be impressive and it looks sharp but my first thought is "How are they funded!?" or "How do you support the supply chain for such a place?" We may never know as we many never learn who cleans the toilets in heaven.
While we have seen the premise before it does have that Lost like feeling gnawing feeling of needing to know more! There is a neat scene where one of the characters stumbles upon a cache of hidden bodies that reminded of the polar bear scene in Lost and you can't help but to take the bait. Production values are decent and we have seen this all once before but as long as they are not making it up as they go along (Again, Lost) then it is worth a try. You can watch online and I saw the first two episodes for free using my Xbox Live Gold Microsoft takes your money whatever account. I will be watching every Friday or so!
Seriously, there are enough tropes here to send freshmen writing seminars into a frenzy. A hero with daddy issues, a young heroine not taken seriously because of her age/looks, ball busting lady scientist, and jump scares. A harsher review could say it is a bit flat footed, but there is something about the mystery, the need to know more and more, that makes me end of a much more positive note.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
We'll call you
One thing that did not change during the hiatus was my perpetual hunt for a job. I am employed full time, but there is a muscle memory that makes me always check the job boards. Sunday morning means fishing out the wintergreen tinted sheets from the Plain Dealer classified ads to scan for gigs in the back of section after all the medical, manufacturing, and food service listings.
Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side so maybe there is a bit of wishful thinking when I compare my current job to others, but I don't feel normal unless I have a resume at the ready. If I don't have at least one application out (Even ones that fester from behind cold auto reply messages that say "We received your application) at a given time then I'm cagier than usual.
In college, when I began my perpetual job search, I loved writing cover letters. It was an excuse to brag! This was before I began these blogs (Which also seem endless) and when the Facebook wall was something new and weird and rare. I dread cover letters now. My second guessing ensures that I'll read them over and over only to send them along and then, upon a fifth read, find some error or clunky exposition. Here is a recent example...
"My experience is diverse and also includes a diverse population who have mentored and challenged me so I can better serve my employer’s mission."
Geez! Using "diverse" twice and then incorrect subject-verb agreement on this supposed population. Another on bites the dust.
Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side so maybe there is a bit of wishful thinking when I compare my current job to others, but I don't feel normal unless I have a resume at the ready. If I don't have at least one application out (Even ones that fester from behind cold auto reply messages that say "We received your application) at a given time then I'm cagier than usual.
In college, when I began my perpetual job search, I loved writing cover letters. It was an excuse to brag! This was before I began these blogs (Which also seem endless) and when the Facebook wall was something new and weird and rare. I dread cover letters now. My second guessing ensures that I'll read them over and over only to send them along and then, upon a fifth read, find some error or clunky exposition. Here is a recent example...
"My experience is diverse and also includes a diverse population who have mentored and challenged me so I can better serve my employer’s mission."
Geez! Using "diverse" twice and then incorrect subject-verb agreement on this supposed population. Another on bites the dust.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Prince With A Thousand Enemies
If you saw my last post, you know that I am slowly cleaning out some of the older posts so that any inquisitive readers are not set aghast by the bonkers formatting. While doing this I saw this picture of our old rabbit Carson from when I used to live in Trumansburg, NY. This must have been December 2006.
It is a nice picture and the kick off to another sort of feature I will label as "Catching Up." It covers what happened during my four year hiatus.
We had many more adventure with Carson and he ended up living in five different homes and not to mention dozens of bathrooms and side rooms while we bounced around between apartments or on vacations. One of the reasons Amanda and I moved to the east side of Cleveland was because it was closer to a vet who could check out all these varmints. We ended up paying close to $400 to this vet to remove a benign tumor (about the size of a lentil) from Carson's head back in 2009 or so. All for a bunny bought on a whim for $25 (Which I know now, after having Carson for eight years, is awful) at the Pyramid Mall pet store.
Carson (full name Carson James Rabbit) passed away on May 4, 2012. It was the same day that Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys passed away and that the Avengers move (partially filmed in Cleveland) came out in theaters. It was also the day we fired a particularly nasty guy at my work. Someone no one could stand or trust. Hence, it was kind of a big deal day. Rabbits make a kind of death rattle when they sense they are close to the end and I heard this shrill and quick murmur while driving back from the emergency vet on 90 West. If you ever wanted to note the audio equivalent of a paper cut, then that is the rabbit death rattle. I was listening to Beastie Boys (Every radio station played it that day) and I could not believe that he went so fast after supposedly stabilizing at the vet. We never learned what killed him, but he had eight good years and if not for whatever struck him down so quickly maybe another 2 or 3 in him. He was no angel (Owning a rabbit is taking all the worst parts of a dog and worst parts of a cat and putting them in the world cutest packaging) but I love rabbits and he was one of my own. So, there will probably be no more rabbit musings or pictures where I photo shop hats onto him (Or the Guinea Pigs. Dante passed away a year before Carson and another cavie we got during the hiatus, Gus, died in February of 2013) or anything like that. Getting out of the animal business.
I'll end with what I put up on FB when Carson passed. I quoted Watership Down and then noted that "Truly a longer eared bastard will never hop on this Earth again."
It is a nice picture and the kick off to another sort of feature I will label as "Catching Up." It covers what happened during my four year hiatus.
We had many more adventure with Carson and he ended up living in five different homes and not to mention dozens of bathrooms and side rooms while we bounced around between apartments or on vacations. One of the reasons Amanda and I moved to the east side of Cleveland was because it was closer to a vet who could check out all these varmints. We ended up paying close to $400 to this vet to remove a benign tumor (about the size of a lentil) from Carson's head back in 2009 or so. All for a bunny bought on a whim for $25 (Which I know now, after having Carson for eight years, is awful) at the Pyramid Mall pet store.
Carson (full name Carson James Rabbit) passed away on May 4, 2012. It was the same day that Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys passed away and that the Avengers move (partially filmed in Cleveland) came out in theaters. It was also the day we fired a particularly nasty guy at my work. Someone no one could stand or trust. Hence, it was kind of a big deal day. Rabbits make a kind of death rattle when they sense they are close to the end and I heard this shrill and quick murmur while driving back from the emergency vet on 90 West. If you ever wanted to note the audio equivalent of a paper cut, then that is the rabbit death rattle. I was listening to Beastie Boys (Every radio station played it that day) and I could not believe that he went so fast after supposedly stabilizing at the vet. We never learned what killed him, but he had eight good years and if not for whatever struck him down so quickly maybe another 2 or 3 in him. He was no angel (Owning a rabbit is taking all the worst parts of a dog and worst parts of a cat and putting them in the world cutest packaging) but I love rabbits and he was one of my own. So, there will probably be no more rabbit musings or pictures where I photo shop hats onto him (Or the Guinea Pigs. Dante passed away a year before Carson and another cavie we got during the hiatus, Gus, died in February of 2013) or anything like that. Getting out of the animal business.
I'll end with what I put up on FB when Carson passed. I quoted Watership Down and then noted that "Truly a longer eared bastard will never hop on this Earth again."
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Cleaning Up The Past
As part of the relaunch I decided not to edit any of my previous posts. I realize there could be some embarrassing posts from back then. I was a much different person back then. Whenever you hear that your brain automatically leans towards the pejorative. Back then I drank a lot. Back then I had yet to be challenged. I don't have anything so dramatic, but my blog was meandering and masquerading as cohesive. Now it is just 100% stream of consciousness!
Getting back to the original point, I did tweak some of the colors on the template for the relaunch. I am notoriously awful when it comes to matching colors and formatting. You see a lot of teal and orange in movie posters nowadays and I had no idea what that was until I read some review blogs and learned about the color wheel. I mean, there is an actual tool that helps you match up colors!? What voodoo is this!?
When I tweaked the template and looked back through the archives I realized some of the older posts are unreadable because the colors merge or clash. I am slowly fixing them, but just wanted to let you know. I would love a comment or two one day but I don't want them to be "GAH! MY EYES!"
Getting back to the original point, I did tweak some of the colors on the template for the relaunch. I am notoriously awful when it comes to matching colors and formatting. You see a lot of teal and orange in movie posters nowadays and I had no idea what that was until I read some review blogs and learned about the color wheel. I mean, there is an actual tool that helps you match up colors!? What voodoo is this!?
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| Now if only they had something to tell me if this tie goes with this shirt |
Saturday, January 11, 2014
When You Have A Kid...
This will become a new feature on the relaunched blog. During the hiatus I learned what all this labeling business really means and think of how easy it will be for you to find all my insight!
As a quick aside...at my job I am currently covering our social media and I just figured out (Maybe something like two week ago) how to use hashtags. I can only compare my glee to figuring out this Internet trick to finding ways to fit more characters into your AIM profile way back in freshmen year of college.
Getting back to the post, my wife and I had a son in July of 2013. I am sure that if you go through the blog archives you will find some ninny poo post about me not wanting kids. And, indeed at that time, I did not want kids. When we got pregnant, we were OK with being so, but it wasn't the product of months of trying and deliberating. If you want to fight about whether having kids or not having kids is better for you, for society, for whatever then this is not the place. What I can talk about is what I wish I knew before having him. Not just what to buy or not buy (So many outfits that were never used, etc) but how you would feel or think. Especially being the father. It drove me crazy that so much of the "daddy" literature or sections in the pregnancy book seemed aimed at mean from ancient eras. Or truly deprived ones. All the advice either seemed aimed at quaint patriarchs (Why don't you try making yourself a quick sandwich instead of asking her to make dinner) or young gun dipshits. (You may need to play less video games every one in a while). Isn't knowing this prerequisite to getting the girl to actually let you in her presence much less into the bedroom?
So, here goes. I apologize for the sudden turn but when you have a kid you will have many many many dark thoughts. Vicious thoughts. The kind of thoughts where your lungs start to seize from the bottom up until your throat wiggles on baited gasps and screams. Choking. Drowning. Burns. Falls, Drops and Plastic Bags. Why do babies love plastic bags so much?! Is it the sound? The terror they strike in their parents?! WHY!?!?!?!
There are so many ways things can go wrong. So many ways for the baby to just go poof and gone. And it gets worse the older they get which is supposed to be the exact opposite except that instead of worrying about SIDS you are now worried about a car accident or falling down the stairs while holding him. I now walk down the stairs like a stop motion picture because I could trip and then KERSPLAT! Every trip to the living room is like learning to walk again because of these nagging and horrible dark thoughts.
The other day we were bundling him up to go for a brief car rider and he was not cooperating. I told my wife, "Hey, it is like a five minute drive and he will be outside for exactly one minute. Let's just put a blanket over him." Her response was, "Well, what if I am in a car accident and he needs to survive in the cold until help arrives?" Why didn't I think of that?!
An old phrase goes that being a parent means that you never stop worrying about your children. My own mother has pulled it out in chats with me. I am starting to see the logic of that but I hope it becomes much less about sheer terror and perhaps just general anxiety as the future proceeds. I don't have a cure for these feelings. I remind myself that my son is still alive and happy and healthy so I must be doing something right!
As a quick aside...at my job I am currently covering our social media and I just figured out (Maybe something like two week ago) how to use hashtags. I can only compare my glee to figuring out this Internet trick to finding ways to fit more characters into your AIM profile way back in freshmen year of college.
Getting back to the post, my wife and I had a son in July of 2013. I am sure that if you go through the blog archives you will find some ninny poo post about me not wanting kids. And, indeed at that time, I did not want kids. When we got pregnant, we were OK with being so, but it wasn't the product of months of trying and deliberating. If you want to fight about whether having kids or not having kids is better for you, for society, for whatever then this is not the place. What I can talk about is what I wish I knew before having him. Not just what to buy or not buy (So many outfits that were never used, etc) but how you would feel or think. Especially being the father. It drove me crazy that so much of the "daddy" literature or sections in the pregnancy book seemed aimed at mean from ancient eras. Or truly deprived ones. All the advice either seemed aimed at quaint patriarchs (Why don't you try making yourself a quick sandwich instead of asking her to make dinner) or young gun dipshits. (You may need to play less video games every one in a while). Isn't knowing this prerequisite to getting the girl to actually let you in her presence much less into the bedroom?
So, here goes. I apologize for the sudden turn but when you have a kid you will have many many many dark thoughts. Vicious thoughts. The kind of thoughts where your lungs start to seize from the bottom up until your throat wiggles on baited gasps and screams. Choking. Drowning. Burns. Falls, Drops and Plastic Bags. Why do babies love plastic bags so much?! Is it the sound? The terror they strike in their parents?! WHY!?!?!?!
There are so many ways things can go wrong. So many ways for the baby to just go poof and gone. And it gets worse the older they get which is supposed to be the exact opposite except that instead of worrying about SIDS you are now worried about a car accident or falling down the stairs while holding him. I now walk down the stairs like a stop motion picture because I could trip and then KERSPLAT! Every trip to the living room is like learning to walk again because of these nagging and horrible dark thoughts.
The other day we were bundling him up to go for a brief car rider and he was not cooperating. I told my wife, "Hey, it is like a five minute drive and he will be outside for exactly one minute. Let's just put a blanket over him." Her response was, "Well, what if I am in a car accident and he needs to survive in the cold until help arrives?" Why didn't I think of that?!
An old phrase goes that being a parent means that you never stop worrying about your children. My own mother has pulled it out in chats with me. I am starting to see the logic of that but I hope it becomes much less about sheer terror and perhaps just general anxiety as the future proceeds. I don't have a cure for these feelings. I remind myself that my son is still alive and happy and healthy so I must be doing something right!
Friday, January 10, 2014
Relive your blog...again
Three years ago, I signed off on blogging. It must have been the second or third time I killed one of my blogs. I always thought of myself as humble, but I was surprised that people did not come in droves to read my first drafts of short stories or observations on how fire stations and air conditioners are indeed quite very loud.
Much has changed in those three years. I found stability in a job I have no had for four years. My wife and I bought a house. I got a car. I went on my first ever international trip (I did not get cool wings from the pilot, this being a post 9/11 world) We had a kid! A beautiful son who will have a divot in the center of his forehead by age 2 from how much I kiss him.
I had a writing teacher in college, whom I very much respected (Jason Ockert..give his books a buy) who told us at the end of the year that, "If you find yourself not writing on your own after college, then don't get an MFA. Give something else a shot." Of course, at the time in the year of 2006, this would not apply to me, but it sure became that way as I bounced from job to job and then moved to Ohio and got a career. Oh, I always scribbled and I have left all my archives up for you to see, but dreams of books are better left to those much more skilled.
All that said, I recently found myself struggling to sleep not because my son would refuse to sleep in his crib, but because I wanted to get something down. To pound out thoughts that creep in during the drowsy topsy turvy of going to bed. Of something I daydream about in a work meeting. When I stare into my son's eyes and I am paralyzed because I am going to become my own father and that means dying when my kid is eight I want to talk to someone. I strain my wife's patience too much already during the day so I return to the Internet!
That's right! We are back and posting, hopefully, much more often because I now hopefully have something else to talk about besides Chia plants and comic books.
Much has changed in those three years. I found stability in a job I have no had for four years. My wife and I bought a house. I got a car. I went on my first ever international trip (I did not get cool wings from the pilot, this being a post 9/11 world) We had a kid! A beautiful son who will have a divot in the center of his forehead by age 2 from how much I kiss him.
I had a writing teacher in college, whom I very much respected (Jason Ockert..give his books a buy) who told us at the end of the year that, "If you find yourself not writing on your own after college, then don't get an MFA. Give something else a shot." Of course, at the time in the year of 2006, this would not apply to me, but it sure became that way as I bounced from job to job and then moved to Ohio and got a career. Oh, I always scribbled and I have left all my archives up for you to see, but dreams of books are better left to those much more skilled.
All that said, I recently found myself struggling to sleep not because my son would refuse to sleep in his crib, but because I wanted to get something down. To pound out thoughts that creep in during the drowsy topsy turvy of going to bed. Of something I daydream about in a work meeting. When I stare into my son's eyes and I am paralyzed because I am going to become my own father and that means dying when my kid is eight I want to talk to someone. I strain my wife's patience too much already during the day so I return to the Internet!
That's right! We are back and posting, hopefully, much more often because I now hopefully have something else to talk about besides Chia plants and comic books.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Another goodbye
I have tried my hand at blogging on and off for four years. Whether it was the original Blog of Plenty, the second Blog of Plenty, or Fear of the Blank Page, I always wanted to find a unique voice that would bring some readers. While I don't think myself as particularly vain, blogging is an inherently self-satisfying exercise and for those four years, I have been pretty much satisfying only myself.
Yes, I am officially closing Fear of the Blank Page.
I realize this is sudden and that I should have closed out on something better than the latest Sherlock Holmes movie, but I can realize that I don't have the blogging power. While the record may stand against it, I am not the person that likes to quit, but I can realize that my talents may not rest in snarky blogging. That includes both the craft and the patience to blog continuously. If you have a blog you follow routinely, then make sure to thank the blogger because it is tough to come up with thrice a week posts. Much less daily.
There are plenty of other places online where you can read funny movie reviews. Dave Campbell may be gone, but you can still find lots of great comics blogs, which also feature witty movie, book, and TV commentaries. If you want a good story, then check out your local library.
For anyone that read any of the blogs and their posts, thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and interest. I hope that maybe one of these blogs struck you in the same way as the websites that convinced me to put thought to HTML. Actually, that may be too much to ask, but I do hope you had some fun. I certainly did, but now is the time to put it to rest.
Peace!
Yes, I am officially closing Fear of the Blank Page.
I realize this is sudden and that I should have closed out on something better than the latest Sherlock Holmes movie, but I can realize that I don't have the blogging power. While the record may stand against it, I am not the person that likes to quit, but I can realize that my talents may not rest in snarky blogging. That includes both the craft and the patience to blog continuously. If you have a blog you follow routinely, then make sure to thank the blogger because it is tough to come up with thrice a week posts. Much less daily.
There are plenty of other places online where you can read funny movie reviews. Dave Campbell may be gone, but you can still find lots of great comics blogs, which also feature witty movie, book, and TV commentaries. If you want a good story, then check out your local library.
For anyone that read any of the blogs and their posts, thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and interest. I hope that maybe one of these blogs struck you in the same way as the websites that convinced me to put thought to HTML. Actually, that may be too much to ask, but I do hope you had some fun. I certainly did, but now is the time to put it to rest.
Peace!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Seeing More
Amanda and I saw Sherlock Holmes over the weekend and I must admit to liking it and not understanding the overall lukewarm reaction to it. Of course, if you have followed this blog over the past few weeks, then you must have noticed that I have lukewarm reactions to movies people absolutely love.
Maybe people expected too much from this movie and the crowd pleasing Robert Downey, Jr. Iron Man and Tropic Thunder were awesome and gained both commercial and critical praise. Of course he would do it with this one as well! It could also be that the film ends with pretty much a huge "To Be Continued." They don't put those cringe inducing words on screen, but the entire vehicle was just a setup for more movies. Look, I know Hollywood will turn everything into a trilogy. Want to start taking bets on what the third Alvin and The Chipmunks movie will be called? The Tweelogy? But, be a bit coy about it with fleeting celebrity interviews and a leaked early script draft leaked online.
I appreciated the movie's buddy cop theme and there was a nice chemistry between Downey's Sherlock and Jude Law's Watson. Sherlock had a tough time elucidating his apprehensions of Watson marrying and leaving the sleuthing business. For such a rational man capable of cracking cases by just reading the initial police report, this was a nice touch of humanity. I also appreciated that we got that fragility without some heavy handed pathos building scene where we flash back to Sherlock's parents being killed by a mugger outside the opera or dying in a climbing accident.
Don't know if this is very true to the actual relationship in the books. The older interpretations do make it seem like Watson is Sherlock's go-fer. I remember reading some of the Sherlock Holmes books when I was younger, but that is about it. I am not sure what purists feel about the movie, but, if it is like any other movie based on a cherished serial story, then I am going to say they are mad. The movie is very physical, with slow mo fight scenes that made one Internet commentator say it is Fight Club meets Victorian England. I don't mind a bit of action thrown in to spice up the gumshoeing, but they do sometimes feel inserted for the hell of it. Best example is an early battle where Watson and Holmes dispatch a band of brigands tasked with burning the evidence. You can almost hear the characters resist saying "Oh, here we go again" when the guys show up. The fight then continues for a few minutes, extending into a scene defined by the almost there feel of a Family Guy gag.
Speaking of inserting elements for the hell of it...why was Rachel McAdams in the movie? Not necessarily her (Got nothing against her), but her character seemed pointless. Not to give away any story elements, but her quasi romantic foil is meant to keep Holmes, whether via sincerity or deception, on the case. This would make sense in any other movie that wasn't about Sherlock Holmes.
The world's greatest detective needs someone to motivate him to stay on the case? The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, maybe? This also feels hollow because an early conversation reveals how Holmes is frustrated that there are no more intriguing cases.
All of this relegates McAdams to a very pretty face and an American connection to an otherwise very European story. Remember the Tom Sawyer character from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
I liked the explanation at the end where Holmes elucidates on how the villain was able to do all his nefarious deeds. It's neat, albeit a bit muddled by the fact that no one could figure it out because all the clues are haphazardly placed. One scene fleetingly shows Holmes licking a rock, which features prominently in the villain's escape. Good luck trying to figure out what are clues and what are the quirky characteristic Downey puts into the Holmes persona. I thought he just licked rocks cause that was weird and we wanted weird.
Peace!
Maybe people expected too much from this movie and the crowd pleasing Robert Downey, Jr. Iron Man and Tropic Thunder were awesome and gained both commercial and critical praise. Of course he would do it with this one as well! It could also be that the film ends with pretty much a huge "To Be Continued." They don't put those cringe inducing words on screen, but the entire vehicle was just a setup for more movies. Look, I know Hollywood will turn everything into a trilogy. Want to start taking bets on what the third Alvin and The Chipmunks movie will be called? The Tweelogy? But, be a bit coy about it with fleeting celebrity interviews and a leaked early script draft leaked online.
I appreciated the movie's buddy cop theme and there was a nice chemistry between Downey's Sherlock and Jude Law's Watson. Sherlock had a tough time elucidating his apprehensions of Watson marrying and leaving the sleuthing business. For such a rational man capable of cracking cases by just reading the initial police report, this was a nice touch of humanity. I also appreciated that we got that fragility without some heavy handed pathos building scene where we flash back to Sherlock's parents being killed by a mugger outside the opera or dying in a climbing accident.
Don't know if this is very true to the actual relationship in the books. The older interpretations do make it seem like Watson is Sherlock's go-fer. I remember reading some of the Sherlock Holmes books when I was younger, but that is about it. I am not sure what purists feel about the movie, but, if it is like any other movie based on a cherished serial story, then I am going to say they are mad. The movie is very physical, with slow mo fight scenes that made one Internet commentator say it is Fight Club meets Victorian England. I don't mind a bit of action thrown in to spice up the gumshoeing, but they do sometimes feel inserted for the hell of it. Best example is an early battle where Watson and Holmes dispatch a band of brigands tasked with burning the evidence. You can almost hear the characters resist saying "Oh, here we go again" when the guys show up. The fight then continues for a few minutes, extending into a scene defined by the almost there feel of a Family Guy gag.
Speaking of inserting elements for the hell of it...why was Rachel McAdams in the movie? Not necessarily her (Got nothing against her), but her character seemed pointless. Not to give away any story elements, but her quasi romantic foil is meant to keep Holmes, whether via sincerity or deception, on the case. This would make sense in any other movie that wasn't about Sherlock Holmes.
The world's greatest detective needs someone to motivate him to stay on the case? The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, maybe? This also feels hollow because an early conversation reveals how Holmes is frustrated that there are no more intriguing cases.
All of this relegates McAdams to a very pretty face and an American connection to an otherwise very European story. Remember the Tom Sawyer character from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
I liked the explanation at the end where Holmes elucidates on how the villain was able to do all his nefarious deeds. It's neat, albeit a bit muddled by the fact that no one could figure it out because all the clues are haphazardly placed. One scene fleetingly shows Holmes licking a rock, which features prominently in the villain's escape. Good luck trying to figure out what are clues and what are the quirky characteristic Downey puts into the Holmes persona. I thought he just licked rocks cause that was weird and we wanted weird.
Peace!
Friday, January 08, 2010
Save Coco!
While it is not unusual for the blog to talk about TV, it is unusual for the blog to discuss celebrity gossip. Not to sound too tweedy, but I do sometimes agree that debates on whether or not you are on "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob" can take away from the national discourse. Our local Fox affiliate kept referring to the Tiger Woods scandal as "the gift that keeps on giving," often leading with it at the five o'clock hour. It should have been labeled "Son of a bitch, here we go again," because it became ad nauseam especially when scant information was stretched into entire remote segments.
Roaming Reporter (RR): "Well Bill, We just saw someone with long, blond hair leave Tiger's house."
Studio: "Ah, so we can assume it was a woman."
RR: "Yes, that would be safe to say."
Studio: "And that means this person would have two X chromosomes."
RR: "Yes, correct. Because they may be a woman."
Studio: "A woman just left Tiger's house."
RR: "We can confirm that a possible woman with blond hair left the house."
It also helps that I don't care very much. I like lots of people on TV and in movies, but, unless Joel McHale actually came to my house and slept with my wife, then I care very little who he sleeps with. I hope he sticks with his wife, but if he meets some other women then too bad, but I hope the keep making The Soup.
Even with all this said, I must admit that I am pretty upset about the recent developments in late night network television.
It appears that Conan got the ultimate shaft and that Leno will return to the 11:30 pm timeslot currently held by The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. We may still see Conan on NBC, but he will be pushed back to midnight. I have no idea what will happen to Jimmy Fallon or Carson Daly. I think the TV stops working at a certain part of the early AM.
I really hope Conan leaves NBC and take it to them on another network. He uprooted his whole life to move to L.A. and host the Tonight Show, something promised to him several years earlier, when we all thought Leno would bow out gracefully to go fiddle around with his cars. He is paying for the NBC's executives mistakes and Leno's stubbornness to leave the limelight. No one expected The Jay Leno Show to work, except for the folks at NBC who hailed it as an upcoming revolution in television. It is refreshing for them to be so upfront with their mistake, but Conan appears to be heading for a up close meeting with the underside of a bus.
I can't believe I just typed this, but, TMZ reports that Conan is "pissed." I tend to trust TMZ as much as a certain little boy that cried wolf, but they do their job well, and that job is to dig up dirt. I hope Conan is pissed and that the NBC execs now fear seeing a blazing red pompadour coming at them from across the hedges. La Bamba could play a trombone solo to prelude to the attack, much like the strings in Jaws.
Remember that Conan was already hamstrung by the fact that Leno would still lead into him. While Conan took over the mantle of The Tonight Show, Leno was never off the air, making the whole switch over seem fake. Except for Conan, who had to move cross country and face off against another veteran TV host, David Letterman. Everything was very real for him and now he is paying for the reality that....
1) Viewers do actually enjoy some drama at 10pm. I agree that there is enough CSI clones out there to solve the Zodiac killings, but their popularity says something. People watch them
And,
2) Jay Leno is not funny. I still believe he is a nice guy, even though his boorish behavior before and after the switchover stands testament against this, but not funny.
I know he has his fans and that he reels in the older Johnny Carson viewers still wondering who the hell this red haired guy is, but Leno has not made me laugh since I was 13. Supporters often point out how hilarious the Jaywalking and Headlines segments are. Indeed, they are funny, but Leno doesn't produce a single one of them. We laugh because he is telling us this is chuckle worthy, but he has no hand in making he funny. Just showing it. You don't give the MC the Lifetime Achievement award or the guy who throws out the first pitch a World Series ring. Hell, people send in the Headlines bits to him!
The original jokes are telegraphed from three junctions away with punchlines out of those "101 Knock Knock Joke" type books you see in the children's section of the library. His humor always felt very safe with a focus on reaffirming punchlines and images we expect.
If the joke mentions an intern, then Leno is going to wrap up with a Lewinsky reference. Yes, still. If the joke mentions a husband and wife then the man will be a dude's dude and the wife a hen pecking shrew. It it like the Far Side comic, where every image was a repeating trope, except Larson used it to create a world one panel at a time. Leno phones it in every night. Finally, the joke never seems to be on him. Maybe it says something about the comedies I watched growing up, but I want my comedian to be a bit self deprecating. Conan was my man when it came to this, especially since he recently referred to his abs as "The half empty laundry bag."
Conan's humor feels much more brainy and involved. His skits often created their own logic that they must adhere to. Of course, Conan had to retire the Masturbating Bear when he left for L.A. It made sense in New York at 12:30AM, but The Tonight Show was for all America and the Bear's reason for being was that he was an obtuse and hilarious nonsequitor. The running Triumph bits and the photo slide montages, my favorite from the Late Night era, where they all ended up dead, required an investment.
You watch Conan. You see Leno.
In the ensuing fallout of the shuffle, I have read Internet comments against Conan and in support of Jay. It must be a generational thing, because I have never meet anyone that dislikes Conan, but I can understand the critiques that he can ham it up in front of the camera and often switch into asides and inside jokes. When I like a show then I try to do everything I can to love it and shows with inside jokes and a running streak of healthy self deprecation are key. This is why I loved Arrested Development and it got shafted by Fox. And when is the third season of Flight of the Conchords coming? I notice a pattern...
Good luck, Conan! Please leave NBC. Now that Southland has gone to TNT then I only watch it for the Thursday night comedies, which the execs might replace with even more Leno. He is cheap to produce and it seems like most of American likes him. Just like high fructose corn syrup.
Peace!
Roaming Reporter (RR): "Well Bill, We just saw someone with long, blond hair leave Tiger's house."
Studio: "Ah, so we can assume it was a woman."
RR: "Yes, that would be safe to say."
Studio: "And that means this person would have two X chromosomes."
RR: "Yes, correct. Because they may be a woman."
Studio: "A woman just left Tiger's house."
RR: "We can confirm that a possible woman with blond hair left the house."
It also helps that I don't care very much. I like lots of people on TV and in movies, but, unless Joel McHale actually came to my house and slept with my wife, then I care very little who he sleeps with. I hope he sticks with his wife, but if he meets some other women then too bad, but I hope the keep making The Soup.
Even with all this said, I must admit that I am pretty upset about the recent developments in late night network television.
It appears that Conan got the ultimate shaft and that Leno will return to the 11:30 pm timeslot currently held by The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. We may still see Conan on NBC, but he will be pushed back to midnight. I have no idea what will happen to Jimmy Fallon or Carson Daly. I think the TV stops working at a certain part of the early AM.
I really hope Conan leaves NBC and take it to them on another network. He uprooted his whole life to move to L.A. and host the Tonight Show, something promised to him several years earlier, when we all thought Leno would bow out gracefully to go fiddle around with his cars. He is paying for the NBC's executives mistakes and Leno's stubbornness to leave the limelight. No one expected The Jay Leno Show to work, except for the folks at NBC who hailed it as an upcoming revolution in television. It is refreshing for them to be so upfront with their mistake, but Conan appears to be heading for a up close meeting with the underside of a bus.
I can't believe I just typed this, but, TMZ reports that Conan is "pissed." I tend to trust TMZ as much as a certain little boy that cried wolf, but they do their job well, and that job is to dig up dirt. I hope Conan is pissed and that the NBC execs now fear seeing a blazing red pompadour coming at them from across the hedges. La Bamba could play a trombone solo to prelude to the attack, much like the strings in Jaws.
Remember that Conan was already hamstrung by the fact that Leno would still lead into him. While Conan took over the mantle of The Tonight Show, Leno was never off the air, making the whole switch over seem fake. Except for Conan, who had to move cross country and face off against another veteran TV host, David Letterman. Everything was very real for him and now he is paying for the reality that....
1) Viewers do actually enjoy some drama at 10pm. I agree that there is enough CSI clones out there to solve the Zodiac killings, but their popularity says something. People watch them
And,
2) Jay Leno is not funny. I still believe he is a nice guy, even though his boorish behavior before and after the switchover stands testament against this, but not funny.
I know he has his fans and that he reels in the older Johnny Carson viewers still wondering who the hell this red haired guy is, but Leno has not made me laugh since I was 13. Supporters often point out how hilarious the Jaywalking and Headlines segments are. Indeed, they are funny, but Leno doesn't produce a single one of them. We laugh because he is telling us this is chuckle worthy, but he has no hand in making he funny. Just showing it. You don't give the MC the Lifetime Achievement award or the guy who throws out the first pitch a World Series ring. Hell, people send in the Headlines bits to him!
The original jokes are telegraphed from three junctions away with punchlines out of those "101 Knock Knock Joke" type books you see in the children's section of the library. His humor always felt very safe with a focus on reaffirming punchlines and images we expect.
If the joke mentions an intern, then Leno is going to wrap up with a Lewinsky reference. Yes, still. If the joke mentions a husband and wife then the man will be a dude's dude and the wife a hen pecking shrew. It it like the Far Side comic, where every image was a repeating trope, except Larson used it to create a world one panel at a time. Leno phones it in every night. Finally, the joke never seems to be on him. Maybe it says something about the comedies I watched growing up, but I want my comedian to be a bit self deprecating. Conan was my man when it came to this, especially since he recently referred to his abs as "The half empty laundry bag."
Conan's humor feels much more brainy and involved. His skits often created their own logic that they must adhere to. Of course, Conan had to retire the Masturbating Bear when he left for L.A. It made sense in New York at 12:30AM, but The Tonight Show was for all America and the Bear's reason for being was that he was an obtuse and hilarious nonsequitor. The running Triumph bits and the photo slide montages, my favorite from the Late Night era, where they all ended up dead, required an investment.
You watch Conan. You see Leno.
In the ensuing fallout of the shuffle, I have read Internet comments against Conan and in support of Jay. It must be a generational thing, because I have never meet anyone that dislikes Conan, but I can understand the critiques that he can ham it up in front of the camera and often switch into asides and inside jokes. When I like a show then I try to do everything I can to love it and shows with inside jokes and a running streak of healthy self deprecation are key. This is why I loved Arrested Development and it got shafted by Fox. And when is the third season of Flight of the Conchords coming? I notice a pattern...
Good luck, Conan! Please leave NBC. Now that Southland has gone to TNT then I only watch it for the Thursday night comedies, which the execs might replace with even more Leno. He is cheap to produce and it seems like most of American likes him. Just like high fructose corn syrup.
Peace!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Ouch
I sustained my third sports injury ever earlier this week. Much as this may surprise you, loyal blog readers, I did not strain my thigh making the last second three-pointer at the all city street ball championships. * And don't worry gym fans, every piece of equipment at the local Y is still in fine order. I think.
No, I hurt my inner thigh on the Wii Fit. The Lunge Strength Training routine to be specific. You can see a sample of that routine on the video below. Just fast forward to about the four minute mark.
I knew this would happen as soon as I got the Wii Fit and, to be honest, it is much better than punching through a window after overcompensating in Rhythm Kung Fu. Or doing something horrible to an ankle (shatter, twist, roll...you name it!) during the Step game. Or just plain dying during the Super Hula Hoop. I'm like Zoolander...an ambiturner that can't turn left.
Thankfully, I did not hear anything pop or crack, but sure as hell felt it for the rest of the week. Most steps felt like your little brother trying to punch you out. Sure, it doesn't hurt very much, but you don't want to take hundred punches in a row.
It feels much better now, not that I can attest that to any specific mending routine. Plenty of ibuprofen and "No, I'm fines."
My Wii injury ranks right up with my two previous sports injuries, one of which did not even involve sports.
That one?
Well, I pulled a neck muscle while working as a janitor during one summer in college. You try unscrewing three dozen light bulb covers, wiping all the dead gnats out of them, and then screwing them back into place...
Yeah...I know you could do it, but, c'mon, it was me. I had inproper light bulb screwing posture. There is a joke in there somewhere.
The other? That did involve an sport, even though some may debate it as an activity.
It happened during the 9th grade in a gym class kick ball game. If the Wii thinks I am fat now, then it would have blown up if it meet 14 year old Garik. I usually played in the outfield because that was the nice place for fat kids that did not run very well. When we played soccer, I was usually a defensemen and in volleyball folks prayed that the ball did not lob itself in our direction.
One kid smacked the rubber ball straight into the air and it arched in a nice rainbow floater path towards me in center field. I reached out my arms, but did not tense my forearm muscles enough because the ball slapped past my hand, rolling my fingers against the back of my palms.
My right middle finger took the brunt of the drop and I never really bothered to take proper care of it. I took a friend to the school cafeteria and asked for some ice. We got a Zip Lock bag and wrapped the ice filled bag around my finger. There you go!
Of course, the ice did not last past third period and the finger healed on its own by permanently arching the first finger joint up, forcing my finger tip to always slight dip down. Here is a picture, albeit a slightly blurry one...
My finger looks like a dromedary camel. I remember asking my pediatrician back then if this was bad and he said no, but that it did mean the wound had healed incorrectly.
War wounds. The ladies love them.
PEACE!
*Mind you it is January. The All City, Slip and Slush Stretball Championship. Brought to you by Morton's Rock Salt. Don't get too much of it on the ball.
No, I hurt my inner thigh on the Wii Fit. The Lunge Strength Training routine to be specific. You can see a sample of that routine on the video below. Just fast forward to about the four minute mark.
I knew this would happen as soon as I got the Wii Fit and, to be honest, it is much better than punching through a window after overcompensating in Rhythm Kung Fu. Or doing something horrible to an ankle (shatter, twist, roll...you name it!) during the Step game. Or just plain dying during the Super Hula Hoop. I'm like Zoolander...an ambiturner that can't turn left.
Thankfully, I did not hear anything pop or crack, but sure as hell felt it for the rest of the week. Most steps felt like your little brother trying to punch you out. Sure, it doesn't hurt very much, but you don't want to take hundred punches in a row.
It feels much better now, not that I can attest that to any specific mending routine. Plenty of ibuprofen and "No, I'm fines."
My Wii injury ranks right up with my two previous sports injuries, one of which did not even involve sports.
That one?
Well, I pulled a neck muscle while working as a janitor during one summer in college. You try unscrewing three dozen light bulb covers, wiping all the dead gnats out of them, and then screwing them back into place...
Yeah...I know you could do it, but, c'mon, it was me. I had inproper light bulb screwing posture. There is a joke in there somewhere.
The other? That did involve an sport, even though some may debate it as an activity.
It happened during the 9th grade in a gym class kick ball game. If the Wii thinks I am fat now, then it would have blown up if it meet 14 year old Garik. I usually played in the outfield because that was the nice place for fat kids that did not run very well. When we played soccer, I was usually a defensemen and in volleyball folks prayed that the ball did not lob itself in our direction.
One kid smacked the rubber ball straight into the air and it arched in a nice rainbow floater path towards me in center field. I reached out my arms, but did not tense my forearm muscles enough because the ball slapped past my hand, rolling my fingers against the back of my palms.
My right middle finger took the brunt of the drop and I never really bothered to take proper care of it. I took a friend to the school cafeteria and asked for some ice. We got a Zip Lock bag and wrapped the ice filled bag around my finger. There you go!
Of course, the ice did not last past third period and the finger healed on its own by permanently arching the first finger joint up, forcing my finger tip to always slight dip down. Here is a picture, albeit a slightly blurry one...
My finger looks like a dromedary camel. I remember asking my pediatrician back then if this was bad and he said no, but that it did mean the wound had healed incorrectly.
War wounds. The ladies love them.
PEACE!
*Mind you it is January. The All City, Slip and Slush Stretball Championship. Brought to you by Morton's Rock Salt. Don't get too much of it on the ball.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Boo!
Boy, am I happy that I did not believe the hype and waited to see Paranormal Activity on DVD.
I remember the lesson of The Blair Witch Project well and refused to be reeled in by a clever advertising campaign and plenty of word of mouth. Tween-age Garik was very excited to watch that film and could not wait to see what many described as an true story filled with terror. A friend claimed that he had already seen the movie on a bootleg copy. Since this was 1999, it meant that the guy had to have a 64KB modem (LUCKY!) or associate with some shady characters. In any case, he was bad ass and told me the movie "just killed you with suspense."
Of course, Blair Witch was horrible and I was surprised to meet people in college legitimately scared by it. It is now close to eleven years past the movie, but it is the rare movie that is both lame and a pain to watch. Nothing happens and we have to see these doldrums through the same lens as the security camera at the first National Bank of San Andreas Fault.
I still give Blair Witch a well deserved nod for its slick advertising campaign, which spun the myth that this was all true via Time magazine cover stories, Sci-Fi network prime time specials, and false listings on IMDB, which reported all three actors were deceased. It wasn't the first to do so,* but it did it the best and the people who came up with it do deserve every bit of credit. You can draw a direct line from Blair Witch to Paranormal Activity, which Amanda and I rented on DVD this past weekend...
If you were one of the three people that did not hear about Paranormal Activity (PA) then...what was your secret? Did you have a very big rock? Or on an island? Our local ABC affiliate actually sent a reporter to watch it and later report on how scary it was. Indeed, News Net 5 is on our side. The hype was phenomenal and increased by the fact that PA got a limited release and fans had to demand that big movie chains carry it. In Cleveland, it was only available in one theater out in the eastern suburbs until about mid October. I was working at a Halloween store at the time (Yes, I am that cool) and this seemed to act as a crucible for the hype...
"These headless lawn stakes are nice. But you know what was scary. Paranormal Activity!"
One co-worker swore that it was a true story and was undaunted by the fact that it wasn't and all the actors were very much alive.
The plot? A young couple, Katie and Micah, are living together in a home that is haunted by something. Micah buys a state of the art camera to document whatever is happening and explain to the jittery Katie that everything is in her head. Or it is the damn neighbor kids. As the film continues we learn that it is not the neighbor kids and Katie herself if pursued by an evil force dedicated to its malevolent mission. Hilarity does not ensues, unless your sense of humor is kind of demonic. If so, then the movie is hilarious.
The movie is wonderfully made especially if the claims that it was made for just $10,000 in a frenzied seven day shoot are indeed true. Even if these were fudged for dramatic effect, you can tell that this did not have any major studio or a Michael Bay sized budget. It isn't because of poor quality, but because of honesty and clever effects. It says a lot when movie goes are terrified and moved by this sleeper film and universally pan digitally enhanced gore fests. If you hate that there will by 50 Saw films then you can take comfort that people can still be scared and impressed by movies like PA.
I appreciate the movie making, but the actual movie felt a bit boring with well executed but very much telegraphed scares. The movie keeps up the tension, but never acts on this except in the scenes it tells you are going to be scary. Remember the scene in Signs where you first see the alien? Well. here it is below...
That was an excellent scary scene that would have been put to good use in P.A. Instead of hearing the demon come running up the stairs and then be hit by the scare, imagine seeing a shadow loom over Katie and Micah as they fret over the lack of sleep in the kitchen.
The demon effects are done with a subtle, yet effective attention to detail that keeps us scared without every really showing the monster. The whole concept of having something invade you while you are in bed is what got to most people and I did appreciate the scene where it gets it bed with them and you can see the outline against the sheets? Imagine a scene where we just see a part of the mattress dip down as if someone is sitting on it. And that just plays out all night. No footsteps. It just shows up. And then it strokes Katie's hair for a creepy, perverted moment. They could do that, but first the demon is going to turn on the hall light (Really? Satan is afraid of the dark) so we know it is coming.
The movie is a victim of its own hype and further crippled by the fact that the trailer shows you the big scare. Very little actually happens in the freak out department and most of that comes at the very end. The end scenes provide the most trailer material which speaks to the fact that, indeed, not much happens. A movie that gives you a nice five second warning before each scare and already showed you the money has a hard time keeping you scared. Especially after all the hype. I imagine that if you saw this back in 2007 on the independent film circuit then the scares would have been heightened. Some European reviewers online have commented how their barrier from some of the hype helped intensify the scares. So, I guess the hype won even though I opened by saying I dodged it.
I did like the relationship between Katie and Micah. It felt honest and sincere, especially in the happy moments at the start and the terror at the end. I felt more pangs as they argued about what to do and in the moments where each was terrified for the other. Micah gives it his all as plays literal tug of war with the monster with Katie as the rope. There is also a scene where Katie has clutched a cross so tightly that it cuts into her hand and Micah has to left the near catatonic Katie to help. She also struggles to keep it all together as she can't explain why this being is attached to her and why it feels so threatened by Micah.
There are several scenes where they cry about having little sleep and how this is starting to effect their lives beyond the home. In the end, we learn that the monster has full control of Katie and uses her body to betray Micah and the relationship. These moments are also moving as Katie alternates between the brink of madness and eerie smiles.
There are several endings to PA and the relationship angle plays better into the alternate one offered in the U.S. DVD release. As a relationship movie, PA defies the hype by offering us a glimpse of what we many do if faced with such a situation. As a horror movie, it seems to stumble by letting you know when it is coming and relying on horror movie tropes we have already seen, albeit not as nicely executed.
Peace!
*No, that honor belongs to a truly awful movie called Cannibal Holocaust. Awful in the fact that is as close to a snuff film as you can get with actual animal slayings that include a turtle quartering and pig shooting. I have seen bits and pieces of online and savvy searchers could find the whole film. Its checkered production and distribution history also includes charges of brutality to the actual human actors and disproved claims of onscreen murder. Some critics have hailed it as revolutionary and brainy, but passing actual killings as entertainment cannot merit a defense even on this blog.
I remember the lesson of The Blair Witch Project well and refused to be reeled in by a clever advertising campaign and plenty of word of mouth. Tween-age Garik was very excited to watch that film and could not wait to see what many described as an true story filled with terror. A friend claimed that he had already seen the movie on a bootleg copy. Since this was 1999, it meant that the guy had to have a 64KB modem (LUCKY!) or associate with some shady characters. In any case, he was bad ass and told me the movie "just killed you with suspense."
Of course, Blair Witch was horrible and I was surprised to meet people in college legitimately scared by it. It is now close to eleven years past the movie, but it is the rare movie that is both lame and a pain to watch. Nothing happens and we have to see these doldrums through the same lens as the security camera at the first National Bank of San Andreas Fault.
***SPOILERS ABOUND BEYOND HERE****
I still give Blair Witch a well deserved nod for its slick advertising campaign, which spun the myth that this was all true via Time magazine cover stories, Sci-Fi network prime time specials, and false listings on IMDB, which reported all three actors were deceased. It wasn't the first to do so,* but it did it the best and the people who came up with it do deserve every bit of credit. You can draw a direct line from Blair Witch to Paranormal Activity, which Amanda and I rented on DVD this past weekend...
If you were one of the three people that did not hear about Paranormal Activity (PA) then...what was your secret? Did you have a very big rock? Or on an island? Our local ABC affiliate actually sent a reporter to watch it and later report on how scary it was. Indeed, News Net 5 is on our side. The hype was phenomenal and increased by the fact that PA got a limited release and fans had to demand that big movie chains carry it. In Cleveland, it was only available in one theater out in the eastern suburbs until about mid October. I was working at a Halloween store at the time (Yes, I am that cool) and this seemed to act as a crucible for the hype...
"These headless lawn stakes are nice. But you know what was scary. Paranormal Activity!"
One co-worker swore that it was a true story and was undaunted by the fact that it wasn't and all the actors were very much alive.
The plot? A young couple, Katie and Micah, are living together in a home that is haunted by something. Micah buys a state of the art camera to document whatever is happening and explain to the jittery Katie that everything is in her head. Or it is the damn neighbor kids. As the film continues we learn that it is not the neighbor kids and Katie herself if pursued by an evil force dedicated to its malevolent mission. Hilarity does not ensues, unless your sense of humor is kind of demonic. If so, then the movie is hilarious.
The movie is wonderfully made especially if the claims that it was made for just $10,000 in a frenzied seven day shoot are indeed true. Even if these were fudged for dramatic effect, you can tell that this did not have any major studio or a Michael Bay sized budget. It isn't because of poor quality, but because of honesty and clever effects. It says a lot when movie goes are terrified and moved by this sleeper film and universally pan digitally enhanced gore fests. If you hate that there will by 50 Saw films then you can take comfort that people can still be scared and impressed by movies like PA.
I appreciate the movie making, but the actual movie felt a bit boring with well executed but very much telegraphed scares. The movie keeps up the tension, but never acts on this except in the scenes it tells you are going to be scary. Remember the scene in Signs where you first see the alien? Well. here it is below...
That was an excellent scary scene that would have been put to good use in P.A. Instead of hearing the demon come running up the stairs and then be hit by the scare, imagine seeing a shadow loom over Katie and Micah as they fret over the lack of sleep in the kitchen.
The demon effects are done with a subtle, yet effective attention to detail that keeps us scared without every really showing the monster. The whole concept of having something invade you while you are in bed is what got to most people and I did appreciate the scene where it gets it bed with them and you can see the outline against the sheets? Imagine a scene where we just see a part of the mattress dip down as if someone is sitting on it. And that just plays out all night. No footsteps. It just shows up. And then it strokes Katie's hair for a creepy, perverted moment. They could do that, but first the demon is going to turn on the hall light (Really? Satan is afraid of the dark) so we know it is coming.
The movie is a victim of its own hype and further crippled by the fact that the trailer shows you the big scare. Very little actually happens in the freak out department and most of that comes at the very end. The end scenes provide the most trailer material which speaks to the fact that, indeed, not much happens. A movie that gives you a nice five second warning before each scare and already showed you the money has a hard time keeping you scared. Especially after all the hype. I imagine that if you saw this back in 2007 on the independent film circuit then the scares would have been heightened. Some European reviewers online have commented how their barrier from some of the hype helped intensify the scares. So, I guess the hype won even though I opened by saying I dodged it.
I did like the relationship between Katie and Micah. It felt honest and sincere, especially in the happy moments at the start and the terror at the end. I felt more pangs as they argued about what to do and in the moments where each was terrified for the other. Micah gives it his all as plays literal tug of war with the monster with Katie as the rope. There is also a scene where Katie has clutched a cross so tightly that it cuts into her hand and Micah has to left the near catatonic Katie to help. She also struggles to keep it all together as she can't explain why this being is attached to her and why it feels so threatened by Micah.
There are several scenes where they cry about having little sleep and how this is starting to effect their lives beyond the home. In the end, we learn that the monster has full control of Katie and uses her body to betray Micah and the relationship. These moments are also moving as Katie alternates between the brink of madness and eerie smiles.
There are several endings to PA and the relationship angle plays better into the alternate one offered in the U.S. DVD release. As a relationship movie, PA defies the hype by offering us a glimpse of what we many do if faced with such a situation. As a horror movie, it seems to stumble by letting you know when it is coming and relying on horror movie tropes we have already seen, albeit not as nicely executed.
Peace!
*No, that honor belongs to a truly awful movie called Cannibal Holocaust. Awful in the fact that is as close to a snuff film as you can get with actual animal slayings that include a turtle quartering and pig shooting. I have seen bits and pieces of online and savvy searchers could find the whole film. Its checkered production and distribution history also includes charges of brutality to the actual human actors and disproved claims of onscreen murder. Some critics have hailed it as revolutionary and brainy, but passing actual killings as entertainment cannot merit a defense even on this blog.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Medieval Acela
It wasn't all Wii games for us. Amanda was nice enough to get me The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks for the Nintendo DS. My DS appreciated playing something else besides Pokemon and removing the Pearl cartridge must have felt like having that surgery on a benign tumor.
If you have never heard of the DS, then it is Nintendo's current handheld system and descendant of the original GameBoy. Aside from buttons, you have to use the bottom screen as a touch responsive component. So you can scratch off lotto tickets in Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars or choose menu options in the Pokemon games. You can draw images in other games and physically move the characters on the screen by dragging it across the touch pad. And as the name implies, it has two screen stacked on top of each other, which allows for two separate interfaces or a unified view of the larger action.
In this game, you use the touch screen to move our hero Link around. You can also give yourself a heart attack by playing the game's Spirt Flute, which requires you to actually blow into the DS's microphone opening. Having not played a Zelda game since Majora's Mask on the N64, I was not used to anything but a control stick. Spirit Tracks also takes a note from the previous sequels Wind Waker and Phat om Hourglass which all featured an overwold map dominated by water. You had to navigate this by ship, using your items and songs to control the wind. I never played those games, but from looking at images and videos it seemed bery similar to the other overworld maps where you got around by foot or horse.
Spirit Tracks does the same thing, but it has a train. Choo choo! The train has been a major sticking point with Zelda fanboys, which are just one level below Final Fantasy maniacs in fanatical devotion to their quasi-medieval worlds. The main concern is that the train is stupid because Zelda is supposed to be medieval and trains are a 19th century mainstay. If this were the Legend of Zelda: Steam Wars, then that would make sense, but these guys want realism. Realism in a game that features, amongst many other things...
I am no Zelda maniac, but I do know that the games are filled with items and influences free of the medieval England feel they try to emulate. It has a boomerang, which would make perfect sense in The Legend of Zelda: Outback Odyssey. In that version you need to play the Heaven's Didgeridoo instead of this game's Spirit Flute. It has a spring loaded spiked hook that you can use to climb up surfaces. And some games have Bombchus, wind up bombs that can crawl up walls and look like Speedy Gonzalez after pounding a few Stackers. Where was that in Robin Hood?
When people get mad about story items in games, then I think they are primarily devoted to the idea and not the actual game play. It's like having a room devoted to Jesus, but never going to church because they installed a new PA system. Speaking of which...
With that said...I do not like the train. D'oh!
It is not a story thing, but a game play thing. You need to run all over the world looking for secrets and having to follow the set track makes the whole thing a real grind. You need to catch all the snow rabbits by the snow temple, but then you must return them to the Rabbit rescue in the Forest temple. You spend large portions of the game just chugging along. The few enemies on the tracks are easily dispatched, but can get annoying as usually your eyes roll back into your head from the boredom of passing another pixelated treeline. Except for the Demon Trains, which cannot be killed and only avoided. Imagine playing Pac Man except that PacMan can only move in a straight line, there are no power pellets, and the ghosts blow you up!
Once you get to each station, the game is fun. You do almost everything on the touch pad including swinging your sword and using items. This can get a bit frantic, but adds a nice level of difficulty. In the N64 games, once you learned to Z-target and lock onto enemies, you were pretty much invincible with an eagle eye accuracy. You also get to control Zelda, which is a first! She can sometimes take command of certain enemies and this fires up a neat tag team mode where you have to draw paths for her with the touch screen and team up to corner enemies. So the swordplay is nice, but man do you need to work to get there. I thought that was supposed to be the challenge?
Chooo! Chooo!
Peace!
If you have never heard of the DS, then it is Nintendo's current handheld system and descendant of the original GameBoy. Aside from buttons, you have to use the bottom screen as a touch responsive component. So you can scratch off lotto tickets in Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars or choose menu options in the Pokemon games. You can draw images in other games and physically move the characters on the screen by dragging it across the touch pad. And as the name implies, it has two screen stacked on top of each other, which allows for two separate interfaces or a unified view of the larger action.In this game, you use the touch screen to move our hero Link around. You can also give yourself a heart attack by playing the game's Spirt Flute, which requires you to actually blow into the DS's microphone opening. Having not played a Zelda game since Majora's Mask on the N64, I was not used to anything but a control stick. Spirit Tracks also takes a note from the previous sequels Wind Waker and Phat om Hourglass which all featured an overwold map dominated by water. You had to navigate this by ship, using your items and songs to control the wind. I never played those games, but from looking at images and videos it seemed bery similar to the other overworld maps where you got around by foot or horse.
Spirit Tracks does the same thing, but it has a train. Choo choo! The train has been a major sticking point with Zelda fanboys, which are just one level below Final Fantasy maniacs in fanatical devotion to their quasi-medieval worlds. The main concern is that the train is stupid because Zelda is supposed to be medieval and trains are a 19th century mainstay. If this were the Legend of Zelda: Steam Wars, then that would make sense, but these guys want realism. Realism in a game that features, amongst many other things...
- Androgynous, hairless mountain men that eat bombs for sustenance...
- Anthropomorphized acorns that defend themselves by spitting acorns...
- Barnyard chickens that can unleash the wrath of God...
- Enough enchanted instruments to fill two Vatican secret store rooms...
- Oh, and bombs. Makes as much "real" sense as a train, but we let that one go, right?
I am no Zelda maniac, but I do know that the games are filled with items and influences free of the medieval England feel they try to emulate. It has a boomerang, which would make perfect sense in The Legend of Zelda: Outback Odyssey. In that version you need to play the Heaven's Didgeridoo instead of this game's Spirit Flute. It has a spring loaded spiked hook that you can use to climb up surfaces. And some games have Bombchus, wind up bombs that can crawl up walls and look like Speedy Gonzalez after pounding a few Stackers. Where was that in Robin Hood?
When people get mad about story items in games, then I think they are primarily devoted to the idea and not the actual game play. It's like having a room devoted to Jesus, but never going to church because they installed a new PA system. Speaking of which...
With that said...I do not like the train. D'oh!
It is not a story thing, but a game play thing. You need to run all over the world looking for secrets and having to follow the set track makes the whole thing a real grind. You need to catch all the snow rabbits by the snow temple, but then you must return them to the Rabbit rescue in the Forest temple. You spend large portions of the game just chugging along. The few enemies on the tracks are easily dispatched, but can get annoying as usually your eyes roll back into your head from the boredom of passing another pixelated treeline. Except for the Demon Trains, which cannot be killed and only avoided. Imagine playing Pac Man except that PacMan can only move in a straight line, there are no power pellets, and the ghosts blow you up!
Once you get to each station, the game is fun. You do almost everything on the touch pad including swinging your sword and using items. This can get a bit frantic, but adds a nice level of difficulty. In the N64 games, once you learned to Z-target and lock onto enemies, you were pretty much invincible with an eagle eye accuracy. You also get to control Zelda, which is a first! She can sometimes take command of certain enemies and this fires up a neat tag team mode where you have to draw paths for her with the touch screen and team up to corner enemies. So the swordplay is nice, but man do you need to work to get there. I thought that was supposed to be the challenge?
Chooo! Chooo!
Peace!
Friday, January 01, 2010
Holiday Returns
Happy New Year 2010!
Sorry for being AWOL for that odd time between X-mas and New Year's Day. That whole week always seems very surreal, as if the whole world were still working on bought time. Many people are still on vacation and the kids are not in school. Consumers shuffle around returns and pick up accessories for the gifts they did keep. Everything seems to be happening while we are waiting for the snooze button to go off at midnight New Year's Eve.
Aside from all that holiday ennui, I have also been busy with all our Christmas gifts! WOO HOO!
And after many years of watching video game play uploads on You Tube, I can now say that we have WAY TO MANY VIDEO GAMES in the house.
Amanda's parents got us a Wii and Wii Sports! And a Wii Fit! Then we bought Mario Kart Wii and Super Smash Brother Brawl!
I would say that my thumbs hurt, but because it is a Wii, that means my whole damn body hurts. I know that leaning forward on the Wiimote does not give you a speed boost in Mario Kart, but hell if I won't try when I have everyone behind gunning for me with every kind of shell. Wii Sports reminds me I never learned how to follow through on my baseball swing, but I am happy that I do not let go of the remote, which always happened to me with the real bat. High school gym class was a lot of fun...
Nothing like having a video game machine prove to you how out of shape you are. After the first day on the Wii Fit, I was so sore that I thought I had just fought Ivan Drago. I am getting better and already cut my Wii Fit age from 41 (Oy vey!) to 21 (Hello ladies! Look how good I am at Rhythm Boxing!). My weight keeps zigzagging up and down the graph, which I attest more to variables like body hair and recent bowel movements. Hell yeah, I'm getting skinny. Well, maybe...
It told me I was fat...
Sorry for being AWOL for that odd time between X-mas and New Year's Day. That whole week always seems very surreal, as if the whole world were still working on bought time. Many people are still on vacation and the kids are not in school. Consumers shuffle around returns and pick up accessories for the gifts they did keep. Everything seems to be happening while we are waiting for the snooze button to go off at midnight New Year's Eve.
Aside from all that holiday ennui, I have also been busy with all our Christmas gifts! WOO HOO!
And after many years of watching video game play uploads on You Tube, I can now say that we have WAY TO MANY VIDEO GAMES in the house.
Amanda's parents got us a Wii and Wii Sports! And a Wii Fit! Then we bought Mario Kart Wii and Super Smash Brother Brawl!
I would say that my thumbs hurt, but because it is a Wii, that means my whole damn body hurts. I know that leaning forward on the Wiimote does not give you a speed boost in Mario Kart, but hell if I won't try when I have everyone behind gunning for me with every kind of shell. Wii Sports reminds me I never learned how to follow through on my baseball swing, but I am happy that I do not let go of the remote, which always happened to me with the real bat. High school gym class was a lot of fun...
Nothing like having a video game machine prove to you how out of shape you are. After the first day on the Wii Fit, I was so sore that I thought I had just fought Ivan Drago. I am getting better and already cut my Wii Fit age from 41 (Oy vey!) to 21 (Hello ladies! Look how good I am at Rhythm Boxing!). My weight keeps zigzagging up and down the graph, which I attest more to variables like body hair and recent bowel movements. Hell yeah, I'm getting skinny. Well, maybe...
It told me I was fat...
More stories on our video game adventures later in the week.
Peace!
Peace!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Best!
2009 is winding down and I always think it is helpful to reflect on the year and its various highs and lows.
On a personal level, it was a mostly great year that saw Amanda and I get married and spend our first year in Cleveland.
However, if I must find something that truly was the best thing ever about 2009 then it would have to be the following...
And the Christian tradition begot Lent. And Lent begot the Fish o Filet sandwich. And the Fish O Fillet sandwich begot.....
Happy New Year 2010!
On a personal level, it was a mostly great year that saw Amanda and I get married and spend our first year in Cleveland.
However, if I must find something that truly was the best thing ever about 2009 then it would have to be the following...
And the Christian tradition begot Lent. And Lent begot the Fish o Filet sandwich. And the Fish O Fillet sandwich begot.....
THE BEST THING EVER!
Happy New Year 2010!
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